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There are many vague, intangible ideals I expect out of
life.. such as decency.. truth.. recognition.. pride..
Like everyone else, I have fundamental beliefs which are
so deeply imbedded and complicated, they are nearly impossible
to describe. The best explanation is to simply say: �This is me..�
One day, when the children go wild with noisy activities,
I might think all I want out of life is a little peace and quiet.
The next day I may decide to help my husband more in his
business. Although I handle the office work, he is the one who
knows the worries and pressures. He is the one who tells me:
�Why don�t you take the afternoon off?� �. But there is no
one to release him from the tiring schedule.
The day after that I�m liable to be touched by a trace of
guilt and discover all I want is to be a good mother.
Or I may make up my mind to be an efficient homemaker..
In which case my family might easily fall into a dangerous state
of shock.
An overpowering ambition I have never been able to subdue,
is that of becoming a writer�. And I know I will always devote
a great effort in this field, because writing is as much a part
of me.. as any instinct or streak of philosophy that makes up
my personality.
There is no greater satisfaction than to do something well.
That is probably why I like to write. I can write and re-write
and edit� until I see on paper exactly the spirit I wish to
communicate�. And if one other person understands� and is
moved by my words�. Then all the work has been worth-while.
I suppose that is actually what I want out of life�.
Simply to do what I do� the best way I can.
I am here today, because I find my position in life to
be�. a bit more that I�m entitled to. It seems to me,
the prestige given to an active citizen and guiding parent..
should be earned by the actions and guidance of such a person�
by her sacrifice and example and interest�It should not be
handed to her.
Naturally there are times when I feel mighty sorry for myself..
When I am momentarily convinced that I never came close to
getting one even break.
But mostly there are times like now, when I realize the
exceptional fortune which has come to me and I feel obligated to
do something more than just be grateful.
I have three healthy, mentally alert children.. A hard
working, generous husband.. A comfortable home.. I have loyal
friends.. The advantage of living in this fantastic country..
of voting.. Of meeting with educators and lenders on an equal
basis.. And yes, I�ve recently sold my first article to a magazine.
To me, it would be pushing my luck to stand up here and say
I want further rewards merely because I exist.
What do I expect out of life? I expect laughter.. and
excitement.. and surprises, many of which will be disappointing..
possibly heart-breaking.
I expect to see my children grow and be enthusiastic and
take on their responsibilities with more grace than I have been
able to summon�
While all the time we remain comfortable with each other�
and proud of each other.
And I expect to grow myself.. I have always been hungry for
education.. eager to share the world of books and teachings and
imaginative people. Now that I have a second chance to study it,
my sense of adventure is aflame with the thrill.. the challenge.
Perhaps I know the frustrations we talked about during our
earlier class. If I do, it�s a good thing.. for this feeling
of inadequacy opens my mind� fills it with questions�
and forces me to reason.
What I really want out of life is to earn these things I
already have.
What I expect out of life� Is to be worthy of it!
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