The Healing of the Homosexual

Homosexual Healing: A Christian Response to Gays and Lesbians (Session 3)

Inadequate Approaches to Homosexual Healing

1. The Humanistic Model - believes the homosexual need to be relieved of their inhibitions and culturally-imposed guilt about their biological make-up. Homosexuality is wrong only to the extent that it can lead to deep feelings of self-rejection. Goal is "self-acceptance". Weak in that denies the spiritual nature of guilt. Ignores the source of the deep same-sex intimacy needs.
2. The Denial Model - believes that homosexuality is strictly a behavioral sin and ignores the underlying emotional needs. Many churches take this position. Offers no resources for change: no help for dealing with a sin habit; no loving acceptance before victory over the sin. It does not clarify the problem, it aggravates it.
3. The Deliverance Model - believes that homosexuality is like a disease or demon-possession. While demonic elements can be involved, deliverance at best is only the first step. It does not address the NT teaching associated with temptation and sanctification.

Preparing Yourself to Counsel the Homosexual Struggler

1. Am I walking with Jesus Christ?

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (Galatians 6:1)

1. Am I overcoming sin habits and destructive hurts in my life?

…you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (Galatians 6:1)

1. Am I determined to display a spirit of gentleness?

… you who are spiritual should restore him gently... (Galatians 6:1)

1. Am I prepared for lapses in behavior with the person who becomes accountable to me?

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin... (Galatians 6:1)

1. Am I careful listener to the souls of others?

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.. (Galatians 6:2)

1. Am I growing in my knowledge of God's Word, especially as He speaks of human sexuality?

I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. (Romans 15:14)

1. Am I confident in the power of the Gospel to change lives?

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. (Romans 1:16)

Steps Toward Healing Homosexual Hurt

1. Love the homosexual struggler as Christ would.
   • Without conditions
   • Without condemnation
2. Lead the struggler to admit that a problem exists.
   • Through discussing the past: "How did you come to the conclusion that you were a homosexual?"
   • Through defining a pattern of behavior: "May I share with you what I see happening?"
     • explain the origin of homosexual hurt, drawing on his/her experiences and feelings
     • distinguish legitimate needs from illegitimate expressions
     • stress that eroticizing needs will not achieve the desired emotional intimacy
     • if a person is unwilling to stop, you cannot be their willingness, but you can be their friend - pray for them
3. Present real hope for change through the Gospel
   • instill hope by emphasize the possibility of change using I Corinthians 6:9-11

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

• change involving emotional needs is possible
• change involving addictive behaviors is possible
• change involving wrong relationships is possible
• present the Gospel according to Paul in Romans 1-4

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:20-24)

• we are made right without doing what is right
• we are made right through faith in Christ alone
• we are made right as a gift - with no cost or contribution from us
• present the blessings and security of the believer in Romans 5 & 8

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God… If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? (Romans 5:1-2, 8:31-35)

• present a strategy for overcoming sin habits and the formation of new godly habits as found in Romans 6

(1) count yourselves dead to sin ... (Romans 6:11)

(2) do not let sin reign… (Romans 6:12)

(3) offer yourselves to God… (Romans 6:13)

• present the inner struggle with temptation based on Romans 7, Galatians 5:16-17, James 1:12-15, and I Corinthians 10:12-13

For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. (Romans 7:22-23)

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. (Galatians 5:16-17)

When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. (James 1:13-15)

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (I Corinthians 10:12-13)

• present the power of confession and forgiveness of sins from Matthew 5:23-24

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:23-24)

1. Provide resources for change
   • a same-sex counselor
     • provides accountability
     • provides for same-sex intimacy needs
     • provides a non-erotic model for relating to the same-sex
     • provides a model for masculine or feminine identity
     • provides a model for Christian living
   • homework assignments in the study of masculinity and femininity
     • men should study the masculine identity of Christ in the Gospels
     • women should study the feminine traits of God and the godly women of the Bible

"For in him dwelleth all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him…" (Colossians 2:9-10)

• experiences in genuine worship, prayer and forgiveness

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened… Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another… Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts… men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. (Romans 1:21, 24, 26-27)