Wednesday, December 6^th, 1995
00:55 a.m.

Dear log,
I wonder if I can write in you freely. Eva read almost my entire October
entries and even though I don't have anything to hide from her my log is still
private and should be seen by me only.
We celebrated our one month anniversary 3 days ago, I bought her flowers (how
quaint) and she brought me a book with this hidden message in it.
The message being- Love has no limits, you can always love, and you never run
out of it.
About our progress in the relationship, it's still going very fast, so fast
that when I have time to think about it, it scares me.
Last entry I recall I told you she took her bra off, well even though no more
items of clothing have been removed, you'd be amazed what you could do.
I'm kind of embarrassed to tell you this too.
But here goes...
Last Friday she came over to my house, well actually, I was at Rona's and I
installed her my very old SoundBlaster card, Eva was already there, you
see I was pretty depressed and I didn't want to go out Friday, so it turned
out that I figured that since Eva has plans for that day, and I don't want
to be included in them cause I want to stay home depressed I won't see her
till Saturday. So Eva surprised me when she turned up to be at Rona's
house, after a long time fixing and destroying her computer Eva's dad
picked us up and I went to her place, I ate there and from there we went to my
place. And during the time she was in my place we made some progress, a whole
lot of progress.
How can I make it sound not pervertive? I guess I can't so I'll just write it
as it happened. I was wearing jogging pants and she started
touching my penis, well naturally arousing it, and since it's her, arousing it
even more than I can (ouch). She started rubbing it, and me knowing where
rubbing it will lead to stopped her, telling her that that's not a very good
idea, and I asked her if she wanted to do that. I don't know what she answered
but I let her continue until I reached orgasm, now call me crazy BUT THAT'S
ONE HELL OF A PROGRESS IN ONE MONTH!
2 days later at our one month anniversary she came to my house and did it
again, this time I asked her to wear lighter pants, she did, which made her
a lot more sensitive than usual. I touched her this time, but with girls it's
hard to find the exact right spot, she said that it was O.K. that her last
boyfriend couldn't make her reach orgasm, but I wasn't going to give up yet,
so later I kept on touching her there (I don't even know where I was touching)
eventually, she reached an orgasm.
Now normally I would say she said she did just to make me feel better, but
the next day she said that there was this yellowish stuff on her tampon, which
she didn't know happened. Meaning she actually had one. (I don't believe I
wrote this).
Anyway I hope I'll be able to do it again, cause right now I'm afraid I'll
never be able to do it again.
I have another problem now that I have a girlfriend, I always get depressed
during the last few days of the week (Wednesday and Thursday), I see Eva
usually at the start of the week and then during the end of the week I get the
impression that she doesn't want to see me and that I won't see her and I get
depressed, I hope I'll be able to solve the problem soon.
Either that or she'll dump me, whichever comes first.
I worry of how I'll handle my life without her, right now, she is my support,
she keeps on pushing me and helping me, the second I don't have her I'm lost
in a new place, without knowledge of where to go.
Another thing I have decided is to call Shawn and have a serious conversation
with her now that I don't love her anymore, I'll talk to her and ask her if
she wants to keep in touch with me or not, cause I'm sick of talking to her
about nothing.
Well that's all for now, I'd better go take a bath now.
END OF LOG



Monday, December 18^th, 1995
2:26 a.m.

Dear log,
I don't feel very good right now, for a number of reasons.
I am kind off sick (I have a cold) and that's why I'm not going to go to school
tomorrow and take a literature test.
Mena came to me and we talked a bit, and later on Mick and Rona came over.
I didn't have time to tell you about Mick and Rona cause my computer was
being repaired, the CD-ROM drive went haywire (again).
Mick decided last week that he's not quite sure about his feelings towards
Rona and didn't know if he wants to be with her anymore (as a boyfriend).
