1. Shut up, you're dumb and stupid. (Remy)
2. We are NOT naming it Squirrel Haven! (Seamus, re: our medieval history club)
3. Hitting on is flirting with intent. (Seamus)
4. Hey look! A talking dog, which is really hard for two horses to do! (Remy)
5. Gravity doesn't exist. The world just sucks. (Jamie Lane)
6. Chairs don't fly. Accept it. (John)
7. The Force is like duct tape. It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the Universe together.
8. Blue: the forgotten food group. (Sarah)
9. A balanced meal is one that doesn't fall off your tray. (Sarah)
10. I smell like squirrel shit! Fear me! (Sarah, quoting the dog next door)
11. If you love it, set it free. If it comes back, set it on fire. (Katie)
12. I need a man who knows how to operate a bed. (Katie)
13. I like mashed potatoes. I like mashed potatoes a lot. (Kelly)
14. Pummel them into the ground... And then ask the Universe to turn all the negative energy to love. (Linda Sanchez, Reiki Master)
15. Go f#ck a kite. (Ray)
16. If you think this is funny looking, you should see the thing it goes on. (Mom, explaining condoms)
17. I poop too much. (Josh)
18. This is Sarah's telepathic answering service. Please think really hard about your message.
19. Sex is good for you. You should do it every day! (Jamie)
20. Dennys: Home away from home... away from home.
21. I have to admit--I make a damn fine looking woman. (Remy, cross dressing for the Siena Winter Semi-formal)
22. Smoke what?! (John)
23. My office mate is such a butt-gasket. (Dad, making a funny)
24. Ellelator go in circles... (Kevin Rockwood)
25. PMS: perturbed mongoose on speed. (Remy)
26. Heh heh heh. No need. Got phone number. (Master Sato)
27. Sensei is on HAPPY CRACK! (Siena College Kensho Do Karate)
28. The printer is oh so very boned. (Seamus)
29. Oh sob. (John, who spends too much time MUDing)
30. Boobies! (Alex Carlock, gay man with a breast fetish)
31. Sarah? If you had a step brother and he had a son with your mother, what would you call him? (Jamie, at 4am)
Jamie... go to sleep. You'd call him "we don't talk about that."
32. You do not exist in my universe. (John)
33. Stuff it, that we may get this stuff done. (Call to order, Siena College Medieval Society of Hawks' Aerie)
34. Sweet, innocent, and naive. (Remy)
35. Not sweet... but tasty! (Dennis)
36. Always remember that there ARE good Christians in the world, and sometimes it has to do with their religion. (Seamus)
37. If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out. (Sarah)
38. Under the clothes, we're all naked. (Sarah)
39. Friends help friends move. Real friends help friends move bodies. (Katie)
40. Is Rene the Second Coming or just a really nice guy? (Remy)
41. Chaos is bad for printers. (Sarah)
42. The network is on some bad crack. (Seamus)
43. What is this? Sober and orderly? (Sarah, to John, Al, and Remy, who stayed up all night one rowdy weekend REPAIRING broken furniture in the dorms.)
44. No sh!t! There I was... (typical opening to an SCA story, often the past tense of "Oh f#ck! Here they come!)
45. Yoink! (Andrea, about to snag something)
46. Duct tape is period. (Really. Ancient Celts wove seal sinew tape and used horse hoof glue on one side.)
47. That's fascinating, Seamus. Shut up. (Sarah, or pretty much anyone)
48. The rat bastards... (Seamus)
49. La. (Seamus)
50. Jesus saves. Why don't you? (Sarah)
51. Please do not neuter the mice. (Amirah)
52. Oh my God... Al what is that on your back? Hey everyone! He's growing a SPINE!!! (Remy)
53. Bad Jedi! No doughnut! (Katie)
54. Uh oh. Sorry. (Galdabrak, 8 foot tall lizard man with quantum armor and a serious problem with coordination)
55. I liked him better when he was getting some. (Linda Lugo)
56. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (most often heard after "So there was this kid. And he LOVED clowns..." or "So there were these two horses...")
