In the few years that I have been in this Earth, I have observed many curious and quite pointless things. I am proud to say that
I have been able to recover from the amount of stupidity regularly stuffed down my throat by the general populace, and, I am happy to say, have rebounded quite well!
In fact, I have been able to isolate a few of the things that I think need to be addressed by a group of thinking people. I present to you the results of my slightly deluded
quest, and hope that you too can see why I think that some of the samples are truly reflections of a world gone mad.
Wit & Wisdom
(or not)
Some of my ponderings...
- Why is it that I get the eerie suspicion that Jim Carey sold his soul to Satan?
- Why do we call it a "handgun"...as opposed to what? Those uncomfortable yet quite accurate penis guns?
- We call them "wild" animals, yet I have never seen one of THEM sell drugs to their own children or start wars over arbitrary political borders.
- I am sure glad that the US has established the "Nutrition Facts Label" system. Now I KNOW why I shouldn't eat a stick of pure lard.
- The only difference between sexual harassment and flirting is:
If you think they are cute...they are flirting.
- Everyone demands equal privelege and whines when denied it...until there is a war; then it's the other guy's responsibility.
- Do they have French Ticklers in Spain? Or Spanish Fly in France?
- Am I the only one who thinks that God created us as a practical joke?
- Why do companies improve the packages for their products at least once a year,
but still keep putting the same crappy stuff in them?
- Oasis=CRAP
- Someone once told me that the only way to be saved is to accept Jesus as my saviour.
Hmmm...I guess that all of those millions of people
who lived over 2000 years ago are up Shit's Creek!
- Why is it, that when they are side by side, I can't tell the difference between
Jay Leno and a panda's ass?
- Contrary to popular belief, cats do not always land on their feet...Especially if you cut off their feet!
- It is said thet Arsenic has the taste of almonds. However, the subjects we tested had no comment.
- Once anyone discovers the meaning of life, they instantly die.
- The collective IQ of any hick town is inversely proportional to its population.
- The only way to get the phone call that you are expecting is to fall asleep, and miss it.
- I have a theory about religion: YOU'RE ALL RIGHT! NOW STOP FIGHTING SO I CAN SLEEP!
- If you mix pig entrails into a glass of cherry cola, it won't change the flavor.
It will still taste like pig entrails.
Thank you for pretending to care
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