hi. well...this section
is for those of you who wish to learn everything about my life...for the
past--oh...6 years or so. i am warning you...this is terribly boring,
and i don't blame you if you wish to move on.
ok....lets start with
6th grade...i was a happy child up until this point. it was in 6th grade
that i actually started paying attention to those hormones that have
been bugging me for so long. i explored my feelings, and didn't really
do anything with them until 7th grade. i began to wonder if i should
have a girlfriend, especially because all my friends had one. but
something wasn't right. i couldn't find the right "string" to
pull to even think about a girlfirned. something was wrong. so then i
began to sink deeper and deeper into my thoughts until finally, in 8th
grade, things got bad. first of all, my mental-self was a blob of slime.
i knew then i wasn't right, and i was ashamed of it. i kept thinking of
myself in the future being homosexual, and the picture i painted was no
work of art. so, being caught up with my emotional feelings, i
disregarded my physical appearance. i got ugly. i needed glasses, which
made me look like crap. my hair grew long, and FINALLY i had it cut. i
started to grow facial hair (colored peach fuzz) and didn't take care of
myself.
in 9th and 10th grade,
that began to reverse itself. I got a new image, and things looked
better -- physically. but i was still gay, and i still hated it. i knew
NO ONE that was gay, so i was on my own to figure it out. but
thankfully, that year we got the internet, so i began to make gay
friends through chat rooms. one friend, really stood out. his name was
zach. we talked and talked, and grew to love each other. problem was, he
lived in oklahoma, and i lived in wisconsin...some 800 or so miles. but
we still loved each other...no matter where we lived. one day (without
me knowing), he came down with a bad case of heptitis. he almost died.
and so did i, because i thought he jumped off the planet. the six months
he was in the hospital he wasn't online, so i had no way of knowing
if.... but things turned out okay, and he returned. but things were
different, he didn't love me anymore. he had found someone else...and
that was the end of it.
that was the end of 10th
and beginning of 11th grade...which i sailed through pretty easy, now
accepting the fact that i was indeed homosexual. but then came the
day of reasoning...i was going to tell my parents about my sexuailty.
that was a terrible decision...they took it real bad. we're a catholic
family, so homosexuals are out of the question. they should be burned
and banished from heaven...hell even. so that sucked...and still does.
then, in the beginning
of this year, 12th grade, i found someone new online (after i vowed
never to have another online love). his name WAS joey. he lives in
washington, but again, that didn't matter. we loved each other and had
so much in common. we even had plans to meet, this december 26th (1999).
he would fly over and stay at a hotel. but his parents didn't buy the
lie he made up and he couldn't come. then all of a sudden, he stopped
responding to my emails and never talked to me again. but i found out
that he found someone else. im not telling how, but lets just say thats
why i think i would make a good psychologist.
so thats it. thats my
life up to this point. i can't think of anything else to add...but im
sure more will be added soon...
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