Disclaimers
This story is written with the utmost respect to the cast and crew of Xena: Warrior Princess. It is written to express true love and commitment, not for profit.
If the concept of two women in love upsets you, please, don't trash the story, but if you must, there are other great stories out there.
(All characters portrayed are the property of Renaissance/MCA/Universal. No copyright infringement is intended. This story, however, is copyrighted to Darkone.)
How Do I
Live?
[This story is a
continuation of Now and Forever]
By Darkone
After the third day, she could stand the cave no longer. She packed her bedrolls, Gabrielle's staff, and scrolls onto Argo and left.
Argo just trotted a steady pace; not really going in any direction as Xena sat astride her in a dazed consciousness. She just let Argo roam as she battled for a steady train of thought. Her mind kept flaying in all directions and coming back to focus on the pain in her soul.
Argo felt an unusual warmth in her senses and turned north, with her mistress still lagging in the mire of her pain.
Water flowing and splashing...wrapping and embracing, caressing and loving.
A single figure washed upon the bank of the river as long pale gold tresses spilled over lithe shoulders. A pair of soft footsteps comes rushing to the unconscious figure's side.
"Help me move her. She's freezing!" A dark-haired young woman wraps a shawl over the still form and checks for vital signs, smiling when a weak pulse is found.
"Bring the wagon Tyra! I don't think she's awake." She rolled the figure over and scooped her up gently. She then loaded her find into the wagon and headed into the small village to the north.
Argo stopped that evening, unable to carry herself or her rider any farther. Xena hadn't realized the progression and looked around when she felt the mare stop. She looked into the soft brown eyes of her friend, her only friend now, and dismounted.
"Sorry, girl. I'll take care of you." She slid from the saddle and removed it quickly. Setting the animal free to roam afield. She then set up a sparse camp and made the fire.
"Gabrielle…I'm going hunting, what would you...?" The sentence died on her lips as she remembered.
She then just sat down and stared at the fire. She reached over to her saddlebags, she looked at the bag and drew out the small crystal, and looked into the depths, wishing for the memories to come forward.
She closed her eyes and smiled as she reopened them. Her eyes focused on the crystalline depths, and saw her love's face once more. She watched and remembered it all again, as she leaned back, cradling the crystal to her aching heart. Eyes closing as she went to Morpheus' waiting arms.
The crystal glows faintly as a shimmering form appeared.
"Oh, babe. You are hurting so much...Apollo? Please, stop this." The form asked.
"NO…She needs this, it will guide her, trust me." A soft male voice whispered. She turned to see the god hovering on his board, smiling sadly.
"Can I at least help her, a little?"
"Yes, but the crystal can't be tampered with. The crystal is the key. It is both their salvation, just say what you need."
"Okay...Babe? Continue north, don't get sidetracked. The longer you stray, the harder it will be." The two forms then vanished, as the crystal faded to a dull glowing light.
The next morning, Xena awoke slightly at ease, and with a purpose. North. She had to keep pressing north. Argo seemed to know the way, so Xena just let the mare go where she wanted.
The next few days were filled with moving toward an uncertain destiny, with Xena becoming more intense every moment. When they reached the outskirts of a village that was located within a ring of trees, she made camp...sleeping in the secluded setting.
Next morning, she awoke to the sound of laughter; a sound so familiar, she thought her sanity had shattered as her heart had. She rolled over and listened, the sweet sound coming from the lake she knew was in the western corner of her camp. She pulled herself up and started walking.
Upon reaching the water's edge, she saw two women. One slightly taller than the other with dark hair, the other compact and splashing naked in the waters. Long pale blonde hair was slicked back and the woman turned.
Xena's hold on the real world failed when smiling green eyes locked on her, and spoke directly to her.
"Hello." The woman spoke softly.
Xena's eyes rolled to the back of her head, consciousness screaming out of control. One word escaped her lips, before she lost her vision. "Gabrielle…."
Candlemarks later, she awoke, the woman from her earlier vision staring intently at her, concern etched on her face. She smiled when the blue eyes peered up at her.
"Hello...are you hungry?"
Xena nodded and looked around. "Where am I? And…are you?"
The woman smiled again, and answered. "You are in my home...and I am Sappho."
Xena thought the gods were exceedingly cruel. A lookalike, someone who matched her beloved's beauty, and compassionate nature perfectly.
