There are amazing and yet tragic things that happen in our lives. It is in these moments that we learn and grow. When God enters your life, you
are not just learning and growing anymore, you have a meaning to life. He
gives us this meaning by changing our hearts, by taking away our sins, and by
having an encounter with Him.
After walking away from God for 8 or 9 years, I was finally confronted by
someone who didn?t try and change me, but just genuinely wanted to help. Aly
met me (on the internet) after I had broken up with my girlfriend Anna; needless
to say, I was not in the best mind set or living life to the fullest. We talked every
night for 6 months about anything and everything. We talked of my drinking
problem, we talked of Anna, and we talked of her problems as well. During that
whole time she would also talk to me of God, and I would tell her of the Goddess.
Things got really bad there for a couple of months; I had fallen back into cutting,
my drinking was uncontrollable, and my life was a downward spiral. One day I
found an old Jars of Clay CD, and, remembering how Aly would say that God l
oves you no matter what you have done, I decided to listen to it. What harm could
it do? I was still a child of the Goddess even if I listened to Christian rock. So there
I was, taking a shower, digging the beat, singing along, feeling okay. Then all of a
sudden Worlds Apart came on. The words struck me hard, and I wept. As I listened,
I sang the words of the song to God. That was my first step to change. Not that
everything happened rapidly, but it was a start.
Well after six months of talking online and on the phone I finally met Aly,
and it was awesome! She is a great lady with an awesome heart. She and a group
of friends are starting a Vineyard church in Minneapolis, Minnesota, which I think is
just totally AMAZING! Well, when she was planning her visit out here, she went to
the Vineyard website to find out where we could go to church. That is where she
found Mercy Church, and where we both decided to go (I was really reluctant
about going). And along came Sunday; it was about 6:30 pm and we were hanging
out at my friend Todd's place. Church is at seven and Aly looks at me and says, "So
are we going." Todd looked at me, "Going where?" "To church," I said looking
down at the game we were playing. Todd was laughing so hard and said, "you better
be careful, the whole place might burst into flames when you enter." We had no idea
where the church actually was, so we looked it up in the phone book. I tried to find
every reason not to go, or that would delay us from going. It so didn't work.
We arrived a few minutes early and took a seat in the back. The evening started with
worship. For those who don't know, worship is singing praises to God--it's a very
awesome thing to experience. For some reason, as they were all singing my chest
started to hurt, it felt heavy. I looked down to see my Green Man pendant; it was so
heavy on my chest. I took it off and laid it down on the pew behind me, and felt relief.
They read some scriptures and talked about a group that was sent out to Zambia.
Then again there was worship, and all I could do was cry. My arms were shaking and I
felt this overpowering presence saying that all would be okay, that it was safe.
I've been attending Mercy Church now since July 18, 2004. I've had many
experiences with God since then, and I have met some truly awesome and amazing
people. God has blessed my life in so many ways and changed and created in me a
new heart. My heart doesn't tune out His words anymore. I am able to care now so
deeply and show great amounts of compassion because the Lord Jesus allows it so. I
t is like He took my heart in his hand and breathed life into it. My heart still has walls
around it, but God and I are in constant work to break them down. God has given me
the ability, the purpose in life to be compassionate, to be able to reach out to others.
It was something I had before, but without Him working in me it was only some dull
presence in me. Now it is a wild fire that burns with His love and mercy.
One of the first things that truly has to happen in your life is you have to repent your sins
to God, for it is by the death of Jesus Christ that we are saved. When we are constantly
living in sin and dwelling on our wrongdoings we are unable to see God, we are unable to
do His will. We are too tied to things that He has already forgiven. When we realize this
and truly put our faith in Him and the Victory He has given us then we are able to live our
life to His purpose.
When I felt the presence of God telling me that all would be okay and that I was safe,
that was an encounter with Him. It was a time that I felt His presence and His love.
God shows Himself to us so that we may know Him, and know the calling He has for us.
Encounters with God are amazing and life-changing experiences, whether the change
is some amazing 180-degree change or just a 60-degree change. It's a change that
God wishes us to have so then we can carry out His word.
These are the things I have learned, and experienced in the Love of God.
This is my testimony of His Grace, Mercy, and awesome and overpowering Love.
With Him there is everything, without Him there is nothing. He has given me a new
heart, He has forgiven me, He has given me encounters with Him, but through all
those things He has given me a meaning to my life.
November 25, 2004
Encounter Weekend
Encounter weekend was November 19th - 21st, and let me tell you it was an
experience that is beyond words. An Encounter weekend is a 3-day retreat
where there is worship, healing, deliverance, and forgiveness of sins. Most
importantly, there are encounters with God.
