Be it understood that I, Sarah Morehouse, can not carry a tune in a bucket. Which qualifies me perfectly to sing these songs, which above all, must not be taken seriously. I am an excellent beer bard--people will buy whatever swill to dull the pain... and they will sing along very enthusiastically to drown me out!
This is the first song I learned in the SCA. It is best to see it performed by my friend Seamus Conal (who is banned from singing it in the Baron's presence without express permission because the Baron has thrown his back out on previous occasions from laughing at the sight of a compact, yet burly Celto-Viking complete with warrior's braids singing the following...)
The full moon is rising, I feel it tonight
My hair is all messed up, my nails are a fright
My clothes are all now thirty sizes too tight
Oh pity the poor, naked werewolf!
CHORUS
Run! Growl! Howl at the full moon!
I can't get it right.
Soon the moon will be rising...
Oh pity the life of a werewolf.
My allergy tablets are making me dry
But it's better than sneezing when I'm on the sly
My fur stuffs my nose up and waters my eyes
Oh pity the poor, sniffly werewolf!
CHORUS
My friends are all laughing, they think it's a lark
To run with a werewolf who's scared of the dark
But this little wolfie got mugged in the park
Oh pity the poor, battered werewolf!
CHORUS
Werewolves are s'posed to be f'rocious and mean
Do things to their victims which seem... quite obscene
But this little wolfie thinks veggies are keen
Oh pity the poor, vegan werewolf!
FINAL CHORUS
Howl, growl, run at the moon! Still don't got it right
...but I guess I'll still try
Because I feel that moon rising
I guess I'll go try be a werewolf.
curtsey That's it.
I believe this is a traditional song, although the last verse may be a recent addition.
Some friends and I in a public house
Was playin' Dominoes one night
When into the room a fireman came,
his face all chalky-white.
"What's up?" says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost?
Have you seen your Aunt Mariah?"
"Oh me Aunt Mariah be buggered," says he,
"The bleedin' pub's on fire!"
"Oh," says Brown, "What a bit o' luck,
everybody follow me.
It's down to the cellar, if the fire's not there,
We'll have a grand old spree."
So we all went down with good old Brown
And the booze we could not miss
We hadn't been there ten minutes or more
'Til we were quite like this ----
CHORUS
Aaaaaaaaaaand...
There was Brown, upside down,
Lapping up the whiskey from the floor
"Booze, booze!", the fireman cried
As they come knockin' at the door. (thump thump)
"But we won't let 'em in 'til it's all drunk up."
Somebody shouted "MacIntyre!" (MacIntyre!)
The night we all got blue-blind, paralytic drunk,
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Then Smith run over to the portwine tub
And gave it a few hard knocks (Thump thump)
Started takin' off his pantaloons, likewise his shoes and socks.
"Hold on," says Brown, "That ain't allowed.
You can't do that there here.
Don't go washin' your trotters in the portwine tub
When we got some old stale beer!
CHORUS
And then there came a mighty crash,
Half the bloody roof caved in.
We was all but drowned in the firemen's hose,
Til we were almost... sober... (UGH!)
So we got some tacks and old wet sacks
And we tacked ourselves inside.
And we sat there getting bleary-eyed drunk
The night the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
CHORUS
There was still whiskey left on the barroom floor
When the fire died down that night
Out crept a wee brown mouse from his hole
And he stood in the pale moonlight
He lapped up the frothy brew from the floor
And back on his haunches he sat
And all that night you could hear him roar
(squeaky)"BRING ON THE GOD DAMNED CAT!"
FINAL CHORUS
All because of Brown, upside down
Left a little whiskey on the floor
Booze, booze, the firemen cried
As they came knocking at the door (thump thump!)
But we didn't let 'em in 'til it was all drunk up
Some nights you can still hear (whispered) MacIntyre
The night we all got shit-faced falling-down drunk
The night the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Now this song has literally hundreds of verses... so I'm only going to include my favorites. Make up your own if you're not satisfied. I'm told the tune is the same as that of "The Volga Boatmen".
(CHORUS)
Happy Birthday! (UGH) Happy Birthday! (UGH)
Gloom, destruction and despair
People dying everywhere!
Now you are the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
Fear and gloom and darkness but
No one found out YOU KNOW WHAT
May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, SAVE THE SHEEP!
Now your jail-bait days are done
Let's go out and have some fun!
May your deeds with sword and axe
Outlive those with sheep and yaks!
You must marry very soon
Baby's due the next full moon
Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
They stole your gold, your sword, your house
They stole your sheep, but not your spouse
Tho' you're turning 29
Age to you is like fine wine
Now you've lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer
So another year has passed
Don't look now they're gaining fast!
So you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near.
Long ago your hair turned grey
Now it's falling out, they say
It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud!
See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace
So far death you have bypassed
Don't look back it's gaining fast
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies that you 'et
I'm a leper, can't you see
Get your birthday kiss from me.
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add -romance- to life tonight.
Pay attention, you must learn
First you pillage, THEN you burn.
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near.
May the children in the street
Be your barbecuing meat.
We, your friends will never tell
That your body's gone to hell.
At your age most folks go blind
You've kept your sight, but lost your mind.
While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you
We love children, yes we do
Boiled or baked or in a stew.
When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go.