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Frustrating
This is just so frustrating hating
Everything here
But how dead it would seem
If I didn't care
I don't mean to write like this
But I need to write what's real
Somehow I still hope
It will sort out the pain I feel
The constant need
To always feel low
Because feeling low is the only feeling
That I seem to know
A familiar hurt
Is better than an unpredictable lie
Even if that familiar hurt
Leaves me wanting to die
Everyday sitting in my room
Looking for a reason why
I should be hurting
Why I should cry
Growing cold inside
Telling myself lies
It doesn't really matter
Everyone dies
I can't cling to hope
Instead I cling on to family
No way in hell will I let this depression hurt them
How it has hurt me
But sometimes this isn't a good enough reason
With the right wrong
I wouldn't be so strong
And my life wouldn't seem so long
Knowing that reason will come
Its too easy not to
I have already planned out
Exactly what I'd do
Fearful of whom will read this
So I won't say
But I'll tell you carbon monoxide poisoning
Has become my preferred way
I have gone as far as to desensitize myself
With the help of no self-esteem
So there will be no second thoughts
Of taking reality form a dream
But I guess that's the only good thing
Of feeling this way
And that's why I do this to myself
Everyday
But now I wonder
Are these emotions still real
Or do I feel this way
Because that's how I think I should feel