"I'll feed you, okay? You've atrophied a bit. Looks like you haven't eaten in days." Sappho tsked as she moved around the room to the kitchen. She came back with a bowl of stew, with some flatbread.
She held out the bread for the warrior to take a bite. As she did, a familiar taste came to mind. Olive spread with basil and some oil. It was so familiar. She closed her eyes to shut out the familiarity. The stew had a rich flavor with a strong garlic taste. She wanted to just get up and walk away, but her body was so weak, she couldn't move.
Sappho's brows knit. "I'm sorry, too much garlic? I don't know why I used so much...I don't like it that much. It just seemed right."
"No...no...it's perfect. I love garlic. It helps the metabolism," Xena said softly. This was just too cruel for words. Her host had prepared a meal perfectly. With every detail like the way her bard would have done. Sappho smiled brightly and went back to feeding her.
After the meal, her host tucked her in and smiled. "I think you need some sleep. When you fainted? I thought you were wounded."
Xena looked around and noticed her armour was on a rack across the room. The brass pieces were shining dully in the firelight. She looked at her host.
"I undressed you, and put you to bed. You're a little heavy. I figure, when you're in top shape again, and ready to leave? You're bound to be a lot stronger. Those muscles are kinda weak. After a few days' rest? I bet you'll be ready to leave. Ahhhh, but I talk too much. Good night."
The candle was extinguished and Xena stared at the ceiling of her room.
"A lookalike. What are the odds of that?" She whispered, then rethought the question. "But then, look at how many are of me." She pondered this as she went to sleep.
Morning came, and thunder rumbled as lightning flashed. She woke to see her host.
Sappho was smiling as she sat a tray of food down. "Feeling better?" Sappho prepared some bread as the warrior nodded. She sat there, and pondered her guest. "I didn't get your name yesterday. I'm sorry, but it slipped my mind to ask."
"Xena." She answered. She noticed a vaguely puzzled expression cross her host's face, and then she watched her leave.
Later that day, the rain hadn't stopped and Xena could hear Sappho talking with someone.
"I'm sorry, Melody, but I won't move her. She's still weak, and...."
"And what? Sappho, I don't know why you think she should stay. She is NOT a pet. If it were me, I would...."
"But I'm not you, Melody. She stays, gets well, and...and if she wants to leave? She can leave. I can't stop her."
"Sappho...I'm your best friend, please, just listen to me?"
A door shut, and she heard a faint whisper as Melody passed on her way. "She can't be someone you knew...she can't."
Xena pondered this before the rain lulled her to sleep.
The next few days found her being cared for by her host. Sappho was devotedly attentive to her needs and fed her and recited poetry...her voice so soft, and speaking of a love lost, needing to be found to save two souls....
It was very hard for the warrior to listen, but she felt herself compelled to do so. The tones so like her beloved bard.
Each night, a warm meal, a poem, and she was tucked safely away...and each day, the rain worsened.
Sleep was abruptly lost when Sappho began shaking her.
"Xena?! Wake up! We have to get moving. The river's flooded and I have to move you. Can you stand?" Sappho was panicked and grabbing some items. She stopped and helped the still weakened warrior stand and begin walking to the door. "Stay here...I'll be right back." She started to leave when she felt Xena's hand on her shoulder.
"I need my saddlebags. They have something very important in them." She rasped.
"I really don't think we can...." She looked up into pale blue eyes that just seemed to plead.
"Please?" The warrior asked.
"Alright." She headed back, and grabbed the saddlebags. The crystal fell out, shattering. Sappho knelt to grab a larger fragment. She felt a wave of sensation flood her and she faltered until she regained some balance and placed within the saddlebags. She felt utterly confused.
"Xe-Xena?" She asked as she walked toward the warrior.
Xena's eyes opened slightly and she looked at the smaller woman.
"We have to get moving." Sappho's mind was still reeling from the images, and the familiarity that was attached to them. She had to find Melody. After all, they were best friends...weren't they?
The small barriers were holding back the waters, but barely.
Sappho led Xena through the town and to the small hill leading to the community shelter. She knocked on the door and Melody answered, smiling, until she saw the warrior was with her.
Sappho made her way inside, and set the warrior on the bench farthest from the rest of the townspeople.
