Sunday, March 10th, 1996
2:07 a.m.
Dear log,
why can't I write in you in normal hours? who knows?
Well many things have happened during the time I had neglected you, and I will brief you shortly with
them since it's late and I have school tomorrow and I want to get some sleep too. Well, for starters
Nilo broke up with his girlfriend, he wasn't having fun in the relationship, so he decided to stop it,
even though his ex didn't want to end it since she does like him. Also Rona and Mick broke up or
something, I mean, they are officially separated, but according to what I
understand they still smooch
and act like they were before (only they are not official boy/girl-friend) and for desert Guy a friend
also wants to break up from his girlfriend and is planning to do it soon. Enough separations? When you
think of it, almost all of the new couples are separating, 2 out of 3 couples
from Nilo's party and
Nilo himself, I guess the only couples left are Charley and Ana (and God knows how long they will last,
though I hear that they were having troubles since Ana isn't as "easy" as Marva was), and of course
yours truly and Eva, and I definitely know that this relationship will last
for at least another 2
months (even though it'll probably be way way more than that, and that's even better). Your probably
asking how come I'm so optimistic thinking that this relationship will last for more than a week (like
my usual pessimistic point of view) well, I sorta got a hunch since we did
something REALLY BIG Friday
night. The story is like this, the gang wanted to see the movie "Ace Ventura 2" I didn't feel like
going out (even though there was a chance of dying due to the 4 bombings that
occurred the past 2
weeks and which people are still afraid of plus rumors that the next bombing will be somewhere in
my city), so anyway, I thought I'll go to the movie anyway, but then I found
out that we were going
to the late show and I didn't feel like it. Eva didn't come to my house that afternoon either, she
went to her Grandma's. So I thought that she'll probably go to the movie and I'll see her Sunday. Eva
didn't want to go to the movie without me so she decided to come to my house after her Grandma's, and
she did that. I then took a bath with her (which is something we do every chance we can), now I was
feeling quite horny (if you'll pardon my French) so I asked her if she wants to have sex here and now,
she as usual answered with a yes, this is a pretty normal situation and it even kept being normal, I
then asked her if she wants her first time to be in the bath, which she preferred
not. And that
ended that, or so I thought, later on I asked again if she wants to be spontaneous
today and do it now,
she answered with a yes, only this time she sounded serious, and this is where I began to sweat, she
was serious, so a bit later (about half an hour) we decided to be "spontaneous"
and (according to NIKE
commercials) "Just Do It".
Now every porn movie you see on TV where it looks so easy - is a lie.
We tried to have sex for around a hour and half, we were just to dry and tense to do anything, after
that I was pretty much exhausted and ready to give up and just go to bed, of course we were trying to
find solutions, I thought of the bathtub, but we didn't want to do it there. I also thought of a condom
(since they are oily) but we didn't want our first time to be with a condom, later we decided that
we'll use a condom at the beginning and if all goes well I'll take it off. And so I put a condom on and,
well, let's say it helped, we were doing it, we were making love. Now we were both pretty much affected
by that, only she was more than me, cause I didn't know where or what I was doing because of the condom.
She also seemed to quite like it, I asked her if she wants me to take off the condom, first time she
didn't answer, second time she said yes (note: at the time we finally managed to have sex, my mom came
home) so I took of the condom (which got torn) and I got inside her. And this is where I'm supposed to
describe it, well I guess just one thing can. WOW!!!! THAT WAS GREAT!!! I've never felt like it in my
entire life, I was having the time of my life and I definitely didn't want
it to end. When I was
inside her, I couldn't move, any movement would just drive me wild (and if I'm too wild well, I finish
and it's over) it was definitely something, I was also sweating like crazy.
And then she started
moving me, which was pretty much more than I could handle, and so it ended. And so if the birth pills
aren't helping we'll really have to call our son "OOPS".
One thing I do have against it is that even though I was having fun, and Eva also liked it very much
is that she can't reach orgasm while we're having sex, I wonder if there something I could do cause
I'd really like her to...
