MISTIERS: WereTorgo (B.G.)

TITLE: "Magic Holidays" by The Crystal Knight WITH SHORT: Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon: Crystal
	Sailors parts One and Two

CHARACTERS: Mike, the bots, Dr. F, Frank (I think) and RATMM's very own Jwinn

SUMMARY:
Short:
Hmm... lemme think this out. The story opens with a cliched (what else) and forced romance
between, err, I think his name is Mamoru... and Princess Usagi. He is holding her in his
"harms." Suddenly, for no real reason, all hell breaks loose. Usagi survives, and goes to tell
Mamoru of her survival. She also tells him that she will not survive the next fight. In the
second part, called "Imperium Silver Crystal Destroyed!" there is no Crystal, or silver. There
is some destruction. And some big monsters get beaten up by Usagi, minue her superpowers. The
"victorious" Usagi then dies as the monsters get chewed out by the Grand High Monsta-Masher, or
whatever. I think. I don't really remember. Very bland.

Feature:
I'd have to say n/a. This is a three part fic with NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, going on at
all. Compared to this, The Starfighters was nothing but nonstop, nail biting action.
In the first part, it's Christmas. Makoto is making fudge. Judging by the way everyone is
acting, YES, it /is\ that kind of "fudge." Though I doubt The Crystal Knight got this joke.
Santa Claus comes and Crystallina helps him deliver presents. The end. Really. No
complications, the entire journey with Santa is handled in about a paragraph.
In the second part, it's Valentine's Day. Crystallina wakes up and asks what Valentine's Day
is. She then delivers love to all the people... no, wait, sorry, that's just my wistful mind at
work. IF SHE HAD DONE ANYTHING I'd be satisfied, but instead she... umm... I think she kisses
Mamoru. The end.
Finally, the grand finale. you'd expect, after all the downtime, Crystal Knight would surprise
us with a huge drawn out battle of death and destruction. You know what? HE DOESN'T!!!!!
Instead, it's just another day in the boring life of Princess Crystallina. Seriously. NOTHING
ELSE HAPPENS!


SHORTS: Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon: Crystal Sailors parts One and Two
CATAGORIES: Sailor Moon, Anime
URL: http://members.xoom.com/ToRgO/

HOST SEGMENTS:
Prologue - Crow decides that life is nothing more than a Strange Interlude. If you've read
Eugene O'Neill's play, you'll love this. If you haven't, then you're screwed and I'll laugh at
you.

Segment One - Crow finishes up his Interlude. Dr. F is calling - he's happy to see Mike. And
you know why? Because he's going to make Mike crack! Yes, he has *GASP* a crummy fanfic for
him! Frank, interrupted from Virtual Mario Brothers, pushes the button.

Segment Two - Crow writes a Sailor Moon fanfic... with a slight editorial stance.

Segment Three - Gypsy is the butch host of an Interior Decorating program. Christopher Lowell,
her boyfriend, shows up. He adds a "lovely peach color" to the desk.

Segment Four - Crow left the theater early. After a Kinko's Employee shows up, it turns out
Crow made five hundred thousand copies of a petition for people to sign. Problem is, he
accidently killed the friendly motorist on the way back from Earth. Doh. Of course, there's no
mailing service on the SOL, so all the boxes are stuck there, not to mention a huge debt on
Mike's credit card. Mike wigs out. Dr. F calls - Crow succeeded in driving Mike insane for the
second time in three weeks, and thus, gets a reward: Five hundred thousand waffles, plus a
toaster. Mike sobs in agony as his living area is further reduced.

Stinger - Makoto is making fudge.

REFLECTIONS:
First off, the thing that is on everyone's mind: the third host. Yes, I /know\ it came out of
nowhere. Yes, I /know\ it has no backbone. All three of my proofers told me that. You know
what? By the time I finished ironing out all the final parts, I was sick of the damn MSTing. I
still am. I vomit at the mere thought of it. It took me longer to do than Saturday and its
sequal COMBINED. I wanted to push this out the door. Not only that, putting a backbone into the
hosts would require tearing out some of my favorite ideas.

That aside. I do not hate gays. I am not a homophobe. Christopher Lowell truly speaks like
that. I figured that the thought of Crow or Servo being gay would be a very nasty curve for
fans of the show. So, I decided to add some plausibility, and made Gypsy his butch girlfriend.

As for the story... somehow, even after reading it, I feel a void in my life. Even the worst of
fanfics can enlighten us in some way. We can watch things happen, and a plot move from start to
finish. But this fanfic has none of that. It made me HURT, and before I die I hope that The
Crystal Knight shares in some of that hurting. This is more of a timewaster than arguing with a
superpatriot.

One final point... if I was riding with Santa, I'd find something to do. I mean, this guy must
have a fascinating life. He's one of the few people who can say they saw in the birth of Jesus
Christ and also saw in the birth of Jello Biafera - two very different people, yet at heart
they were the same. I'd at least talk to this guy, get him on tape... it'd make a wonderful
dialogue... I'll bet the guy has some good philosophical ideas.

But does The Crystal Knight come up with the ingenuity to explore any of those avenues? NO. Of
course not. He handles the entire trip so quickly, if you blow your nose you'll miss it.

On second thought, maybe Santa Claus would be a right wing, woman hating, bigoted jerk.

CHRONOLOGICAL NOTES:
-Third in the WereTorgo Epic
-Sometime after Red Zone Cuba, but before the death of Frank.

RECOMMENDED READING:
Saturday, Saturday II.