contents:

1. ceremony planning (for Glynne) *

2. making sacred ground (for Angela) *

3. my sister came with black champagne (for Sandy) *

4. evening came *

5. exit *

*new poems

if i should put my unhappy hand

on your weak wrist-

& fall apart like an autumnal leaf, will you

pick up these sacred stones, will you

break the circle & go back

to join the others?

here we are gathered safely

under these angry skies

w/ angry mobs going wild, miles away, all around us.

what's w/ this odd splendor w/ which you give me the evil stick?

do you think this chemical is that sacred?

this is what's sacred: my heart beats in my chest,

my lungs gasp, do you hear it? that's wind-

the earth; these stones, the water; these streams

we've gathered, the fire; do you remember handing it to me?

i've gone mad

i've made dream catchers

out of the things you gave me.

i arrived w/ my sister,

the always semi-angry woman

who liked to wrap fine chains

around her friends

i felt dropped. now what? i took stones,

incense, a compass, ointment.

he met me at the gates & we proceeded

to set up my tent.

i found you, & w/ your help

we made sacred ground, i blessed the water,

we made a circle inside which

things were eternal & safe.

i set up the inner circle

& you went to find the evil sticks

once the inner circle was

aligned, nothing & no-one left nor entered

but that which you brought me.

you gave him the evil stick, he gave it to me

across the circle.

i moaned, burned incense, chanted drifting

& made the sky into an intense

& palatable shield.

from that very moment, do you know

that things were set, that there was no turning back?

my sister came

with black champagne;

my sister left,

i sat there deaf.

my sister poured

some ancient oil.

i chose to drink:

my stomach boiled.

in ancient eyes

i saw the world

since time began:

my blood has curdled.

i hated this

until it came.

i felt it sleep.

i went insane.

i went to sleep

on ancient grass:

i asked some questions

left unasked.

my sister came

with yellow tears.

i lifted the bottle

w/ angry cheers.

my friends have come

to welcome me.

i felt the sand

below my knees.

my sister left

in early dawn.

my ears are deaf

now that she's gone.

evening came & i danced with angels:

night came & i danced asleep.

evening came, i sighed beneath

my angry breath, 'i feel cheap.'

does it really matter for what i wish?

i asked the chorus of the ground.

i felt a swelling of the earth,

i heard not a single sound.

evening came & i made a circle:

night came & i fixed the sky.

evening came & i left the circle:

night came down around my eyes.

do i have any hope for change?

i asked the prisoners of the sky.

i felt a swelling of the air,

i heard no explanation why.

evening came, i made a dagger:

night came & i drove it in.

morning came, & no more stagger:

i wiped the spirit off my chin.

the sign is gone. you never read it,

but you know it's no longer there: you never saw it,

but you know it's gone.

my skin is strangely

unencumbered: my hands & face are naked now.

my arms reach out impatiently:

feed me; a child, i hope, i wish you could

forget that i ever

walked here.

the sign is gone from this lantern:

no one here to light the way.

do you know where to drive me?

do you know where i live?

my home is gone, how strange,

i am alone, deranged, i hop aboard

the same bus you are on.

where are we going?