The problem was that Rona felt very hurt and was sure he was going to dump
her, she told him that if he dumped her they wouldn't remain friends cause she
won't be able to take it, after thinking about it a lot he decided to give
their relationship another go. They don't love each other but he wants a
girlfriend and she wants a boyfriend and they both are going to put a lot of
effort in this relationship so there is actually a chance it will work for a
while, but I believe nothing will change the fact that you need love to make
it work for more time.
Me? I don't know about me at the moment, I don't know what I'm going through
but I'm depressed, I'm angry, and I keep on annoying and depressing Eva,
even though I don't want to, I just do it. I turn mean to her and treat her
really badly and I can't control it.
I'm talking to her and I know I'm treating her bad, and I can't stop, I keep
on doing it, like I'm fucking possessed and I want to hurt her. Or maybe I do?
Maybe I want to hurt her, so she'll leave me, maybe I just want her to leave
me? But why? Do I want to be alone?
I wonder what she's doing now, I wonder if she's sleeping, or perhaps she's
crying, is she crying? Did I make her cry? Why am I hurting her? Why do I keep
on doing it? Why can't I stop? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I'm pathetic.
I'll be back later, I want to take a bath, I want to die...

Time: 2:50 a.m.

Here I am again... disappointed?
I guess you could say it started last Friday, or perhaps the Friday before
that? You see the Friday before that I went to Mick's party after watching a
play called "The Fall", it was pretty nice.
I got to Mick's party and Eva opened the door (actually she wasn't
supposed to be there, she was supposed to look after her brother but at the
end her parents let her go) we kissed near the door and went in. They were
watching "Pulp Fiction" on video, Eva was watching it with them, I was
hurt, I really love that movie (seen it 3 times) and I was hoping she'll see
it with me instead she went in sat on someone's lap (a sort of friend of mine from
school) and watched the rest of the movie. I know I shouldn't make a fuss
about a dumb movie but now that I was there the least she could do was give
me some attention, she didn't so I went upstairs to Rona and Mick (Eva
didn't follow). I got depressed for the entire evening, I left and I treated
Eva really coldly when I did. I mean that after the movie was over I
didn't pay attention to her. I watched the "X-Files" till she gave up and went
upstairs. While walking (yes walking) home with Nilo and the guy Eva sat on, I decided I
better go back and talk to Eva cause I felt bad, I did but they were just
leaving so I went with them a while and then we got to the place where we had
to go in different directions, Eva told me I could sleep at her place and
she'll explain to her parents, but I didn't want that I was feeling depressed
again and went my way, Eva wanted me to take a taxi, but I didn't I just
left her and her friends. While I was walking and feeling bad I decided that
I'll hitchhike so I raised my hand and the first car that came along stopped
and took me to my destination.
I stayed at home on Saturday cause it was my dad's birthday and his wife took
him for a weekend at this hotel in Tel-Aviv. Eva went to a close by town for
this thing with her scouts. She wanted me to go with her but I didn't want to,
she said she'll come to my house after it's over, I told her to do what she
wants. She came to me after it was over I was still depressed (I was hoping
she won't go and come directly to me, but I was wrong).
So she came but I didn't talk to her nor pay attention to her, finally she
gave up and stared at the TV all the time. I thought perhaps we should
separate, cause things weren't going for us, or you could say for me, I
started to miss the days when I was all alone, in love with someone I couldn't
have. She thought I was going to do it too, later on that day Shawn called
(while Eva was still here) I don't know why, but Shawn made me feel good
and after the conversation was over (and she still doesn't know I have a
girlfriend) I talked to Eva and told her that it was hard not to get any
attention cause that hurt and maybe it'll be better for us to separate cause
I'm not going to tell her to change, she promised to stop doing that (God
knows why, I'm not going to make her keep that promise). She then asked me an
annoying question, she asked me if I'll let her hug friends when we come and
leave I hated that question, like I own her or something. So we sort of made
up and everything was fine till last Friday.