57. You ohdeh Chinee foo? You owe fihteen dollah nekh time! (the ever popular Prank)
58. Brianna... what sex mean? (Galdabrak)
59. That's awesome! We ARE the land of the misfit toys!!! (Remy, responding to someone's attempt at insulting Table #9)
60. You know, sometimes you people scare me. But only sometimes. (Kelly)
61. These are my breasts. My name is optional. (Irene)
62. Pass the soakey thing please quick! (Sarah, who loses the power of speech under pressure.)
63. Pass the pinkles. (Grandpa, asking for sausages. Apparently aphasia runs in the family... he was on percodan or something.)
64. Brother Michael... is necking allowed before marriage? How about heavy petting?
65. I want a cookie. Actually I want a man, but I'll settle for a cookie. (Katie)
66. Mike, should we let you have a private moment with your chai? (Sarah)
67. Dead cow! munch munch munch... (Jamie)
68. I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm vegetarian because I hate plants! (Sarah)
69. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought myself a lacy pink Freudian slip. (Remy)
70. God is a woman. The Old Testament is just PMS. (Sarah)
71. God is a man. No woman would have made adolescence and menopause occur at the same time in the same household. (Sarah)
72. Don't f#ck with the registry. (Katie's good advice about Winblows)
73. Macintosh: Most Apps Crash. If Not, The Operating System Hangs. (Seamus) Actually, that sounds like Winblows...
74. Lollypop? (nuff said)
75. Al is an ass barnacle. (Jamie and Sarah)
76. I have a need. (Master Sato)
77. Well shave me bald and call me Ghandi! (Brenda)
78. We are Microsoft. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
79. When I run for president, if I run for president, I'm going to run on a masturbation platform. (Remy)
80. I'm going to spank you like a bad monkey. (Andrea)
90. Gravity check! UH! Still works. (John)
91. Hand check!
92. So now you see why I don't need drugs. (Dennis)
93. Why don't I get girlfriends? Well, maybe if I left my house... (Rich Hansen)
94. ...I'll go study. (Rich D'Ambrosio, walking in on something.)
95. I like Peter. I knew him for an hour and I was giving him head... massages. (Amanda)
96. Yes dear. What kind of spine would you like me to grow?
97. Yes but there was the mistake holding up a big neon flashing sign saying "Hi! I'm your mistake!" and I ran right up to it and shook its hand. (Sarah)
98. They are no longer curiously strong mints. They are now only mildly interestingly strong mints. (Sarah)
99. Life is like a box of chocolates. The ones with the cherries are best. (Amanda)
100. He wants your phone number. Most of the people at the table will tell you that means he wants to jump your bones. Maybe some of the more intelligent ones will say it means you should treat it as if he wants to be your friend. I think it means he lost it the first time you gave it to him. (Katie)
101. I had an epoopany! (Remy, who does most of his thinking on the toilet.)
102. Hey great! So maybe we can study digital logic together sometime! (Dennis)
103. I like prime numbers. Especially 2. Because 2 is the only even prime number. (Sarah)
104. OH MY GOD MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!!! (Remy, discovering that lighter fluid and superglue are not a good combination.)
105. This is Fluffly, my pet bonsai. It wants to meet your bush. (Remy)
106. Rich? Oh he's over on your wing with that girl. He's been working on her SCSI interface. (Remy)
107. I'd go gay for Harrison Ford. (John)
108. I miss Alex. I miss him freezing spit on his ice cream spoon. I miss what he did with the baby corn. And I still haven't learned how to deep throat a banana. (Jamie)
109. Collegium Cupola Aureolae? We are not calling it the Medieval College of the Nipple Cup either! (Sarah, deliberately mistranslating the Latin...)
110. Does that man know he's gay? (Alex from SUNY Purchase)
111. Ack! Sebastian doesn't know what he's talking about! I don't have to go to the bathroom! (Sarah, already in the stall at the rest stop)
112. That's quality with a capital K-Mart Q. (Sebastian)
113. I'm bored. Who wants to go to Price Chopper? (John at 3am)
114. Don't worry. I think they're just afraid we'll breed.
115. Pet the plaid... Cthulhu thanks you for your soul! (Pennsic antics)
116. Assbunny! (Andrea's new name for Remy)
117. ...I'll go study. (Rich, walking in on something. Again.)
