hi. well...this section is for those of you who wish to learn everything about my life...for the past--oh...6 years or so. i am warning you...this is terribly boring, and i don't blame you if you wish to move on. 

ok....lets start with 6th grade...i was a happy child up until this point. it was in 6th grade that i actually started paying attention to those hormones that have been bugging me for so long. i explored my feelings, and didn't really do anything with them until 7th grade. i began to wonder if i should have a girlfriend, especially because all my friends had one. but something wasn't right. i couldn't find the right "string" to pull to even think about a girlfirned. something was wrong. so then i began to sink deeper and deeper into my thoughts until finally, in 8th grade, things got bad. first of all, my mental-self was a blob of slime. i knew then i wasn't right, and i was ashamed of it. i kept thinking of myself in the future being homosexual, and the picture i painted was no work of art. so, being caught up with my emotional feelings, i disregarded my physical appearance. i got ugly. i needed glasses, which made me look like crap. my hair grew long, and FINALLY i had it cut. i started to grow facial hair (colored peach fuzz) and didn't take care of myself.

in 9th and 10th grade, that began to reverse itself. I got a new image, and things looked better -- physically. but i was still gay, and i still hated it. i knew NO ONE that was gay, so i was on my own to figure it out. but thankfully, that year we got the internet, so i began to make gay friends through chat rooms. one friend, really stood out. his name was zach. we talked and talked, and grew to love each other. problem was, he lived in oklahoma, and i lived in wisconsin...some 800 or so miles. but we still loved each other...no matter where we lived. one day (without me knowing), he came down with a bad case of heptitis. he almost died. and so did i, because i thought he jumped off the planet. the six months he was in the hospital he wasn't online, so i had no way of knowing if.... but things turned out okay, and he returned. but things were different, he didn't love me anymore. he had found someone else...and that was the end of it.

that was the end of 10th and beginning of 11th grade...which i sailed through pretty easy, now accepting the fact that i was indeed homosexual.  but then came the day of reasoning...i was going to tell my parents about my sexuailty. that was a terrible decision...they took it real bad. we're a catholic family, so homosexuals are out of the question. they should be burned and banished from heaven...hell even. so that sucked...and still does.

then, in the beginning of this year, 12th grade, i found someone new online (after i vowed never to have another online love). his name WAS joey. he lives in washington, but again, that didn't matter. we loved each other and had so much in common. we even had plans to meet, this december 26th (1999). he would fly over and stay at a hotel. but his parents didn't buy the lie he made up and he couldn't come. then all of a sudden, he stopped responding to my emails and never talked to me again. but i found out that he found someone else. im not telling how, but lets just say thats why i think i would make a good psychologist. 

so thats it. thats my life up to this point. i can't think of anything else to add...but im sure more will be added soon...