Looking at it now, I did the same thing to Ana, I would get depressed and
didn't share it with her, thus annoying her greatly and finally she dumped me.
I really didn't change at all did I? I still hurt people, especially those
who are closest to me. Why? Why do I do it? And why can't I stop?
Ana gave up, Eva will too, is that what I want? For her to dump me?
Perhaps...
Anyway, Eva came to me on Friday afternoon, and we spent our time together
till evening, she took off her pants this time (and I gotta note that I didn't
quite know what to do when that happened I kind off lost it, that kind of thing
never happened to me, she looked good).
Anyway, we went to a movie called "Species" it sucked, later on we went to
Carmel and that's when I started to get moody again, I wrote a song in
Hebrew and Eva wanted to copy it, I wouldn't give it to her so she took it
and wouldn't give it back, that annoyed me.
Then we followed everyone home, and later I went to her house, things were
fine I guess, she gave me money for a cab cause I ran out, even though I
didn't want it, and she said she'll call my dad the following day when she'll
want me to come over to her place. So I left, and even though she didn't want
me to hitch hike, I didn't want to take a taxi alone so I did. Finally a guy
stopped me and then brought me all the way home.
I lied to her today, I told Eva I took a cab home and that I didn't even
try to hitch hike, I guess this makes me a liar now.
On Saturday I came to my dad's and waited for her call, around 8 o'clock I
felt hurt that she didn't call like she promised and left my dad's house (and
of course 10 minutes later she called) I didn't call to check if she was home
cause she promised to call me and I felt hurt that she didn't and I would have
felt even more hurt if I was to find out that she's home and didn't call.
So I came home and later on that day she called me I treated her bad and
finally her dad hung up the conversation (she had to go take a bath).
She called again today earlier (or should I say yesterday?) I treated her bad
again, I didn't tell her I loved her or if I feel anything when she tells me
she loves me. So right now she thinks I don't love her and that I enjoy
hurting her, even though I do feel weird when she tells me she loves me.
She said she'll come on Tuesday, I asked her not to promise things she can't
keep, she told me she will, I told her that if her mother tells her to stay
at home she'll stay at home, so not to promise anything. But to just call
before coming and that's it. I told her that if she promises to come to my
house on Tuesday I deliberately won't be home. I don't want to get my hopes
up and then be disappointed, like on Saturday, I want to see her and I get my
hopes up but at the end she doesn't call and I don't see her, so crash goes
my hope, I guess that's the price for hoping, for being optimistic.
To be pessimistic is a lot less painful, she isn't coming on Tuesday, and if she
will good, but I'm not going to tell myself that she's coming on Tuesday and
then be disappointed when she doesn't.
I guess I want to make her leave me, anyone who gets to close or tries to get
to close I scare away. I try to make him leave.
Fact: I treated Ana badly.
Fact: I treat Eva badly.
Conclusion: I treat my girlfriends badly.
Fact: I didn't love Ana, while I was with Ana I loved Shawn.
Fact: I do love Eva I don't love Shawn no more.
Conclusion: The fact that I treat my girlfriends badly doesn't matter if I
love them or not. I will treat all my girlfriends badly even if I will love
them.
Final conclusion: I can't change, I'd be better off alone, that way I'm not
hurting anybody, I treat my normal friends better than I treat my girlfriend.
If that fact didn't change since Ana, it won't change now cause I've changed
a lot during the past 2 years and that didn't change, meaning it never will.
I am better off alone, forever.
So I guess what I'm trying to do is make Eva leave me, and hate me.
Why? Perhaps because she deserves better than me, perhaps because I can't
believe she really loves me and feels anything towards me cause I believe
no one can love me. I don't know.
I wish I had a gun, everything would be so simple then, all I would have to do
was to just pull the trigger and BANG, no problems, everybody happy, happy
ending.