Melody just sat with Tyra, sulking the entire time. She didn't even notice that Tyra was smiling at her, and gently stroking her arm.
Sappho sat with Xena, murmuring softly to her as she made her more comfortable.
'Eyes as bright as Celestial fire, with skin kissed by Apollo's soul. Her heart is heavy, breaking night's gift, meeting in her body's well....'
Xena grabbed Sappho's hand weakly, and pulled her to her face, staring into her green eyes. "Where...where did you hear that?" Her grip tightened slightly.
Startled, Sappho answered quickly. "I-I wrote it." She answered.
"No...no you didn't." Xena ground out through clenched teeth. " I know who wrote that, and she's...."
Sappho shook her head. "I am sorry...but I did write it. Melody said she found it in my belt when she rescued me from the river. It was ripped...the rest was lost...I finished it."
Xena leaned up and spoke softly. "Her soul is free...grasping love's tranquility. Moving stones and heaven's gate...she has found her way home."
Sappho pulled away. She shook her head as the images from the crystal flooded her mind. She then closed her eyes. "How...how did you know that?" Sappho whispered.
"Because...because the woman who wrote that? She was the love of my life, and she wrote it for me. Before I lost her." Xena then stopped, and looked across the room at Melody. Suddenly, water started seeping under the door. She looked at Sappho. "We need to make a breakwall. The waters are coming up the hill. Are there any sandbags and rocks about?"
Sappho nodded to the corner. "This is the supply hut, we made extra sandbags over there." Xena looked over and nodded.
"Let's go. We don't have much time." Xena stood and spoke to the people loudly.
"We need to build a breakwall. The waters are coming in. We can build it at an angle, and the water will hopefully go around it."
"Why should we trust you? We don't even know who you are!" Melody stood up and walked toward her, anger on her face.
"Because she's trapped here too. And...I trust her." Sappho stood in front of Xena.
Melody looked at her face and her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Alright." She started to walk away when Xena clasped her shoulder.
She turned her glare on the warrior and was met with icy chips of blue. "How long has she been here?" She nodded toward Sappho, who had walked over to Tyra.
"Her whole life. We grew up together." She wouldn't look the Warrior in the eye and Xena knew she was lying.
"I don't think so." She then held up a piece of parchment. "She wrote this. She then gave me the other half. That way, we could recite it to each other." Xena spoke in an edged tone.
Just then, Sappho walked up and Melody pulled away.
Xena watched her go, then turned a faint smile on Sappho. "Ready?" She asked.
Sappho nodded, and pointed to several strong young men. "They will help. Let's go." She made her way to the door.
Xena spoke softly. "No. Please, stay here."
Sappho looked back at her, a puzzle on her fine features.
Xena handed her the scrap of parchment, and met the other men at the door.
"That will explain everything." She smiled as she stepped through the door.
Sappho opened the parchment and read it. It all made sense now. She smiled as Melody walked to her. "You lied to me...didn't you?" Sappho's voice was hedged with the beginning embers of anger. She took a deep breath, trying to hold herself back. Melody, her 'best friend' since childhood, had lied to her.
Upon seeing the restrained anger in those beautiful, sea green eyes, Melody looked at the ground.
Sappho touched her cheek and locked eyes with her.
"Yes..." In a small voice. Tyra had walked up and placed a soft hand on Melody's shoulder.
"Why?"
"Because I fell in love with you, when you opened those eyes of yours. You were so lost...I couldn't help myself."
Tyra's hand fell away...she turned away from them both and walked to the back wall. Sappho noticed that the dark-skinned beauty was trying to hold back tears.
"Thank you for being honest with me now." Sappho then leaned up and kissed her on the cheek. She then headed for the door, and opened it. She made her way to the group building the breakwall and called out. "Xena?!"
Xena stopped what she was doing and looked up. The rain and floodwaters were making it hard to see; she saw the soaking wet form walking toward her. It was at that particular instant that the waters made a hard hit, throwing a young man back from his position. Xena dove, caught the man, and sent him sailing behind the wall.
This however threw the weakened warrior off balance, washing her over the section of wall.
Sappho screamed, "Xenaaaa?!?!?" She ran to the wall's edge and crawled over it. She started to swim with the current, trying to catch up to the struggling form of the warrior.
