MISTIERS: Shay Caron

TITLE: "Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman

CHARACTERS: Mike & the bots, Pearl & the gang

SUMMARY:
Have you ever read Dave Barry's column about what happens when you put
a strawberry Pop-Tart in a toaster and hold down the handle? Good.
Imagine another Pop-Tart filled with a delicious *manure* filling. Same
toaster, hold the handle down. Got that image in your mind? That's Blood and
Metal.

This dreck is written and frequented by David "Davey 'Crockett'
Kintobor" Gonterman. Yes, if you sketched it all out, that's what it'd look
like. It goes downhill from there. It involves a human who, by the end of the
story, gets a robotic arm, turns into a fox, shouts "TO A FREE
MOBIUS", throws up repeatedly, gets a hedgehog girlfriend (yeah, right) named
Sonia (or Suni--the story's not too clear) who wants to "dive into his chest
fur", learns that Robotnik is his father, tells someone to blast him
with a rifle (No, not because Sonia/Suni is his girlfriend. At least I
don't think so.), and gets a new father, Julian, who is Robotnik's old
personality saved as AI (yeah, *right*). Also, he sings more songs
than can be found in 3 "Altered Destiny"s and a whole lotta tear-licking's
goin' on. And no, I am *not* making this up, no matter how much I wish
I were.

I did a count. "Sonic" came up 106 times; "Sally" was used 84 times;
"Sonia" and "Suni", Dave/Davey/David's perpetually nicknamed
girlfriend, both came up a total of 66 times, and I counted 404 uses of any form
of the name "Dave". It kinda puts the thing in perspective, eh?

The only positive thing I can think of is that he doesn't call himself
"Lord of PEZ".

CATAGORIES: [SONIC, SELF, PG13]

HOST SEGMENTS:
Introduction
    Mike & the bots are jotting down a list of words that are fun to say.
    Crow and Tom start B&Bing. "Heh-heh-heh, boobs." Mike quickly gets
    disgusted and leaves.

Segment One
    Down on Mobius, there's some sort of meeting. Pearl's not there; she's
    antisocial. Today's fanfic: "Blood and Metal". Whoopee.

Segment Two
    Everybody pigs out on ice cream. Mike predicts what's gonna happen in
    the fanfic later on.

Segment Three
    Mike tunes in on Mobius, where Pearl & the guys are talking to...
    Davey Crockett, star of the fanfic!! They begin a plan to take over the
    universe. Mike freaks out.

Segment Four
    M&TB check out some web comix. Tom discovers a web site made by
    "Michael K. Neylon", who turns out to be Mike.

Segment Five
    Mike begins work on a machine designed to stop Davey from taking over
    the universe as planned. He asks for help from the bots and hilarity
    ensues.

Segment Six
    Tom does some tests to find out if light really does make noise, Crow
    turns himself into a red fox, and Mike loses his aforementioned
    machine.

Segment Seven
    Tom and Crow are starting to crack. Crow has written a poem entitled
    "Davey-Kins: Story of a Freak". Everyone joins in!
    Later, Crow decides to make fun of Davey for being Robotnik's son.

Segment Eight
    Everyone's ecstatic because it's over, but Davey brings bad tidings:
    that wasn't the most recent version, so they have to watch more!!
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

Segment Nine
    The final showdown. Mike comes down to Mobius to defeat Davey-kins
    himself. Hilarity doesn't exactly ensue, but Mike has something fun to
    watch at the end.

Stinger
    A double one. Two items that made me nearly "add an offering to the
    porcelain shrine".

REFLECTIONS:
I am sooo glad to have this done!! This was the most horrendous story
I have ever had the displeasure of MSTing. On the plus side, though, I
did sorta have fun, and I think this is my best work ever. It just evens
out.

David Gonterman has become a popular MSTing target as of late. His
tendencies toward self-insertion, denial, re-use of plot points, and
contradiction of previous stories make him a "good" bad author. He
seems to take it well, even putting MSTings of his work up on his web page,
and for that, I commend him. Commend commend commend.

I was going to put in the Humor-Impaired Translating Metallic
Automated Nanometer, or "HITMAN", at the beginning of part 5, but it proved too
unwieldy to implement. Now you know what that machine might once have 
been.

Oog. I was finished with this MSTing and was having a few people
proofread it, but David told me that I had an older version of the story. Aargh.
I had good riffs in the parts that had been changed, so I didn't want to
remove it. What to do?! Eventually, I decided to put in the changed
parts at the end, as Segment Eight states. I guess it worked out OK.

And one final note: I have an uncle named Chuck. No, *really*.

CHRONOLOGICAL NOTES:
Season 8

RECOMMENDED READING:
Tricks of the Trade, Orcium, Seeing Stars, Sonic the Hedgehog: Merry
Christmas, Vixen in the Labyrinth, Holloween Spirits