Well it's 3:50 now, I'd better get some shut eye, I pray to you god, please kill
me, don't leave me here, don't let me wake up in the morning, don't let me
wake up ever, just make me sleep forever, that's the only way for me, the only
solution for me, death.
But death doesn't take volunteers now does it?
END OF LOG



Wednesday, December 20^th, 1995
2:49 a.m.

Dear log,
why can't I find normal hours to write in you? Never mind.
I didn't go to sleep last night. I think I'll continue where the last log
ended, Nilo flew to Sweden to meet some family members, and didn't come to say
goodbye to me before he went. Later on Monday evening a friend of mine
came to my house to get some computer games, so I gave him some, in return he
gave me 2 movies to watch and left a disc called Cinemania 94, I stayed up all
night watching parts of movies and reading about all kinds of movies.
Needless to say I was depressed, Eva went to Tel-Aviv on that day, she
called and said she'll be on this TV show, I taped the show
and even got a glimpse of her when the audience was shown.
She said she'll call when she gets home but she didn't, I stayed up all night
and played the disc my friend left, and went to sleep around 10 a.m.
I slept till around 3 p.m. when I was awakened by a noise, it was Eva, I
was just happy to see her, and it was like I was never depressed at all.
I wanted to talk to her, to warn her, that these crazes will happen again and
I don't know when they'll stop but I just ended up kissing and hugging her.
Is it the physical contact I need so much? I don't know, when she's alone with
me everything seems so perfect and when she's not, everything seems wrong.
I can't even speak normally on the phone with her cause she's not here.
Anyway, she came to me and gave me a card.
The card says (and I quote):
"THeRe's No SPeCiaL ReaSoN FoR THiS CaRD..."
(Then you turn the page)
"I JuST WaNTeD To MaKe SuRe You DiDN'T FoRGeT Me!"
She also added:
"I love you.

With a sticker of a heart, sweet...

Anyway, it seemed like I was never depressed at all when she was here.
Later on she complained about not taking a bath on Monday cause she had no hot
water, I asked her if she'd like to take a bath in my house, after telling her
it's no problem, she agreed, only if I would keep her company, so I did.
I accompanied her to the bathroom, let her in, waited outside, and when she
was behind the curtains I got in. While she was taking a bath I put on my
contacts and talked to her. After the bath I turned off the lights in the
bathroom (she doesn't like to be seen in a lot of light cause she thinks you
can see the hair on her, which is true, but in the dark you can't).
So I turned of the light in the bathroom and she came out wearing a towel, we
kissed and hugged and etc. and she asked what would happen if she would let go
the towel, I stated it wouldn't be a good idea, and while we were discussing
that, the phone rang, it was my mom, after a short conversation I returned to
the bathroom, where Eva was still holding a towel, she started touching
me in ways that drive you crazy (and if you have a girlfriend you know what I
mean) and she stopped holding the towel, finally it fell down, and she was
standing completely and utterly naked (except for the heart chain I gave her
when we became boy/girlfriend). I was shocked/embarrassed/confused (choose)
I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do, I mean a shirt and a bra is
one thing and even though I saw her with underwear only (I didn't tell you
about that did I?) I wasn't really ready or expecting this.
(About the underwear thingy, I did write a bit about it last entry, or before
that.)
I didn't look nor stare at the point where your average male would, I didn't
feel really comfortable being there, but she wanted me to look at her, so I
did, what can I tell you, not much, she was there before me, naked, not really
much to say about that (OOOOOOOUUUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!).
I still don't think it happened, I started feeling I was on TV, that this
isn't for real, but it was real all right, she was there, naked.
Normally I wouldn't make a fuss about it, but this isn't your normal
situation, I mean, her last boyfriend (who was with her for a whole year and
two months) didn't see her naked, he only touched the place I was now looking
at, I felt weird, and then the phone rang, it was Eva's friend, I fooled her a bit and
made her believe she got the wrong number, un/fortunately (you pick) she
believed she got the wrong number and hung up. I didn't bother calling her,
and returned to the bathroom, where Eva was still naked. After a short
while she put her underwear on, and I carried her (yes, carried her) to my
room and lay her on the bed. After she made me reach an orgasm, and I tried to
give her one (but was unsuccessful at that cause she was wearing underwear with
this pad on it) she told me I could remove her underwear.
