Whenever I go to take a pee, 
They shout about their Marxist pride, 
I never ever go to the shower 
Without my crowbar at my side. 

They're perching on my toilet, 
They're hanging from the lights, 
They've claimed my soap for the State, 
And their drinking keeps me up nights. 

I'm tired of their manifestos 
And the mess they've made of the place, 
I don't have the heart to just shoot them, 
but they aren't even phased by my mace. 

I called the animal shelter, 
Which recommended an exterminator, 
Who said that he couldn't help me, 
Or he'd be branded a capitalist traitor. 

I think they've started to dig in 
And I can't let them take the hall, 
If they take even one more square foot, 
The rest of the house may fall. 

Beware the iron shower curtain, 
Beware the spies in the den, 
Feel free to send reinforcements, 
For each of my men, they have ten. 

So now I live in fear of the reds. 
And the dangerous thoughts that they teach, 
And if the strychnine and land mines don't work, 
I may have to scrub the walls with bleach.