|
Toni's Story (A Female to Male TS)With a Complex Story!
|
|
Biologically Speaking
|
I could never even begin to tell my story in a few brief words, But if your interested in knowing more about me, I'll do my best to capture the basics and you can Email me for further details. I will begin at the beginning. Of course I started out as female..My life has never been what most would view as "normal". God I HATE that word!
As a child, and I was spoiled, an only child. With two very loving, normal , caring parents..That loved their "child" very much.. They never tried to mold me to be one way or another, they just let me grow, develop and be me..They were just unaware of what being "Me" entailed..Sure they had hopes and expectations as any other parent would, But they never pushed me in one direction or the other..As a child unaware of lifes trials and tribulations, I had not a care in the world other than what would I do for fun today.I never thought about gender issues, untill puberty set in. Or untill I was challenged in some way, on my sexuality as an issue.
|
|
After 32 years of living my life for everyone else, Two failed marriages, and three beautiful children, I finally found my nitch in this world. The "real" me couldn't stay locked up any longer. The picture to the right is "Me" Toni as it should be. Unfortunatly life and society's issues don't make it easy to exist in the world as we know it..Not everyone understands what it's like to be a "soul" trapped in the wrong body, and all of the issues, faced along the way. I have lived a good portion of my life to please others. As one of my favorite quotes state.. If man doesn't keep pace with his companions. Perhaps it's because he hears the beat of a different drummer..Let him step to the music he hears.. No matter how measured or far away..Unfortunately it took me so long to figure things out that Ii did things backward, I learned the hard way. I took a few steps back before I can go forward again. I took male hormones for close to two years, I was on the edge of the point of no return. I saw what it was doing to my children, and my girlfriend at the time, and I stopped. I went through another two years of changes, depression and withdrawel from the changes my body had taken as a result of hormone therapy. I stopped everything I had worked so hard to accomplish and began a new career.. I though well, I had suffered this long I supose I can endure it some more. I can continue to live behind the mask of what is the furthest from me, and survive. Which brings me to the next, chapter.
|
The Real Me
|
|
|
Inbetween
|
The pic to the left is "me" now, the end product of society's role and what the world would like me to be. Somewhere in between me and myself. I do not feel like a "man" or a "woman" I don't feel like me..But I do now have a career as a Nurse, I am raising my children on my own, two sweet boys at home and a beautiful daughter who is 20 and is getting married this year..Although my life has been rather complex, I have made sure my children had as normal of a life as could be possible.. They know I am not really "normal" and they love me, but they don't know the "real" me. I let them have their fantasy of their "Mother", because I brought them into this world and reality is cruel enough. Once again I am trapped inside myself with No escape. But I am strong and I know who I really am. One day I will return..I am planning to return to self once again when the time is right. I plan to continue to work on my book in the meantime.With a life as complex as this I have managed to find "real" love, have had many relationships, one who loved me for me, who saw beyond the masks, and that I will cherish forever. It's hard to give love and get love if you don't love yourself first.. One of the cruel lessons, life has taught me.. I guess my purpose of this page is to let you know that we are not freaks, but very real people with good hearts, and the same goals and desires as other whom would be viewed as "normal" people. But unfortunately we are forced to create our own "normal" world and community..Because as many we are not yet completely excepted. We do not choose our lifestyles, they choose us. It is not fun to be torn between something that cannot be forgoten or pushed aside..So if your interested in the real me. You can E-Mail me to get to know me.. I am not advertising to be sexually exploited, or for cyber sex, No freaks please.. I am just looking for friends or others with similar stories.. I am currently single.And not really looking.. But one never knows stranger things have happened..Hahaha!! Tony Check out my links they have great visuals and audio just be patient they are slow to load. Toni
|
|
|
|
Favourite links
|
|