You probably know about my life philosophies by now, so I tried not to remove
it, the point being, she asked me to do it, she kept touching me and kissing
and breathing into my ear (which is a very stimulating and can drive a person
mad), after resisting for about 10 minutes, my hands just went and took off
her underwear. So much for me being able to control my fucking hormones from
doing things I think are not to be done only after a month and a half of being
together, I mean, if this goes on, we'll be having sex in less than 3 months,
that's not good idea. So I took her underwear off and I touched her "there"
in a specific spot, it was pretty easy to make her squirm now, and she reached
an orgasm. I guess you already guessed that I've never touched a completely
naked woman, which is why this is very painful to a certain part of my body.
I then saw her body again, it is beautiful, but I'm just saying that cause
this is all new and I'm really excited.
Later on I asked her if now when I change my underwear if she'll look at me
(I took a bath once and told her that I'm going to take of my underwear and
that if she had problems with it she'd better leave, she left. Another time
she wanted me to remain with underwear only, and not the boxer kind, I changed
in front of her but she didn't look).
Eva said that maybe, but when I took of my undies to wear pants with a
hole in front (like a boxer) she didn't look, she later didn't take my pants
off, she just slid her hand underneath it and touched my penis.
Since I already reached an orgasm that day, no matter how she tried I couldn't
reach another plus the fact that she didn't know exactly where to touch and
how to touch it when it's not covered by pants.
She left around 23:00 (11 PM) and took a cab home, she called and her dad had to use
the phone, she said she'll call again, but she won't, it's too late now.
There's not much left for us to do, the next step is sex and god help us if
we do it. She said she doesn't want her first time to be with a condom, now
all of a sudden it seems like she doesn't care. I have a feeling that sex is
a bad idea, at least this soon. Maybe she should come to my house less cause
we do all that stuff because we have all the privacy we want in my house.
I don't know.
Well it's late, I'd better get some sleep, maybe I'll get my hair cut today.
I still need to talk to Shawn.
END OF LOG



Saturday, December 30^th, 1995
22:29 (10:29 PM)

Dear log,
check the time, it's not that late now. I have a history exam tomorrow, and
you guessed it, I didn't start learning yet.
10 days have past since the last entry and some things have happened during
this time. I'll try to start form the beginning.
Hanukkah, I saw Eva the second time on Thursday, I was supposed to go to
Ashkelon but he said he can't on Thursday, so Eva came, and stayed here
till around 00:00 o'clock. She told her mom there was a surprise party for
Lin, and there was supposed to be one, but at the end it was canceled and
moved to Friday morning, but Eva couldn't come.
On Thursday we got each other naked again, and again she slipped her hand in
my boxer shorts, but this time it was easier for her (first time in the day)
so I reached an orgasm, since she sort of pulled my penis out of the hole in
the boxer shorts, I made a mess on myself, so I took a bath, while she was
there talking to me, there was a hole in the curtain so she could see me, but
she never looked in a specific place on my body. She left pretty late that
day, using the excuse of the surprise party.
Monday morning I got a shot for some disease (first out of three) and went to
Lin's surprise party, Lin was not surprised cause her grandma asked her
if her friends had arrived yet. It was there where Lin found a new
boyfriend, Daniel, a nice chap with a sense of humor. Lin doesn't love him,
she just doesn't want to be alone, and since I believe he does love her she
decided to be with him. Later on Friday night Eva convinced her parents to
let me come to her house I stayed there till around 4 a.m. and took a cab
home.
It was around Hanukkah somewhere were we first started to discuss sex, you
probably know what I think about it, and this is where things change.
