Welcome to the Hellmouth

"Hey! You forgot your stake."

"Oh, me and Buffy go way back, old friends. Very close. Then there's
that period of estrangement where I think we were both growing as people
but, now here we are like old times, I'm quite moved."

Jesse: Is it just me or are you turning into a bibling idiot?

Xander: No, uh, it's not you.
 

"The only thing I can think is that you're building a really little
fence. (Holding stake)"
 

Xander: And I, in the meantime will help by standing around like an idiot.

Willow: Not like an idiot, just, standing.
 

"I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good."
 

"I mean the dead rose, we should've at least had an assembly.""The Witch"
 

"I laugh in the face of danger--then I hide until it goes away."
 

"One of those girls hit me really hard. We should test for steroids."
 

"For I am Xandar, King of Cretins, all lesser cretins bow down before me."
 

"Well, yeah, that is the point. You don't have to drive it through my
head like a railroad spike."
 

"Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day, is it something I've done?"
 

"First vampires, then witches, no wonder you can still afford a house in
Sunnydale."
 

Xander: "It's not what you think!"

Willow: "You like to look at the semi-nude engravings?"

Xander: "Oh, well, I guess it is what you think."
 

"We're right behind you, only further back."
 
 

"Teacher's Pet"

Xander: "Something like a lobotomy?"

"He's buff. She never said anything about him being buff."

"It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to."
"Those who can do. Those who can't laugh at those who can do."

"Forgiveness is my middle name. Well actually, it's Lavelle, and I'd
appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life."

"What kind of a girly name is 'Angel' anyway?"

"Needs should definitely be met, as long as it doesn't require ointments
the next day."

"Your hands are so...serrated."

"Just for the record, you were right. I'm an idiot, and God bless you."
 
 

"Never Kill A Boy on the First Date (NKABOTFD)"

Xander: "So Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?"

Buffy: "Xander!"

Xander: "I mean, how'd the laying go last night? No,wait, I don't mean

that either.
"Xander: "So, you just went home?"

Buffy: "What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, 'Sorry I was late. I was

sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise
so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass'?"

Xander: "Or, 'Flat tire'?"

"Oh, hey, here's something. A nice comfy overcoat and a ski cap. The ear
flaps will bring out your eyes."

Buffy: "Which one do you think Owen will like better: the red or the peach?"

Xander: "Oh, you mean for kissing you and then telling all his friends
how easy you are so the whole school loses respect for you and then
talks behind your back? The red's fine."

Buffy: "Thanks. I'll go with the peach."
"He's like Super Librarian. Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is
the ultimate weapon."
 
 

"The Pack"

"Why don't you pick on someone your own species?"

Xander: "Why do I need to learn this?"

Willow: "'Cause otherwise you'll flunk math."

Xander: "Explain the part where that's bad."

Willow: "You remember. You fail math. You flunk out of school. You end
up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, 'Hey
kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?' We've been through this."

"I've been waiting for you to jump my bones." "Nobody messes with my Willow."

"Shoot me. Stuff me. Mount me."