Y2K, the Ultimate Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
A self-fulfilling prophecy is defined as an expectancy that leads to a certain pattern of behavior whose consequences confirm the expectancy. The infamous apocalyptic Y2K problem stems from the fact that computer programmers were lazy, and couldn’t grasp the concept of life existing after the year 1999, so when the year 2000 comes older computers will think it is the year 1900. This is unnerving for the populace, who with a particular case of paranoia will buy guns, which will fix everything. The media has stirred up a frenzy of catchphrases and naysayers with random pH’s, that consequently has old epsilon minuses buying software from Norton that will backup minesweeper high scores. The fact is that the average person’s computer will have no problem, but we had better pay people to run exe’s to ensure the computer is less than ten years old, and putting a sticker on computers that say Y2K compliant. These stickers posses magical powers which will ward of the veil spirits released when the ball drops in Times Square. Kind of like how the rock in my garden keeps away dinosaurs.
First the background. Many of the world’s circuitry, which runs everything from televisions to car dashboards to intercontinental ballistic missiles have a glitch that makes them incapable of reading the date 2000. So when the clock strikes 12 on December 31 1999, or 99 in compu-language, it will be 00, or 1900 as we see it. This will screw billing, tracking systems, etc., which most people say will be the beginning of the end. A recent CNN poll (official motto: polls taken in upper class white neighborhoods always represent everyone’s feelings) shows that 47% of Americans will take their money out of their bank, 33% will stockpile food, 13% will arm themselves, and 12% will actually move to a rural area. Just for comparison, 30% of Americans think it’s wrong for the president to fuck overweight Jewess girls while running their country.
A recent article in Time magazine depicted an overweight Christian family from Ohio have bought a gas generator, stockpiles of food, waterbeds so if water crashes they can drink their beds, and have learned field medicine and dentistry. And what happens when looters come? They also have guns, lots of them. They practice drills in their house, yelling "Y2K is here!" then they fire up the generator (because even though there will be no water, gasoline will be in abundance) to see how many amenities their cushy consumptive American lifestyles can keep during the Apocalypse. These paranoid freaks are the bane of everyone who is capable of sentience. How the hell can you call yourself Christian and arm yourself against people who want to survive if the end does come?
Now time for my rant. The media has stirred a raging brood of ignorance, which they have decided, to market. Articles, products, books, all for us to buy a little bit of security. People who aren’t Christian are worried that all this shit that hasn’t anything to do with computers will happen fail to notice that it is just another year, and that the only reason the number is 2000 is because of a god which doesn’t exists’ birthday. It is the computer illiterate who are the most worried. They lack the common sense to realize that companies aren’t going into this thing blindly. I admit, that many corporations have lied about the problem being fixed to maintain stock values, but common sense dictates that they will expend great effort in avoiding their livelihood coming to an abrupt end. But you see the people who are making money off this frenzy are destroying themselves. By creating mass hysteria people are going to take a lot of money out of their bank accounts, so banks will run out of money, creating chaos in itself. America’s answer? Print out more money, thus depreciating the dollar value and creating economic turmoil. The shcema created by profiteers will destroy them.
The Y2K problem will be a big problem, but the more we as a society (keyword!) blow it out of proportion the worse it will be. Don’t take money out of the bank, just double check your receipts and if there is a discrepancy the banks will deal accordingly. On January 1st there will be a lot of hangovers, some people pissed because they have wasted time and money, but assuming people use their heads then we won’t have many problems. There will be crashes, we will have to reset the clocks on our microwaves, and less developed countries will be in trouble due to primitive computer systems which will mess up the stocks. The dollar value will depreciate; cultist sheep that we are better off without will make the headlines. But you know what? We will still be here, consuming, worrying about the year 2001 when the new millenium actually begins and the horsemen annihilate existence, but we will still go on.