Feeling Good

Written February 1999

Perhaps I don't know where my next meal comes from, but I do know I'm the happiest I've ever been. Before I get into all that's happened, let me say it wasn't all my fault . . . Well, I suppose . . . No, the voices tell me it's not all my fault

Shane always had the desire to become a big star. Specifically he wanted to be the head singer of a great alternative band, but he didn't just want to sing in some band. He wanted the life of a star. He wanted the money, the girls, the perks. And he had a good start. He had a great raspy voice, punk hair, and an I-hate-the-world attitude.
The only problem was Shane's girlfriend, Mariah. She didn't want Shane's head to get any more inflated that it already was. Besides, she didn't like the idea of any girls drooling over Shane. Mariah was a little insecure. And she didn't really have to be. She stood 5'8" and weighed 120. Sure she was a little flat but not all guys want balloons. Most guys admired her for her track-toned legs. Even now as Mariah sauntered down Mayville High's halls, heads turned to catch a glimpse of her tanned calves.
Mariah paid no attention, of course, because she had already spied Shane chatting with Trixie, the head cheerleader. And wouldn't you know it, today was the Friday before game day, and little Trixie was just busting out of her little uniform.
"Hello," Mariah cooed as she slipped between the two. Trixie received a cold shoulder in the face. The spunky ones are always short aren't they?
"Just telling Trix, we're playing tonight at Ed's big party. Thought I'd get word of mouth going for free promotion."
And with Trixie doing the promoting, the whole school should know by this afternoon, thought Mariah, who just smiled.
"You can be sure I'll be there," Trixie vowed as she walked away.
Mariah was not the kind of person to air dirty laundry in public. She kept it smooth.
"Sorry I can't make it tonight. I've had this baby-sitting job since forever."
She didn't even try to put disappointment in her voice. She'd rather he not played at all.
Shane was cool, though. "No matter. We'll rock anyways."

That should have been the first indication something was wrong with their relationship. Mariah always had other plans on his gig nights. That's not to say they played a lot. They'd probably put on 13 shows of which two had Mariah in attendance. I could have done better. I liked Shane's band - even though they hadn't named themselves yet. They were waiting for some record company wiz to pick a moneymaking name. They were all pretty money hungry.

"Can't do it on my own," Shane sung.
The band had just finished singing their first and only original song. Mostly they did covers of Pearl Jam and Nirvana. Shane had the ambition to pen lyrics, but none of the guys was talented enough to compose the original music.
Shane stepped happily off the makeshift patio/stage to grab a beer. No, no one was 21, but Ed's parents were gone for the weekend, and Ed's older brother Earl had no qualms about buying beer for a couple of 16 year olds.
"How'd I do?" Shane asked.
"You were really good. You give new life to Vedder's songs. But I didn't recognize that last one. Was it a Nirvana song again?"
"No, that's just something I wrote." Shane didn't mind taking all the credit when talking to the bubbly blond.
"Wow," blushed Trixie, "that must take real talent."
"Well, you know one day I hope that talent takes me to stardom. Then you can say you knew me when."
The conversation dribbled off into even more meaningless jabber as Trixie continually tried to press herself on Shane while he kept fishing for compliments from her.
Ed eventually came over to break it up when he caught Mariah out of the corner of his eye. She was still in the kitchen and hadn't seen the two conversing shoulder to shoulder.
"So how's about playing another set?" slurred Ed as he slapped Shane on the shoulder.
Not a moment too soon, Shane stood up to deal with the interruption.
"Hey Shane!" Mariah snapped. She hadn't meant to sound so angry. Someone had blasted rap on the boom box, and she couldn't deal with all the pounding bass.

Now what Shane didn't know is that Mariah had hidden reasons for not wanting him to become a rock star.
Her father had died at an early age because of a drunk driver. Not just any drunk driver. A local rock star. Because the guy was somewhat famous in that neck of the woods, he got off pretty easy. Mariah now an orphan - her mother hung herself while in a drunken stupor a few days after the accident - moved up to Mayville to live with a great-aunt Flora.
Amazingly no stories of her parents horrible tragedy followed her. Perhaps it was because all the white Wisconsin natives only saw a tanned beauty arrive from far away Florida. And certainly the brown-haired vixen captured Shane's wild heart only a few months after she arrived.
That was back when she was only 12 - fresh from the accident - and didn't want any attention from boys. She took an interest in track, and Shane kept an eye on her as he pursued his dreams.
By the time they entered high school, Mariah was a bit taken by Shane's wild boy image. She just wouldn't admit it until a year later and by then the blond haired boy already cemented his decision to be a rock star. Rather than spill the beans on the real reason he couldn't be a rock star, she stuck to the excuse that she didn't want him to run off with another girl.

Shane quickly sobered up and hobbled over to Mariah on the patio/stage.
"Baby-sitting go okay?" he asked sweetly. He knew in the back of his mind he wished he could've put a few moves on Trixie, and now he was feeling guilty for it.
"No," she quickly sobbed. "That's why you have to leave with me right now." She nervously glanced at her watch. She had two minutes.
She looked a little strung out, not that anyone noticed. Shane was the only one paying any attention to her. The band was getting ready to play again. People were mingling. Lots of beer was being passed around.
"Come on, babe. I'm playing again. Why don't you stay and watch? You just might have fun."
"Please," Mariah pleaded. This was rather uncharacteristic of her. She wouldn't ordinarily fight in public.
"Look, I'll only do one more set. Promise."
"Forget it," Mariah hissed as she stormed away. She only had a minute left.
"Why was she back again?" Ed asked as he approached the patio/stage.
"What do you mean 'back again'?"
"She came earlier to clear the patio. Did all the work herself while I left to get the party food. Helped me out a hell of a lot. I thought you might have sent her."
Shane didn't have much time to think about it. A few seconds later an ear shattering blast was followed by horrible screams. The whole stage and surrounding area had gone up in flames. And surely the only two people who would suspect had gone up in the blast.

And now I'm sure you'd like to know how I know all this. The voices tell me that I should just admit that I rigged it all. Amazing how some electrical and shop classes provide you with the knowledge to rig a bomb. Of course, my physics knowledge is naught so I had to sneak my way into the police's stash of goodies down at the department. I guess I forgot to mention that my great-aunt is a cop in the sleepy little village. It wasn't too hard to steal from them - it was more difficult to find anything useable.
So as I was saying, I'm not certain where I'm going to eat tonight. I had to run right after the party. They would have suspected Mariah right away. That's why I handled it all. I'm the brains of this operation. But they still could have pieced together the missing explosives that happened to kill an unhappy girlfriend's boyfriend. Besides, I couldn't live as Mariah anymore. She was the broken-down orphan dating a future rock star killer. I've come farther than that. I've got my revenge, and I'm feeling good.