Xena's eyes closed as wave of crushing wave of water washed over her. She finally stopped struggling when she could no longer command her muscles to move. Just as she resigned herself to drowning, strong arms wrapped around her, hauling her up. Upon breaking the surface, darkened green eyes regarded her.
"Sappho? What the Hades are you doing here?!" She croaked.
"No talking, not now. We have to get back to the village. We'll make it." Sappho shouted above the din. She searched around and found an escarpment, pulling them onto it, and they crawled to higher ground. Just as she pushed the warrior over, a wave smashed her against the escarpment, dazing her...her thoughts shifting.
Memories flooded her addled mind, stripping away falsehood and the stark truth was revealed as she swam her way to the surface. She was back, and her warrior was waiting! She was home, joy flooded her as she made her way back to the escarpment's edge.
"Xe?! Are you alright?" Sappho crawled over to the coughing warrior, worry focusing her movements. She rolled the woman over and smiled as blue eyes focused on her.
"Gabrielle?" She whispered.
"I--yes...it's me, Xena. I'm safe, and we're going to get you back to the village, you'll catch your death! I swear, what am I going to do with you...?"
"Gabrielle?" Xena places a finger to the bard's lips.
"What?" She asks softly.
"Yell at me later? I---I really want to...." Before the sentence is finished, Gabrielle leans down and kisses her with a tender passion, a kiss that speaks of love reunited.
"Now, rest, and be quiet. We have to get going later. This is going to be messy." A small cave is found, and the bard half carries, half drags her beloved into the small cave. "What is it with us and caves, huh, Xe?" She smiled as she saw her beloved was sleeping, shivering slightly, but asleep. She smiled and lay her head on a strong shoulder.
How? How had she survived? And if she had...had her daughter as well? She prayed not, but knew as long as she had her beloved warrior at her side? Nothing would stop her. "I'm home, Xena...I'm home." The bard whispered as she snuggled close and fell asleep.
The next morning, she awoke before Xena and looked at her clothes. A gown? What? "Oh, yes, Melody and Tyra. We have to make sure they're safe, and the villagers as well." She looked up, smiling until she saw tears escaping from the warrior's still sleeping eyes. She was saddened at this and spoke softly. "Xe? Wake up, love."
Xena's eyes popped open and she looked at the bard, smiling, until she remembered.
"What's wrong, Xena?" The bard asked.
"Sappho? What are you doing here? And where are we?" Xena's eyes were so full of pain.
"Xena? It's me, Gabrielle." She spoke soothingly.
Xena pushed at her, trying hard to escape the smaller woman's embrace. "No---No!! I watched you die! I watched...her...die." The warrior tried to move, but her weakened condition gave the smaller woman the upper hand.
"Xena? Xe? Stop it! It's me, love...I survived. I'm here, and I won't leave again...I swear." All said in a soft voice as she held the warrior tight. She let the other woman cry and whispered soothingly to her.
After a few moments, the warrior stops crying as she fills her senses with her beloved's presence, feel, and scent. It was intoxicating. They were dirty, wet, and cold, but to the warrior's eyes, Gabrielle was the most beautiful sight in the world.
"Your hair...it's so pale..." Xena whispered as she ran her tapered fingers through its now white-gold length.
"Shhh...what's that compared to being here? Where I belong?" Gabrielle murmured as she felt previously weakened arms hold her in a fierce hug. She enjoyed it until she pushed back and smiled. "Xena...Love, I can't breathe..."
"Oh!! I'm sorry...."
Gabrielle squeezed back... "Shhh, don't ever apologize for that. I really have needed you to hold me...but we need to head back."
Xena nodded against her love's shoulder and pulled away. She smiled as she looked into those sea-green eyes. She was here, her light was back, her love, her soul.
Picking their way back after the flood was hard, Gabrielle had to literally walk Xena through the terrain at times. Long hours, and occasional stops for rest, and the day turned to evening, as they made it back into the small village.
People were sifting through the damage, finding belongings, and trying to find pieces of their lost homes. Gabrielle and the warrior found Melody, who was crying in Tyra's arms.
She tore loose from the young woman's embrace and swept the bard into a tight hug. "Oh, Sappho! I was so worried...I...I...." She smiled until she looked into those blue streaked green eyes, and felt sad. She released the bard and stepped back.
