?Altar?

Millions of thoughts running through my mind
Wondering about the peace I never seem to find
Grasping at your robe and wincing back
Riding on the sidewalk and falling through the cracks
Am I unforgiveable?
Or am I deluded?
Weak and sinful?
Or getting stupid?

Millions of times I?ve done the same thing
Not deserving to be under your wing
Washed in the blood, you?ve taken my sin
Washed in the dirt cos I took it again
Am I unforgiveable?
Am I deaf and dumb?
Does my soul hear?
Has it gone numb?

Has a cold sickened spirit taken the place
Of  the forgiving warmth of your embrace?
Will the weights and stones hit me like a ton
Of bricks, this guilt for the things I?ve done

How can I fathom the grief you must feel
For me helping the one who comes to steal?
Helping him take my innocence
And feeling no remorse, no penitence
And you show me your hands, and the hole in your side
And the thorns you wore, to redeem your bride
At the foot of the cross, the stains of red
That fall like a veil unto my head
You say I?m forgiven, you say I?m your son
And the tears explode, and the colors run
And I look in the mirror and see my reflection
Without any thought of insurrection

Am I Unforgiveable?
Am I going to die?
Do I choose to live the enemy?s lie?
Or do I get on my knees, and let myself cry
The tears upon the altar
An offering you take
In spite of all the vows I?ve broken
And all you know I?ll break
But the cloth has been torn open
And you tell me not to fear
How can I be unforgiven
With you holding me so near?