So, you want to understand Diesel, eh? Diesel
has a long and complex history, one which you must learn and fully comprehend
before you can properly transfer Diesel. We'll start with the basics.
First of all, this is Diesel, pronounced Dee-zull,
not dee-sil, dee-sul or any other way, this is Dee-zull. Ok?
now say it with me... Diesel. Ok. now that we've got that out
of the way, we can move on to other matters.
Diesel is a gesture similar to that of the high-five,
but with much greater signifigance. High five. What the hell
is that anyways? "hey man, give me five" inferring whatever
you just did is only worth five of something. Taking it down to the
basics and saying that "five" refers to fingers is even more pathetic and
unoriginal. Diesel, on the other hand is Power. Diesel is Strength.
Diesel Hurts. Diesel IS.
In order to get Diesel, one must first accomplish
a great task, such as getting through the yellow light before it changes
red, getting the hot girl, reaching a new top speed in your car, etc.
Once such a task has been accomplished, a Diesel from everyone near is
deserved, but never asked for. Diesel is a transfer of energy in
the form of a gesture, and one can only get good Diesel when it is volunteered
to him.
Giving Diesel is a great responsibility. Once
a task such as the ones mentioned above has been witnessed, it is your
responsibility to give that person Diesel. No matter who the person
is, young or old, smart or stupid, beautiful or ugly, you are responsible
for the Diesel. If you witness a great feat and fail to give Diesel,
a negative force will envelope you, projected unconciously by the person
who attained the feat, and the rest of your day shall be ruined!
Fortunately, a good nights rest will usually ward off this force, but there
are no guarantees. Never ever risk this by not giving Diesel.
Now that you understand the philosophys behind Diesel,
you must learn how to give proper Diesel. Proper Diesel is given
in the following method. First tighten you RIGHT hand into a fist,
tight as you possibly can. Then hold your fist out toward the person
you are giving your Diesel to and announce it to them by saying "DIESEL".
Make sure to put extra emphasis on this as you say it, for a 'diesel'
is much different than a "DIESEL". A 'diesel' contains no energy,
and you may actually steal Diesel from the very person you are trying to
give it to. This is terrible, for if this happens, it is possible
for the negative force to envelope you for up to a week.
In reply, the person receiving the Diesel will also
make his right hand into a fist and bang his fist against the Diesel Giver's
fist. As fists collide, the person receiving Diesel will say "DIESEL"
in order to confirm that the Diesel has been received. This is the
ONLY way to give and recieve Diesel. Any other method of Diesel is
a hoax, and is extremely dangerous.
Unfortunately, an alternate catch phrase has been
developed by a group of uneducated civilians. It seems that some
people misunderstood the meaning of Diesel and interpreted it as someone
looking good, as in 'man, she's got diesel'. THIS IS INCORRECT!
Everyone has Diesel, and when a great task has been done, a persons level
of Diesel is lower than normal, therefore, they must recieve Diesel from
everyone around them in order to re-establish a proper level of Diesel.
As everyone knows, some tasks a greater than others,
and deserve more Diesel than others. This is possible through Diesel
Variants. A Diesel Variant is given in exactly the same manner as
regular Diesel, only with varied amounts of force and an added adjective.
There are three genuine Diesel Variants: Mack Diesel, Turbo Diesel, and
Supercharged Diesel, in order of greatness. Mack Diesel is a slightly
more powerful than Diesel, and more force should be applied during the
transfer, but no pain is necessary. Turbo Diesel is given only when
a near impossible task is achieved and the transfer borders on the edge
of extereme pain. Supercharged Diesel is a very special and powerful
Diesel Variant, given only when the impossible has been done. Supercharged
Diesel transfers often include bloody knuckles, broken fingers, and other
such atrocities. However, the Amount of Diesel transferred is tremendous
and occosaionaly deserved. Use Supercharged Diesel Sparingly.
Other Diesel Variants are being researched as we
speak. The folks here at the Blonde Rock Diesel Institute are currently
exploring the possibilities of Telephone Diesel, Internet (Instant Messenger)
Diesel, and Long Distance Diesel. Unfortunately, the distances often
involved in these types of Diesel is making progress very slow and painstaking.
However, we will someday breakthrough and discover the means to make these
experimental Diesel's possible.
Now you are ready, my friend and Diesel companion.
Go, spread the word of Diesel, and do not be stingy!
Blonde Rock