God comes to all and speaks to them in the language of the heart. He is gentle,
He is firm, and most of all He Loves. On the first day we went over God's
never-ending Love for us, and how there is never anything we could do that
God would not forgive us of if we are truly repentant of heart. As we were
worshiping and praying I heard God say, Danielle I brought you a friendship, and it
will be a great one and it will show me Glory and Honor. It is blessed by me, for I
brought it into being. What you have done has brought a curse upon it. You
have let my enemy come into it and pervert it; this is not what I want. Love her,
love her greatly, but love her as you would your most honored of friends and
companions, not as a lover. I brought all that had been done, all the desire, and all
the lust and laid it down at Jesus's feet. With tears, my heart became free to love
her as we should be. Not that the enemy will not try to bring the issue up again, but
we are both now armed with the Holy Spirit and Authority of God. Our friendship will
be in Glory of God because Jesus has broken the curse that was upon it!
There is so much that happened, and I am going to try and just lay it all out there for
you. On the morning of the 20th we watched The Passion of Christ. Before we sat
down to watch it they gave each one of us a nail, with the tip painted red. I had never
seen the movie, and when it was coming out to theaters it was a movie that I mocked.
I couldn't understand why people could be so moved by a movie. It seemed to me
funny that people were putting their Faith, or so it seemed, into it.
Watching the movie I understood that people were not putting their Faith into the movie
but into what Jesus Christ our Savior had truly done for us--the pain, the beatings that he
suffered for us, so that we might have life. His Blood Heals; his Resurrection gives us Life.
I cried from beginning to end as the TRUTH sunk in. My heart called out to the Lord,
"Father let me suffer this so that I may know, let his wounds be mine for I deserve it."
There is a part where Jesus has fallen and his Mother Mary comes to him, and he looks at
her and all he says is "Look Mother, I make all things New." As I watched the beatings,
the whipping, the mocking of The Lord my God I just wanted to help him. My heart hurt with his
suffering, yet there was apart of me that felt so honored and Loved for what he had done.
He HAS made all things New!
At the end of the movie we prayed. I placed all my sins, all my hurts, all my struggles on
that Nail, for my Lord and Savior already had. I gave thanks, I gave my heart and soul over
to God, for I am his Daughter. They had us all nail our nails into the cross. It felt so good to
do so, so good. I went to the back of the building afterwards and just prayed, and God
touched me. There are no words to describe how that feels. As I was praying Harmony,
the guide of my small group, started to pray over me, and I felt myself open up more to God.
That is when He talked to me, that is when He healed me, and that is when He made me
new. I had harbored so much hate for God when my Father died. I blamed Him, and I turned
from faith. I really thought I had dealt with all those feelings, but apparently God did not think
so. I never left you, you are my daughter, the Father you look for is in me. I will never
leave you, I didn't take your father away from you. I took him home. For so long I have
wanted a Father, and thought with mine dead that part of my life was over. It is not so. ^_^
God is Good! At the same time, God was breaking down the barriers I placed around my
heart and letting me know that the things I did in the past did not define me. They are just
parts of my past--I am not Drunk Dani, I am not Stupid, I am not a Failure. Most of all, I am
not the Fool/KaMai. I am God's Daughter Danielle.
We went over a few more things that day, but I will be honest and say my heart wasn't in
it--I was tired, my head hurt, and I didn't think God could do anything else for me that day.
One of the ladies talked to us about sexual impurities and soul ties. I knew nothing of
soul ties, but I sure do now. A soul tie happens when you have sex with someone. I
have had sex with a few people. The one that I was really attached to was Anna. I had
given my life to her for 3 years and made a commitment to her that part of me still felt
responsible for. Later, when we were in our small groups, Harmony asked if anyone
wanted prayer for something. I really, REALLY did not want to have to deal with Anna.
So, I waited and waited and then Harmony asked me if there was anything I would like
prayer for. I said, "Well, yes and no. I do but I don't think I am ready to deal with it. I was
in this relationship for 3 years and yeah... I just blame myself for so much of it, and its hard
for me to let the commitment go, cause when I made the commitment I made it with my
heart..." I kinda rambled. At that moment Leanne said it was time for dinner. (SAVED BY
THE BELL!) I was so happy! Believe me, though, that was the first night I REALLY
wanted a beer. But I didn?t have one. Tee-Hee. The gals were nice to me, though, and
didn't really bring it up during dinner.
When we got back from dinner there was another workshop and then prayer afterwards.
I tried so hard to open my heart to God, but I just didn?t feel it. Harmony came over to
me and said, "So you ready to break the tie?" I didn't know how to; I didn't know what to
do. So she started to pray over me, and I just felt God open me up and the words came.
