Gusto
What the fuck have I done.
Thoughts gone wrong, who knew I was wrong.
Buried it under false beliefs.
Now I'm alone, to sit and rot and weep and fuck.
No love left in my life, I am only flesh.
Future relationships based on sex.
There is nothing else.
I do not deserve it, I have fucked it up.
God damn stupid twisted ways.
Anger me, so that I can do your dirty work.
Confuse me by pushing me away and pulling me back.
I cannot take it.
I knew it was coming, but you didn't have to rip my blinders off.
I was happy in my world of ignorance, and false hopes.
It is not your fault, nor my fault, nor their fault.
That is what hurts the most.
Blame it on some vengeful god.
I would, but there is none.
Doomed to destiny.
Drug myself to happiness.
There is no need to falsify these words.
Raw.
Hurt.
Sad.
Insane.
Distressed, depressed, repressed and obsessed.
I cannot walk away an unharmed man,
You tried too hard not to hurt me.
I cannot blame myself for what I do next.
I cannot accept responsibilty.
Because it seems that the only right thing to do,
Is make a bad situation worse.
After all,
If I don't do it myself,
I can rest assured,
That someone is willing and able to do it for me.
Feet are dragging
Head is sinking
Eyes are closing
Can't help thinking
Are they lies
Can I trust
Is it true love
Or only lust
Crowd my mind
With her sex
She broke their hearts
So am I next
Two Addictions
Now I'm stuck
I've got no will power
I rely on luck
Insecure
And in control
My enjoyments
Take their toll
My whole existence
Has been uncontrolled
We only get one life
And I'll live mine bold
I feel better today, still recluse though, I think I like it better
that way. Maybe I'll wallow around inside myself for a while, and write
some poetry, while still allowing the outside world to continue with
it's pseudo-forward momentum, and it's all-important happenings. It's
comfortable in here. Time has no measure, and words have lost their
meaning, they have taken a walk, much like my sanity it seems. My
insides have started to mend, I can feel the dullness from my freshly
dispensed pain, and the chill of my once brewing tears, their moisture
hangs on the walls of my heart like dew. Making it seem evermore like a
morning in early autumn, with grey clouds and nipping air, dew on the
ground and silence surrounds those who choose to venture outside. I
chose, not by choice , but by chance, and the cruel mistress that seals
my fate lay beautifully in her bed, our bed, asleep and dreaming of us.
I wish I could do the same without thinking about all that is wrong. But
the mind ventures down it's own path, especially when the host has lost
control, and control is an aspect of life I have not experienced forsome time.
I saw it
I thought it
Would like me
I got it
It hurt me
Stepped on me
It slapped me
I can't see
I know it
Will not lie
Was not with
Another guy
But I thought
It was good
Would hate her
If I could
But she's been here way too long.
And my feelings are too strong.
And I guess it's just my luck.
But I don't really give a fuck.
So I sit
And work slow
Can not wait
'til I go
Outside
to the bar
I'll get drunk
won't go far
I'll pass out
then wake up
in prison
that's my luck
And I've been here for too long.
And my will is not too strong.
And I'm feeling all fucked up.
And they said "this is growing up!".