"Melody? I know who I am, now...My name is...."
Before Gabrielle could finish, Melody practically shouted. "NO! You---you're...you're the love of my life! You...."
Xena felt some of her strength returning and spoke. "Her name is Gabrielle, and she can make her own decisions," Xena whispered as Melody turned a heated glare on her.
She raised an accusing finger toward the warrior, and spoke in a hissing voice. "She was mine! I found her! I treated her wounds, I fed her. I cared for her, and...I fell in love with her. She was mine, until YOU came!"
Gabrielle reached out a soothing hand and whispered. "No, Melody...don't you see? She had no choice...WE," she nodded at the warrior, "are bound, we cannot be apart. If I had not regained myself now? Then later. I would still be leaving. Melody? Would you be happy with a love that you could never have? How fair is that to either of us?"
Tyra was there as Melody broke down into a shuddering wave of crying. She whispered softly into the older woman's ear, and seemed to calm her some. She then wrapped her arms around the older woman and walked her home.
"I think Melody is very blind." Xena spoke softly.
"Notice it, too, huh?" The bard asked with a smile.
"Hey...I'm not that dense...well, okay, I was...once." The warrior was smiling as they made it to 'Sappho's' home, and the bard began setting water to heat for a bath.
"I guess we'll be heading home to the amazons soon?" Xena asked as she helped the bard pour the water into the tub; while deep, it wasn't very long.
Gabrielle began undressing, finding the gown very uncomfortable. "So...think she'll ever notice? Tyra, I mean?" The bard asked as she turned to see Xena sitting in the warm water. Her long legs resting over the sides, slightly open. Hands on her hips, the bard glared at the warrior who smiled like a Cheshire cat at her.
"Now, where am I going to bathe?" She asked with an arched brow, and a smile. Xena crooked her finger at her, smiling sensually at her lover, hardly able to believe the moment.
The bard walked to her, the gown loosely covering her body...the waist sash barely holding it closed. Xena's eyes traced the exposed line, starting at her throat, going past her navel, and beyond the soft pale-golden curls at her center.
Her breath was gone, and a concerned Gabrielle touched her shoulder. "Xena? Are you alright?" She was genuinely concerned, until a strong hand gripped her wrist, and pulled her into the tub, cradling her in her arms.
"I'm more than alright...now that you are here." She whispered as she squeezed the small woman tightly. Her hands began to roam over the lithe muscled frame of her beloved.
She reached the soft sash and untied it, slowly uncovering the silken flesh of her beloved bard.
She felt the moan building in her gentle lover and watched as wet skin became taut from arousal and need. She smiled as she traced her fingers around the soft flesh of a firm breast, listening to the soft whimpers from the smaller woman.
She then moved to the other, while her other hand moved down the toned abdomen, before stopping.
Sea-green eyes opened and locked on azure blue ones. "Why did you stop?" She pleaded.
"I want to look into your eyes as I kiss you...caress you...make love to you." Xena whispered as she slowly traced her fingers through soft curls and warm wetness. The water and warm silk of her lover's need mixed, driving the warrior higher with need.
"Say it, Gabrielle...please...I need to hear you say it." The warrior's voice was soft and pleading, the bard saw it too, fear. The warrior feared it was all a dream, brought on by grief, and her broken heart.
The bard turned, to sit astride the warrior's hips in the warm water. Placing her hands on the warrior's cheeks, she leaned down for a kiss, whispering softly. "I'm here, my love. I'm in your arms. We're making love, and I swear, this is no dream. I love you...I need you...and I want you...please, Xena. Make love to me."
She then kissed the warrior softly, almost barely touching her lips to the warrior's. This ignited the warrior. The days of loneliness, pain, and grief all mixed with the desperate love she felt for this gentle woman.
How? What gods or goddesses had saw fit to return her love? She neither knew...nor cared at this moment. She would let her actions be the thanks...her love the prayers, and her desire the sacrifice. All that mattered, was the woman in her arms. She was the center of the warrior's universe, and she felt it was true.
She brought her hands up, pouring warm water over the bard's body, feeling her jump, and wrap around her body. She brought her hands down the bard's back, cupping her firm rear, running her hands over the wet skin of her lover's legs.
