Writing a Letter
Written by: Ted Kellett - Copyright July 2002
Good Afternoon to you.
Today, as you know, we are going to be discussing how to write a letter.
First things first, lets introduce ourselves.
I am the instructor and you are?
Billy from Wescome New Hampshire.
Wonderful.
Now Billy, may I call you Bill?
No I am not going to call you wild Bill, its either Bill or Billy.
Now don't go sulking, that will get you no where.
Where are you going?
All right, all right.
Wild Bill it is.
Now today we are going to write a letter.
Let us discuss what you need.
You need to have something to write on and something to write with.
Do you have that?
Ok, go and get it.
Ok now Bill, I mean wild Bill, what you have there is a pair of scissors.
You cant write with a pair of scissors.
Now wait a minute, don't run with those, come back here.
Yes I know its time for your snack, but we are trying to…all right then.
Cookies it is.
No I am not going to say that.
All right , all right stop crying.
Cookies for everyone whoo whoo ….
Ok now. Get something to write with.
Now wild Bill, that's a crayon you can't write with a crayo,….all right you can write with the crayon.
Yes I know, it's a blue one.
Very pretty.
Ok now do you have something to write on?
You do, ok get it
Wild Bill, you cannot write a letter on the dog.
I don't care if you cry you cannot write a letter on the dog….what is he doing?
Oh great now he is peeing on the carpet.
Get him out of here.
Go and get some paper.
Ok that will do.
Yes I know its blue.
It's the same color as your crayon.
Very nice.
Ok now who do you want to write to?
Bugs bunny.
Right.
Ok, good enough then.
Now what do you want to say in the letter.
Where are you going now?
Ok, you have to pee too.
Fine.
All set now?
Good.
What do you want to say in the letter?
What a rootin tootin dog gone good dude he is.
Wonderful.
I wonder if I could kick your ass and get ….
What?
What did I say?
I said I wonder if you can write on glass.
You can, no don't show me.
Ok, I see that right on the glass, that is wonderful.
Oh and your shirt too.
That's great.
Now lets start the letter.
What's that?
You want to start with the letter w.
No I meant the letter we are writing.
Yes I know that W is the first letter of whoo whoo but we have to start the letter with
All right, all right.
A big W on the top.
Yes same as whoo whoo.
Wonderful.
Now we need to address it.
Address it, tell it where it is going to go, no not like that, you can't talk to the paper.
No it doesn't understand you
I said an address.
Where are you going?
To look at your address.
I see.
Yes I know its 42.
Same as your IQ I bet.
Not I said your pretty funny by heck.
Ok now how about the date.
We need to put that on the top.
Why?
So they know when we wrote it.
Wild Bill.
You did not write this in 1107 BC.
No you will not fool anyone with that.
I am telling you
Everyone will know its not true….
Ok 1107 bc it is.
Now address it.
Ok, 42
What street?
What? No wild Bill don't go and look.
Ok its Maple street.
That's right 42 Maple street.
Ok now what will we put in the letter?
No now wild Bill you can't put an orange in the letter.
Your just being silly now.
Take that out of your shirt.
Yes I know its cold and round and feels funny on your chest.
Ok put the damn thing in the letter.
What?
I said maybe ham would be better.
No Bill, now don't worry about the ham, I was kidding, ok put the ham in the letter.
Ok now read back to me what you have.
42 Maple street orange ham….
Wild Bill now that is not funny.
No its not.
All right, its funny.
Yes I bet bugs is going to pee his pants when he reads it.
Now we need to put it into an envelope.
You don't have one?
That's ok we can just forget that part.
Oh, you can make one?
Wonderful.
Perhaps I can hold my breath while you do that.
No, now wild Bill don't hold you breath, ok yes you are turning blue.
I can see that.
Ok now you have your envelope.
Put the letter inside.
All right the orange too.
No wait, if you do that it will get all…….wet
Yes I see that it's wet.
Ok now, we have the letter, with the orange and the ham, yes that's still funny.
And we have the address, and lastly we need a ….what?
You forgot to kiss the letter goodbye?
Ok why don't you do that while I slit my wrists here in the kitchen.
I'll just be a minute…oh your all done.
Good.
Now we can just wait for the postman to come and pick this up.
Bill, no don't wait by the door, no he is not coming now.
All right, he is coming to get you letter right now.
And there you have it.
Writing a letter in no time at all complete with ham and an ……
God I am so depressed.
Created By: James Arrian................................................................................................................................December 2002