I mean, when I'm not with her, I can think about it, and when I'm with her I
lose control and want to do it. I've discussed the sex problem I have with 3
people, Rona, Lin, Marva. For you to understand the complete story I must
tell you that Eva has no problem whatsoever with sex, she wants to do it
with me, I'm the one having the problems.
Why? I'm scared, I'm scared of fucking up, she didn't have sex yet and I want
to make her first time the best as I can, and I'm not sure I can do that.
I love her, and I don't want her to have sex just cause I like it and I'm
enjoying it.
Rona and Lin told me I had to be sure I wanted to do it, and that after
doing it, no matter what happens, I won't have any regrets. But Marva made me
feel better about it all, she said she didn't have sex with Charley at the end,
but she knew a lot about it and told me to go with it. I guess I will.
Eva is going to make an appointment with her doctor in February (not cause
to give us time but because there is no earlier date) and then she is going
to start taking pills and then we're going to do it. I know that if she
already had pills we would have done it already.
Saturday I called Ashkelon and he told me I could come on Sunday, I also
called Shawn, I wanted to ask her to either start trusting me and I'll trust
her, and we'll tell each other about the other or simply disconnect, after
talking for an hour I got enough courage to do it, but her parents needed the
phone so we hung up, so now, when she calls me, I'll ask her.
About the pills business, Eva made the appointment on Tuesday, not
before.
On Sunday I met Eva again, this time in the morning around 7:20 a.m.
before going to Ashkelon, to meet Ofir, she said then that she might ask her
doctor for pills, at the end she didn't cause in the morning, her doctor
wasn't there and when she went again in the afternoon her mother accompanied
her so she couldn't ask for the pills. I went to Ashkelon, met Ofir, got tons
of programs and am now still looking at them, I wish I had more time for them,
they truly are amazing.
On Monday I met Eva again, this time I went to her house to study for my
math exam on Tuesday, we did learn a bit, and then I went home.
Tuesday, I don't recall much from Tuesday, Rona came over we talked a bit,
I shared her about my sex problem (Eva made the appointment on Tuesday).
I later accompanied Rona to the bus stop and went back home.
Wednesday:
On Wednesday, Eva surprised me when she appeared at my school, my math
teacher didn't let her in the class but my English teacher did (don't you love
English?), she sat next to me for 2 hours of English, fortunately for me,
literature class was canceled and I went home 2 hours early. It was then when
I found out that she tried to make an appointment but didn't get a date.
I walked with her till her private tutor, and after it was over she came to my
house and stayed till 17:30 (her parents didn't know about it), I asked her
a few days before what she would do if I bought condoms, she said that if I
buy condoms and they are not on my XXXX, she's a plant, I decided to check the
theory, and so comes Thursday.
After finishing school (and not sleeping all night cause I talked to Eva
and did most of my homework, I bought condoms at this machine)
I asked Eva to figure out to herself if I did or
didn't buy condoms, and told her I'll tell her on Friday if I did or didn't.
I later went to a movie (Mortal Kombat) cause s friend gave me a free ticket
he wasn't going to use, Gob came along, I enjoyed the movie.
Friday:
On Friday I almost didn't learn, I learnt to late that literature was
canceled, so I came to school had a talk about drugs the first hour, went to
sports class on the second, and then went home. Eva came to my house around
14:00. I told her I got condoms, and she started looking for them (with me
telling her if she's hot or cold), eventually she found one.
