"BLONDE JOKES"

Blonde Bank:

A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5000?" The Blonde replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
 

Blonde Flowers:

A Blonde and a Brunette are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the Brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. The Brunette sighs and says, "Damn, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason." The Blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?" The Brunette says, "Oh sure.....but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." To which the Blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

Three Blonde Guys:
Three blond men are stranded on one side of a wide river and don't know to get across. The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across. The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across. The third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.
Or-
Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God leaves the hair blonde but turns him into a woman and he walks across the bridge.
 

Brunette Joke:

Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group, they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments, no one volunteered. Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech; saying, she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. The blondes applauded.

Two Blondes:

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents. She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do. The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4,000 to repair. She said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it. The body man decided to have a little fun and said,
"Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out." She decided to give it a try before spending that much money. She drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her Blonde neighbor came over to visit. "What are you doing?" she shrieked thinking the worst and thankful that she may have just prevented her friend from committing suicide. "I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained the first Blonde. "Well silly, it's not going to work," replied her neighbor. "Why not?" asked the first Blonde. "Because you've got to roll up the windows first."

Dumb Blonde Quickies:

The Blonde......
...sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...thought a quarterback was a refund.
...thought General Motors was in the Army.
...thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
...tripped over a cordless phone.
...spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate".
...told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius".
...it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".
...she studied for a blood test-and failed.
...when she saw the movie rating "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends.
...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home.

The Blonde and The Pilot:

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a Blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.  The Blonde replied, "I'm Blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the Blonde replied, "I'm Blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving. The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a Blonde, and I know how to handle this."  He went to the first class section and whispered in the Blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her.
The captain replied: "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
 

Blonde Puzzle:

One morning a Blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me.  I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."  Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The Blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."  The Blonde's friend figures that she herself is pretty good at puzzles, so she heads over to the Blonde?s place.  The Blonde lets her friend in the door and shows her the puzzle spread all over the table. The friend studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. 
She then turns to the Blonde and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to tell you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
 

Magic Mirror:

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Red-head all went to an antiques store and saw a mirror.
The lady working at the store said, "This is a magic mirror, you must say something true and if it's true you can make a wish and it will come true.  If it's not true you will disappear." The Blonde, Red-head, and the Brunette bought the mirror and took it home with them. First, the Red-head walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world."
Poof, she vanished.
Then the Brunette walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world."
Poof, she disappeared.
Then the Blonde walked up to the mirror and said, "I think...."
Then Poof, she disappeared.
 

The Woman and The Painter:

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!" The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"! The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!
This is too much. The woman has to ask why he keeps shouting out the window. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head slowly and says, "Lady, I have four blondes laying sod across the street."