She then brought her strong hands up her lover's sides, feeling her breath catch, and watching as her chest pumped oxygen into her body. She squeezed oh so gently, feeling as well as hearing the soft gasp of air.
The warrior began a teasing line of soft gentle kisses along the bard's chest, starting above her racing heart, moving up along her throat, moving over her chin to her lips.
The bard's arms wrapped around her neck, leaning downward to press her lips softly against the warrior's. She felt the warrior place soft kisses along her bottom lip, before closing on her lips again. The bard's hands moved down along the warrior's shoulders to her chest, making circular motions.
The warrior's heart was pounding so fast, her breath shaking, she broke away to stare into her beloved's eyes. "I love you, Gabrielle..." She whispered. "I'm sorry...I should have..."
"Shhh...Xena? I had to do that. I couldn't let you die. I would have lost my soul if you had. I couldn't stand the thought of you dying at the hands of Ares' machinations. He would have found a way to keep us apart. I had to do it."
"Why? I have to know." The warrior asked through clouded eyes.
"Because I had faith Xena. Not in any god...but us. I had faith in our love...and it saved me. Artemis, Apollo, and even Aphrodite were there...but it was my faith in our love that saved me...saved us."
Xena's hands traced over her bard's body, smiling at the flush and shudder go over her. She then slowly inserted two fingers in her lover's wet center, relishing the feel of warm silk as she slowly, but firmly thrust into her lover.
The bard's body reacted in a way that was instinctual. Her eyes closed, head leaned back, she clasped her hands onto broad shoulders, moving in a rhythm that was so ancient, so exquisitely beautiful, the warrior gazed in loving wonder and adoration.
When she felt the impending rush of her lover's release, she smiled as the eyes of her beloved slowly opened and she saw something she never dared hope to see again. Elysia. Her own private heaven was back, sharing the gift of their love once more.
She stilled her movements as the inner muscles locked around her fingers, and the bard's body stiffened in an onrush of release. She felt her love's fingers deep inside her, and her own pulsing need around those loving digits. She felt it all at once.
The days of separation and pain as their new connection asserted itself again, and the bard was racked with quiet sobs as she collapsed in her love's arms. Xena covered her face in gentle kisses as she slowly stood, still cradling her love close. She walked to the bed, placing her precious burden on the bed, and lay down beside her.
For the first time in days...Xena slept with no dreams, just peace. Morning came, and the bard was anxious to leave. Xena packed their bags and was ready to track Argo. The mare would have stayed in the general area she was left in until the warrior could retrieve her.
They walked to the road leading to the area where Xena's camp was. Along the way, they saw Melody and Tyra working on their home. Gabrielle waved Melody over.
Tyra nodded as her friend walked to the warrior and bard.
"Can I ask you something?" Xena whispered. Melody seemed shocked that the warrior was the one to speak, but nodded.
"How long has she been with you?" Xena asked in a soft voice.
"Ten years. Her sister died, and I took her in, she was my closest friend. What else could I do? What else can I do?"
Xena patted her on the shoulder. "Try giving her what she needs." The warrior said.
"And that would be?"
Gabrielle smiled at her. "Your heart. Melody, she's already given you hers."
"But...she's so young...she's so...." Melody trailed off as she watched her friend, and for the first time she saw her as not a young girl, but a young woman.
"How old is she?" The bard asked.
Melody shook her head and looked at the bard. "Ummm...twenty summers...."
"Melody, I was eighteen when I started following Xena. And I'm twenty-one now...she's not that young. And she shouldn't have to wait forever." Gabrielle said as the woman in question made her way to the assembled group.
"Do you really think that...." Melody stopped as she saw it, the glimmer of love in Tyra's eyes. She smiled as she approached, her dark hair flowing over her shoulders and her dark skin shining in the early morning light. She then motioned for Tyra to stop, and turned to the two women. "You're right...I can't believe how foolish I've been. Can you excuse me?" Melody turned to walk away as Xena motioned her to go.
They watched as Melody walked to Tyra and began talking to her. They both smiled when they heard Tyra's squeal of delight, and watched as she wrapped her arms behind the taller woman's neck, kissing her passionately.
"Ummm...well...I see that things are well in hand here. Shall we go?" Xena spoke softly.
Gabrielle nodded and they began to leave. Things were perfect. Their lives were whole again.
Love always finds a way...