Finding the Lost
Finding the Lost
by June "KaraOhki" Geraci
March 31, 2002
Rev. June 30, 2002
Tenchi doesn't belong to me, but to Hiroki Hayashi, Masaki Kajishima, AIC and Pioneer. Ranma 1/2 doesn't belong to me either, but to Rumiko Takahashi. This tale was written to make you smile, not for commercial purposes.
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"Young lady, when I talk to you, look at me!"
Sasami raised her head for a moment, saw her father's angry expression, and looked down again.
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm sorry, Papa."
"And well you should be! First you 'borrow' my pet without asking, and now you tell me she's lost?"
"Yes, Papa."
"How hard have you looked?"
Sasami sniffled. "I looked hard, Papa! But I couldn't find her. I think maybe--" the little princess stopped to wipe her eyes and blow her nose before continuing. "I think maybe she died when our ship crashed."
The king closed his eyes. Azusa had been quite fond of his pet ferret, and the thought that it might have perished upset him a great deal. When he opened his eyes again his daughter had gone from sniffles to full-blown hysterics. He glanced around to make sure no one was watching before gathering her into his arms. "Don't cry, dear. I'll find her."
*****
"How does one go about locating a lost pet on this planet?"
Tenchi gulped. The last thing he expected was that his great-grandfather would come to him for advice. Fortunately, the answer was not difficult. "Normally people hang up posters with pictures of the lost pet. Sometimes they offer a reward."
"Excellent! I shall see to it immediately."
Azusa took Tenchi's advice to heart, and soon every telephone pole in town was plastered with pictures of the missing ferret. What the young man was not aware of was that the Emperor of Jurai never did anything by halves. He had also placed an advertisement in every single newspaper in the country.
*****
"I'm going to call her again, and if I get that damn machine this time I'm going over there and smashing it!" The sounds of a phone being dialed followed that muttered statement, and soon the phone on the other end was picked up.
"Azusa, you're late! Practice was supposed to start--"
"Hello! You've reached Azusa's house. I'm very, very busy right now, taking care of my little Philomena. Leave a message, and I'll call you back later. Bye!"
Mikado Sanzenin hung up the phone so hard that it nearly fell off the wall, and grabbed his jacket. Ever since Azusa had found her new pet, their practice sessions had gone completely downhill. Either she didn't show up, or she had that damned thing with her. It was time he did something about it.
As the angry young man headed for the exit to the skating arena, he passed a series of benches. Someone had discarded a newspaper on one of them, and it was opened to an advertisement.
"MISSING! Reward!" That normally wouldn't have stopped him for a moment, considering how focused he was on his mission, except for the picture that accompanied the words. It was a picture of the bane of his existence: a small ferret.
*****
"You know where she is? Wait a moment, let me get a pen! What's that address again?" Azusa wrote frantically for a moment, and then spoke again. "I'll meet you there in five minutes, and once I get her back you'll be rewarded. Thank you so much!" He was out of the house so fast that the windstorm he created ruined the hairdos of all the women present. Tenchi came flying down the stairs.
"What's going on?"
"Papa is going after his pet!" announced Sasami.
"What's he taking? Not his ship?"
"But he's in a hurry, Tenchi!"
Tenchi sank to the floor, covering his face. "Why me?"
Mikado took his time getting across town. The phone number he'd just dialed was not a local one, so he wasn't at all worried about getting there first. As far as he was concerned, it would take a lot longer than five minutes for the owner of the ferret to arrive at Azusa's house, no matter how sincere he sounded.
He was wrong. When he arrived at the house, there was pandemonium everywhere. A strange vehicle was parked in the middle of the street, causing traffic to be hopelessly snarled. The police were trying to direct cars around the obstruction, and there was a lot of screaming and shouting.
Sanzenin ignored it. He was more interested in the sounds of screaming coming from inside his partner's house.
"No! You can't take Philomena away! Philomena belongs to Azusa!"
"That's right! She belongs to ME!"
"No! Philomena belongs to AZUSA!"
*****
It took a few minutes for Mikado to figure out that both of the claimants to the ferret were named Azusa. No wonder his partner was so confused. It took him even less time to realize that 'Philomena,' or whatever the ferret's name was, belonged to the regal-looking gentleman who had placed the ad in the paper. The little animal was sitting on the man's shoulder, rubbing her face against his, and looking quite content. She had never behaved so nicely with Azusa, instead trying to run off at any opportunity. His partner had several bite marks on her hands, received when she squeezed the animal too hard.
"I've had enough of this. It's time to call in some backup." The male Azusa pulled some kind of device from his pocket, and made a call. "Kiyone? I need your assistance here in retrieving an item that belongs to me--a lost pet. Here's the address."
*****
"Wait a moment, I don't have a pen!"