"I am not yours anymore, I deny everything we did and the connection I have to you, in
Jesus's name I am free." After that we got to burn up some of our sins in a small fire pit
in the parking lot, which ROCKED! Here is a funny thing: everyone there always tries to
get me to go towards the front and to, I don't know, interact more with everyone. I mean,
I am always in the back, and I always find the spot that most people are not at. I don't
know why, but it is what I do. Any who, we were having ourselves a mighty good Worship
and, of course, I was in the back just rocking out. Then a gent came up to me and said, "
You know there is room in the front." I made the comment about being too short and therefore
unable to read the words on the screen. Yeah, he didn't buy it. So, I ended up being
ushered up all the way to the front; and I must say I am glad he told me to go, cause it
felt awesome! That ends my second day of Encounter Weekend.
This whole weekend I was constantly fighting God. There were just things I did not want
to do. One of them was to be baptized. Part of me didn't want to because I had already
been baptized as a kid, and I just didn't feel I needed it. So as we were being baptized in
the Holy Spirit my heart was blocked from that. I was trying so hard to have the Holy Spirit
come to me and allow me to speak in tongues that I wasn't opening myself up. Hannah
came up to me and started to pray over me. I let go of the fear I was holding, the fear that
the Holy Spirit wouldn't come. The Holy Spirit did come, though, I was just too caught up
in what I thought was supposed to happen. When I finally let go, a scripture came into
mind.
"For anyone who speaks in tongue does not speak to men but to God. Indeed,
no one understands him; he utters mysteries with his spirit. But everyone who
prophesies speaks to men for their strengthening, encouragement and comfort.
He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself, but he who prophesies edifies the
church. I would like every one of you to speak in tongues, but I would rather you
prophesy. Hew who prophesies is greater than the one who speaks in tongues,
unless he interprets, so that the church may be edified."
1 Corinthians 14:2-5
Just because I was not speaking in tongues didn't mean that I was not
receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit. Not that I won't ever speak in tongues, it is just
that God has called me to do other things. After this revelation Steve prayed over me.
What he said was really awesome--he breathed the Holy Spirit onto me. That is
when the thought of being baptized with water came to mind. I still did not want to
be baptized, though, so I went outside and sat under this really awesome oak tree
and just prayed. That is when Amy came up to me and asked me if I was okay. I
told her about the whole baptism thing and how I was struggling with it. She told me
of her experience and how she had no idea that she was going to be baptized but
God called her to do it then and there. So, of course she did and stuff. I still, even
after talking to her, didn't want to be baptized.
We went to church that morning and had some great worship! I mean it was awesome.
For the first time I was really praising God with all my heart and soul. And I prayed out
loud, which for me was an huge step; its not something I am comfortable with. Anyway,
that isn't the awesome thing at all though. See, at the end of the service, Terry (
the senior pastor) said if anyone wanted prayer to just come up front. So I went,
cause I still was hoping that the Holy Spirit would allow me to speak in tongues. As
Leanne was praying over me, God whispered to me that I needed to be Baptized, that
is what he wanted. I made up my mind that if it was God's will then I would do it. So I
left the front of the church, and Amy stopped me: "God, wants me to tell you that your
name Danielle is awesome. The "le" at then end of your name stands for Woman.
God made you a woman, take pride in that." I, of course, told her thank you and that I
was going to get baptized today! So I got a really awesome hug. ^_^ YAY! So I went
to the back of the church and Valerie came up to me and asked me if I was going to
be baptized. Even after all this I still was trying to get out of it. I told her I didn't have
any clothing, and she told me she thought her husband had some extra clothing I could
wear.
So yeah, I was baptized on the morning of November 21st 2004. They have you tell
why you are being baptized. As I stood up before my Family--for that is what they
are--I told them, "I am Danielle, I come here to be baptized cause I have freedom in
my life now. By the Blood of Christ I have Freedom, by the Cross I have freedom." It was
pretty awesome and amazing.
The day was pretty awesome and amazing after that, and I just felt completely and totally
in touch with God. Afterwards there was another workshop and then closing prayer. That
is when I really found out that God had called me to prophesy. Which is awesome yet
kinda scary you know; But God will give me strength when I feel weak, He will give me the
words to uses when I am to talk. With Him all things are possible, and He Guides my life.
So ended my Encounter Weekend. Not that I will stop having encounters with God, for
He is always with me.
I leave you now with this...
"This is how we know what love is. Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And
we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone had material possessions
and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in
him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
This then is how we know that we belong to the Truth, and how we set our hearts at
rest in his presence."
1 John 3:16-19
I would like to give thanks to Alysia, Valerie, and the wonderful people at Mercy
Church who I can now call my Family I also give special thanks to My Sister Desiree
and Brother in Law, for without their love and compassion in my life I would have
been lost. Desi, I love you greatly and say thank you for everything you have ever
done for me. You don't even know how much you mean to me. Love ya Sis. I say t
hankeee Big Big! God Bless Each and Every one Of You!
P.S. Special Thanks to Alysia for being brave enough to Edit this. ^_^
Eddie says "God Bless you!!! May he always give you Ale when you wish it!"
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