Tuesday, October 24^th, 2000
3:00 a.m.

Dear Log,
Dear Diary,
To whom it may concern...

"Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown, this time I'm coming down"

"Now the drugs don't work, they just make you worse"

"If heaven calls, I'm coming too, just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead"

The Verve - The Drugs Don't Work

They really don't...
I'm taking 4 anti-depression pills each morning... yet I feel worse than ever before...
I thought I was supposed to be immune to pain...
I probably AM pain...
Remember Tiff? After a year and a half of silence, I sent her an E-mail... I was feeling so alone... and I needed to know why...
She didn't give me an answer, she told me that she managed to find a way to love herself, and she found her true love...
Proving once again, that life was meant for the living...
I had a break from the studies, saw a shrink and got pills for my condition... they don't help...
I think I can do this now...
I have nothing to loose...
No friends, no life, no cares, no worries...
I'm going to take them all, all the anti-depression pills I have, and go to sleep... I'll either wake up sick... or won't wake up...
Maybe if I take them all, all at once, maybe then, for once in my life, the pain will stop, and I'll be able to relax... I'll be able to be quiet...
I made up 15 tunes...
I bought a guitar...
I have no idea how to play it...
Pathetic, isn't it?
The songs will come with me to my grave...
Along with my life...
I have one friend...
A pen-pal, or perhaps an E-mail pal, from Egypt... "the enemy"...
This life is so stupid and pointless...
I'm going to take all the pills, then give him this web address... he'll be the first to read it, to know who I really am...
My family will use Gob to get to all my E-mail accounts, he knows how I think... I'm sorry I couldn't help him... but how can I help him when I can't help myself?
I hope he'll be ok...
To the rest of the people I know... I'd like to give them a heartly, FUCK OFF, it's my life, I never wanted it, I was forced in it, and I'm going out baby, through the fucking FRONT DOOR.
NO MORE.
NO MORE PAIN, NO MORE HEARTACHE, NO MORE HUMAN STUPIDITY...
My grave awaits...
I hope this time, I'll make it...
If I fail, then there's no telling what kind of crap will happen to me...
I'll be taking a total of 30 pills...
That should knock out an elephant, right?
I'd drink alcohol, but I hate the taste...
3:15 a.m.
Got studies tomorrow, math... perhaps if I was someone else... someone good... I could actually enjoy the subject... but not in the state I'm in now...
This is The Anonym, a certain LoneLines from Haifa, named Yoav, signing off, I'll see you all in hell, I'll keep it warm for you.
End Of Log - Last Entry