Well, I haven't told anyone about it yet, and it'll take some time till I do, Eva wants to keep it
between us for now, and since I don't know what to say about it I'll do the same. I really hope those
pills work, or else we are in deep trouble. Oh well, the doctor did say 100% guaranteed right?
Well it's late, I'd better get some shut eye, so good night, and I'll write again some time soon,
Eva is supposed to come today...
I can already guess what were going to do...
END OF LOG
Wednesday, March 27, 1996
22:50 (10:50 PM)
Dear log,
I tried to avoid writing in you but I guess I can't do that can I?
All is pretty bad and getting worse, you know, Shawn's birthday is April
second, and it's turning to be one of the worst days I'm going to have.
Well what's new you ask? Well, let's see.
First of all my grandfather passed away on Friday, March 15th. His funeral was
on the following Sunday, I attended it, they wrapped him in this white thing
and put him in the ground, it was pretty shocking seeing that.
I didn't cry or anything, frankly me and my sister sort of acted the same,
we
kept our lives going normally like nothing happened.
I have been getting much closer to my sister recently, I talk to her more and
I tell her more about my life (didn't that fortune teller tell me that that's
gonna happen?) I mean, my sister is the only person I told I had sex. Nilo
asked me and I lied and told him we didn't and I also lied to Rona about it
when she asked. I feel pretty close to my sister now which is neat.
What else? I started taking driving lessons, my seventh lesson will be
tomorrow, and I'm only learning for 2 weeks, which means that if I do well,
I'll have a license in no time at all, and then I'll drive my mom's car and I
won't have to be dependent on dumb busses and stuff.
Also Shawn called last Saturday, I don't have the vaguest idea why, I wasn't
home so my mom talked to her for a while, I don't know if I'll call her back
yet, I might, if I feel like it, I will send her a card for her birthday
though, I already bought one, it's a stupid card but that's all she's gonna
get, and if she doesn't like it, tough!
And last but definitely not least (extremely not least, probably the most
important thing I have to say in this log, I mean, that's why I wrote in
today), Eva has an operation next Tuesday (which happens to be Shawn's
birthday), now about that operation, I'm feeling as sick as she does about it,
I mean, when we talk about it, my stomach starts to hurt and I feel sick like
I'm going to throw up or something. I can't stand the thought of people
cutting my girlfriend. I mean, I know they're pro's, I
know they do it a lot, but I can't stand it, it's driving me up the fucking
walls. Not to
mention the fact that when the army called her the dumb doctor there told her to
take her bra off, something that he isn't supposed to do, which also makes me furious
(cause that I know was pleasure only), people like that make me sick, who use
their position and rank to do terrible things.
On the same day of the operation, I also have to go to the army about not
wanting to serve in a fighting unit and guess what (WHAT?!?!) it's half an
hour after the operation is supposed to begin, meaning that I won't be able
to be with her at the beginning of the operation (I wanted to be with her
all the day so I'll see her right after) so much for that thought, I will try
to postpone it but if they won't, FUCK THEM, I don't give a damn.
The operation really scares me, she was supposed to have a mini operation
today, but she didn't at the end, I was with her all the time in the hospital,
and it was a good thing to since that's where she heard that the operation
might be worse then she thought, she said she almost cried and it was really
good that I was there. When I say worse I mean that they might have to remove
one of her ovaries, she's too young to go through that. I don't want her to go
through that. I don't mind doing it though, take me! I'm available!
I feel so helpless, like there is nothing I can do (and there is nothing I can
do), I feel cursed, like this is my fault, it might be you know.
I can only hope that the doctors won't have to take the ovary out. Knowing my
luck and the bad luck I inflict upon others that is what will happen. I hate
myself. I don't know what to do, I'm going crazy, I need her to be with me
now, but she can't, I'm alone now, and I feel very alone too, I don't want
to be alone now, man I wish she didn't have parents who don't let her do what
she wants to do, but there is nothing I can do, absolutely nothing...
END OF LOG