-Evilness-
You are aware of my situation
My loneliness as it haunts me.
However, your idea of love
Was the basis for my slavery
Weak, heartless
Like an aged cruel man,
Veteran of a war that scarred him.
Your love is like a wall
No real textures or colors
Just still as evolve behind it.
And the wall that you made for yourself keeps you safe.
As the honesty you had
Melts away.
It’s so hard for you to tell me
That you love me
After all of the situations that have plagued us
But those encouraging words
Gave me strength
As it came from him, and from you,
Except I took it as something else from you
When I saw it wasn’t a disguise.
The three words were most satisfying.
Creation was its making—
Well, they are one and the same
But my heart is livened
Just thinking about you saying it again with the heart you had.
Because for another night
I cry myself to sleep.
Another night
I take the blade and sacrifice the blood
That I would share with you.
All evilness aside—
I wanted you.
And this separation kills me
Laughter that has never been mine
Fills my room and gives me
The power to kill again
Even though I’ve only killed myself.
The communication is our enemy
As I dream again of nothing
It’s my fault if we never survive.
As I pushed you away
For the good of discovery
I wanted every choice, spontaneity
I wanted peace of mind.
And I wanted it with someone else.
It’s my fault if you don’t’ love me.
I was never good enough
I placed myself too high.
I forgot I was just the pawn.
This will kill me for sure
And I know that laughter will right joyously.
I think I would laugh
This sadistic moment
Was pointless
Beside the point—
I would never dream of such evil things
If you wouldn’t leave me
So unsatisfied.
I want stability like you,
Even though you deny it
And this love I feel will haunt me
Its evil darkness can stalk me
Forever as I dream of nothing.
It hurts me deeply
Your ideas of love, commitment
Make me sick and if you existed
As you had before,
There would be a problem.
The kiss, the real thing
Is lacking both ways
Promise after promise
All the same, all the same.
You watch me as I fidget
In my hostile yet lonely situation
Trying to figure you out.

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