"Oh, I have one. Just repeat it to me!"
Kiyone desperately reached for the pen in Mihoshi's hand, but her featherbrained partner refused to give it up, and she reluctantly repeated the address to her. "We'll be there shortly. Don't cause any trouble, sir! Your presence on Earth is supposed to be low-key!"
Kiyone slammed the phone down and ran outside. Mihoshi was already starting the engines on their cruiser. "Let's go!" she cried. "I know how to get there!"
"Gods, we're in trouble again," muttered her partner.
*****
Across town from the Shiratori residence, Akane was not having a good day. Ranma had promised to take her out for ice cream, but everyone and everything seemed to be conspiring to keep that from happening.
Shampoo had arrived and followed Ranma all around the yard, trying to get him to eat the 'special lunch' she'd prepared for him. Akane had watched Ranma's ineffectual attempts to rid himself of her, and finally took matters into her own hands. She splashed the girl with water, and punted the cat over the wall before Ranma could react to the change.
"How come YOU couldn't handle her? Why did I have to get rid of her?"
"DAMN IT, Akane! What did you want me to do?"
"Just tell her to get lost? How hard can that be?
Ranma was trying to answer that question when Ryoga came flying over the wall. "Ranma! How DARE you flirt with Shampoo when you're supposed to be taking Akane out!"
"Hey! SHE was flirting with ME! And what makes it YOUR business?"
"Never mind that! DIE!"
"I don't believe this," sighed Akane. "Do they ever do ANYTHING but fight?"
Then the unexpected happened. Some sort of vehicle fell out of the sky and landed in the pond. Water flew everywhere. Akane's new dress was soaked, and Ranma turned female. Akane looked down at herself in dismay, and back at Ranma, who shrugged helplessly. Then her attention was drawn to something else. Ryoga's sopping wet clothes were lying on the grass, and he was nowhere to be seen. Then a lump under the clothes moved, and a small black pig crawled out.
"R-r-r-ryoga? P-p-p-chan?" For a brief moment, Akane swayed. She was going to faint. Then anger took over. "I'm going to KILL you, you pervert!" She uprooted the stone lantern and was running toward the cowering pig when a green-haired woman emerged from the vehicle in the pond and grabbed her.
"I'm sorry, but I can't allow that."
Ranma's jaw dropped. Akane's jaw dropped. Ryoga ran for his life.
"What did you say?"
"I said I can't allow that. Someone reported a disturbance about a lost pet, but it looks to me like you want to kill it. Would you mind explaining yourself?"
Akane's jaw moved, but nothing came out. Ranma took over. "There's no lost pet here, Miss. Are you sure you're in the right place?"
By this time Mihoshi had found her way out of the cruiser. Unfortunately, her way out caused her to land face-first in the pond. She got up, trudged out, and handed a soggy piece of paper to Ranma. "This is where we are, right?"
Ranma looked at the note. "Nope, that's across town." Ignoring Mihoshi's protests, he gave careful directions to Kiyone, who thanked her and began to drag her partner back to the cruiser. In the meantime, Akane had overcome her inability to speak.
"That, that pervert!" Then she burst into tears, and threw herself into her fiance's arms, despite the fact that he was female. "I'm sorry!"
Ranma gestured at Mihoshi, and Kiyone released her collar so that she could come closer. "Yes?" she asked nervously.
"Look, I gotta thank you. You guys just did me a BIG favor with that splash landing."
The confused officers got into their cruiser and look off, Kiyone at the controls.
*****
Azusa had gone from screaming to hitting. She began with the art book sitting on her coffee table, and soon escalated to the brass candlesticks from the mantelpiece. Her victim was showing remarkable restraint, evading her blows rather than striking back. Her partner had tried to intervene, but a few well-placed blows soon convinced him to stay on the sidelines.
"Young lady, my pet and I are leaving, and that is all there is to say about it!" Azusa calmly backed toward the door, being followed by the tiny, furious woman. Then the door flew open.
"Gal--police officers here! Mihoshi and Kiyone inserted themselves between the Emperor and Azusa, allowing him to leave the house. Unfortunately, Kiyone took her eyes off Azusa, and received a vicious kick in the knee. Azusa ran outside in time to see the ship rise into the air.
"Give me back my darling Philomena! Thief, thief!" Azusa sank to her knees, weeping.
"COME BACK HERE! You forgot to PAY me!" A cloud of dust followed Sanzenin, who was running down the street for all he was worth, shaking his fist.
"Kwee?" Azusa looked up, and a look of joy replaced her tears. Something was crawling out of the vehicle that the police officers had arrived in. Something that she hadn't seen in a long, long time.
"CHARLOTTE!"
Ryoga groaned. Perhaps he should have allowed Akane to kill him.