118. I wasn't drunk. It's not drunk when it's Passover. (Sarah)
119. Sarah... what would you have thought if I'd taken Remy seriously when he invited me to bed with you two? (Jamie)
120. Ba-aa-a-aah Thbbbttt! (Remy, the Ass Goat)
121. Some professors just need you to drop your thesis on them like a ton of bricks in the introduction and then beat them over the head with it for the next 15 or 20 pages. See here? Me? I'm your thesis, big neon sign. WHAP! And a few paragraphs later... WHAP! I'm the thesis, here I am again. And again, another couple paragraphs along... WHAP! Remember me? I'm your thesis! (Sarah)
122. Remy: I have long hair... does that mean I'm not a lesbian anymore?
Sarah: No, you don't shave your pits, so you're still a lesbian.
123. Must not sleep, the clowns will eat me. (John, Al, Rich, and Kevin)
124. Catholic means universal, so that means everything is God. Or everything contains God. Or is that Hindu? (Seamus)
125. Sarah: I drank 2 Mountain Dews yesterday but they were bland and they put me to sleep.
Remy: Congratulations. You're a Boy Scout.
126. Nerds are just pathetic. Geeks have lives, just not life as we know it. (Sarah)
127. Hey look! My new color scheme looks like vomit! (Remy)
128. Air goes in and out. Blood goes round and round. Food goes from point A to point B. Any variations on this theme are discouraged and/or may require a mop. (Hawk)
129. I try to eat Kosher but I'm sure God understands when I eat clams because He's the one who made clams so tasty, and He understands that I am a weak-willed mortal. (Sarah)
130. Sarah: No, I REALLY need to go to the store. Feminine supplies.
Dennis: Lipstick?
Sarah: Pads. Sanitary napkins. Menstrual hygiene products. Are you sure you're 25?
131. Explaining that would be like killing it, burying it 20 feet under, and then building a library over it. (Mike)
132. We're having a circus and we want Rich to be our dancing midget. Well, can Remy be our dancing midget? Get the camera! (Remy's neighbors)
133. Drunken Pranker: (heavy breathing)
Remy: Hi, is Bill there?
Drunken Pranker: Uhh... yeah. Lemme get him.
134. Two kids, tubes tied, that's it. (Kelly)
135. I'm the kind of person I'd want to kick. (Sarah)
136. Sarah: I have senioritis.
Dr. Allen: You're a junior.
Sarah: I'm precocious.
137. There are two kinds of people: the quick and the dead. I want to be one of the quick ones. (Dennis, speeding up and passing someone)
138. And then I wanted to be single, so I decided to amuse mysself by chasing you because I knew I wouldn't catch you anyway. DAMMIT!!! (Sarah)
139. Sarah: That's not true. I did see something in Remy.
Andrea: And then she turned out the light real fast!
140. Wouldn't it be funny if... (Remy, and no, it never was funny at all.)
141. Y'know... being drug free is cool once you get used to it. (Dennis)
142. Dennis gets himself in and out of trouble so fast I get whiplash. (Sarah)
143. Peace out man! You know God's really a hippie at heart. They just prettied it up for Isaiah... "Good tidings and great joy and on earth peace, good will towards men." (Sarah)
144. Catholic: just this side of Pagan. Franciscan: just this side of hippie communist Pagan. Lutheran: Catholics who are afraid to admit it. Episcopalian: Catholic Lite--all the fun, without the guilt. (Seamus)
145. No one should be held accountable for the first semester of their freshman year. (Sarah)
146. I'd say that she suffered from a serious lack of personality except that would be too cruel. True, but cruel. (Sarah)
147. Too few people have experienced the Eargasm. You know when you put the Q-Tip in and swish it around and it gets to that place where you feel something happening and it feels REALLY good? (Linda)
148. You know... the scary thing is we're completely sober.
149. Easy but not cheap. (Linda)
150. Psssst! I'm not wearing any underwear. (Remy)
151. Oh. I'm just here to laugh at you. (Dennis)
152. I don't know whether it's good rap or a disgrace to Pachebel's Canon. (Remy)
153. You're not even reliably late anymore! (Sarah)
154.
To be continued...
Sarah Morehouse
April 14, 2000