After lunch, I made her reach an orgasm (meaning I took off her clothes and
once again she was completely naked, ouch) after that she said she wanted to
try something, while she's still naked she sat on me where my penis is (I was
wearing a training) and moved on it, I sort of panicked, I think. I had this
terrified look in my eyes, I wasn't expecting this you see, and it gave me
quite a shock. She then got dressed and got me undressed, after failing to
open the condom, I did it, she then tried to put it on me. Now I have problems
with condoms, they seem to be a bit small for me, which makes them harder to
put them on. So this time she had to look at it, and she did, cause I told her
I'm not helping her. Now with a condom it's a totally different feeling being
touched by her when without one, and so it made me squirm less but made me
feel I was going to reach a quick orgasm. My mother interrupted us, so I
quickly wore my pants, and gave her the phone (that's why she interrupted us)
and then we continued. She asked me what was the best way to make me squirm,
and I felt the weirdest when she was on top of me (she was wearing jeans), so
she got on top of me and made moves that you'd make if you were doing "it".
The problem is that when she does it, I am the only one feeling anything, she
isn't aroused or something cause she's wearing jeans, but she said it was OK.
So I reached orgasm, and then she started touching me in ways that gave
chills. It started arousing my penis (even though I reached orgasm about 30
minutes earlier) and she took of her pants and sat on me which made it aroused
even more (I also tried to make Eva reach a second orgasm a few minutes
after her first but was unsuccessful at that). This time I was completely
naked and she was wearing only underwear. She was laying on her back and I was
laying on her on my back (weird, I know, but this is a pretty dangerous
situation if something fucks up) and after a while I reached a second orgasm
which made me and her pretty messy. We decided to take a bath... together.
This time we were completely naked, but not to worry nothing happened, we had
a bath, soaped each other, and my penis started being aroused again (what a
pain it can be at times). We decided that doing it while taking a bath is
very sexy, and I bet we'll try it out sometime.
After that I put my underwear on and she stayed naked, I then made her reach a
second orgasm, one time I was on top of her and my undies were touching her
uh... "private part" and it made her squirm a bit (and since I didn't feel
anything, I didn't know why she was squirming), cute.
So we decided that we want to make love, and we keep telling each other that,
and giving this sign in the hand, odd.
Later on we went out, we hitch hiked to a restaurant called where
I ordered some food, even though I ate a bit of pizza at home.
After hanging out with Eva and her friends, I went to her house, she
wanted me to stay overnight, but I knew her parents wouldn't like that, my
eyes were red, so I took of my contact lenses and put them in this contact dish
her father gave her, since I didn't have my bottles with the solution I just
put water in them. I then fell asleep with her on her bed, I woke up a few
times during the time I was there, every time I woke up I told her I had to go,
but she didn't listen and I fell asleep, her parents woke us up for breakfast,
and so I had breakfast with them, and went home around 13:30 (1:30 PM)
Her parents didn't do anything to her (I thought they'd be mad) they just
asked her not to make a habit out of it.
And so I actually got a chance to sleep with her, even though I was too tired
to stay awake a bit and kiss her and stuff.
I left her and went to my grandma's house cause my mother was supposed to pick
me up (I didn't tell her I was staying at Eva's house), I felt good.
I felt good for the past week, good like I haven't felt in a long time, I mean
check this out: I'm in love, and am being loved by the person I love.
Things can't get any better, they can only get worse, but I keep preparing
myself for the blow, so when it comes I'll be ready for it.
I really do love Eva and now, more than before, the more I'm with her, the
more I love her. We have plans for tomorrow, for new years eve, first time in
17 years when I'll have a chance to kiss a girl at midnight.
Eva has a math final exam this Thursday, a day after our 2 months
anniversary, since she can't really see me that day, I'm going to surprise her
with flowers after the exam is over, so if she'll have a good exam she'll
be happy to see me, and if not, I'll be there to cheer her up for about half
an hour.
We also have plans to go out on Friday, but all those days are pretty far from
now.
Gee, 2 months and she still hasn't dumped me, she must really love me in
order to have put up with me for so long.
Well, I'll be going now to take a bath, I'll write again in January 1996, next
year, cool. You know, another 5 months and I'll have a log that documented a
year of my life, one of the most meaningful ones, yet. Perhaps this log
business wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Well 23:58 here, The_anonym, signing off.
END OF LOG.