Monday, September 6th, 1999 - Happy Laborless Day
It's ironic to be given the opportunity to celibrate labor day when you've done nothing that could be called labor in months. I'm still
unemployed. I called the Americorp offices in South Bend and Elkhart again. The Elkhart Envirocorp is full, but they are accepting applications for their Vista program. I don't know much about that program, but I'm meeting with the coordinator of Elkhart Americorp Wednesday afternoon to learn more about it. The South Bend Americorp coordinator finally got confirment from the US Government that their grant had been approved and they will be accepting applicants for the South Bend Americorp. The South Bend program is different from the others in that all the applicants don't work at one location, rather Americorp workers are divided off to different social, civic, and service organizations in the area. Of all the programs South Bend Americorp works with, the two that sound the best to me are Aids Ministries and the Center for the Homeless. AIDS Ministries only needs one person, and that person would act as the outreach/activities director. Since working in the Washington DC AIDS kitchen in May I've really felt a strong desire to work in an AIDS relief organzation. But I've also always had a strong burden for the homeless and the Center for the Homeless would be a great place to work for a year as well. The Center for the Homeless needs 8 people to fill a variety of positions. The South Bend Americorp director is going to send my application to both of those organizations and they should be contacting me sometime next week. I am so hoping to be working in a position by the end of this month. For starters, I'm out of money. But I'm also not a big fan of sitting around doing nothing but watching movies and surfing the web. So, I'll be meeting with the Elkhart Americorp coordinator Wednesday afternoon and hopefully I'll hear from the Center for the Homeless and AIDS ministries sometimes this week or early next week.
Monday, September 6th, 1999 Part 2 - Drew
I spent most of the day to day with my best friend from high school, Derek Drew. We're going to a Third Day / Switchfoot concert Wednesday night so we went out and got tickets today. And then we went to Family Video because Derek has a Playstation and wanted to rent some games for it. He's been going to BlockRuster, which is like 3 times as expensive as Family Video so I had to get him signed up over there. Family Video is the best. They're opening chains everywhere and they are much better than BlockBuster, Hollywood Video, or any of the other expensive chains. New releases are $2.50 for 1 or 2 days. Everything else is $0.50 cents 7 days. The kids movies, fitness and sports videos, and documentary videos are always free. Plus, best of all, when you sign up you get half off everything for your first month (plus one free rental of a classic movie). New video games are $2.50 for 1 or 2 days. And old video games are $0.50 for 2 days. I just haven't found anywhere that beats their prices. Even their pornography is only $2.50 per day (but all they have is straight gunk, I checked). The only downside of Family Video is that it's not gay-owned, which means their gay/lesbian selection isn't the best (but it's decent, they have about 15+ gay oriented movies), so when I want to rent gay oriented films I go to Morris' Classic Video down on US 31. It's a ways away, but it's worth it. They have the standard 5 movies for 5 days for $5 deal, which isn't too bad. They don't have gay porn, but pornography isn't good for you anyways--it starts you lusting after things you don't have, and all it makes you is jealous, loney, and sex-craved. You're better off staying porn-free. But anyways, away from tangent-land, most of my day was spent with Derek, driving around, or just hanging out at his place. I have to say, Derek was really cool about my coming out. I'm usually pretty good about knowing how people will react, but I wasn't sure how Derek would react. He took the news a lot better than I had guessed. He's a pretty laid back guy. He's straight, but he's not narrow. He had some questions about Biblical interpretation because he's a Christian and cares that I'm living in par with Biblical standards, but I pointed him to a web page (http://www.bridges-across/ba/campolo.htm) that presented both views so that he knew there were more views out there than just those you hear all the time in fundamentalist churches. We're now able to joke around. It's not a big deal. He doesn't believe I think Leonardo DiCaprio is good looking ("What do people see in him?" he asked). But I don't believe that he can think Brittney Spears is good looking ("What do guys see in her?" I asked). So, we're even. The concert Wednesday should be fun. I loved Third Day's first album. I can't say that I've heard their newer stuff. I think I like Switchfoot as well, but I can't remember exactly. Oh, and Derek's mother even bought my ticket for me, she's so nice.
Tuesday, September 7th, 1999 - Clean Slate
Sometimes your room just gets so cluttered that you think it would be easier to clean it if you took everything out, started clean, and just added things one at a time. Well, I didn't do that with my bedroom, but I did it with my computer. I decided to reformat my computer. First I backed up a few things (my homepage, some mp3s, the "my docments" folder, and some pics) onto CD (CD burners are great). Then I rebooted to dos and typed "format c:" and answered "yes" to the "are you crazy / are you sure" question. It's so nice to have a clean, empty computer with nothing but the bare minimum. I of course have been installing and downloading stuff all day, but at least I don't have clutter everywhere. Someday... soon... I'm going to have to do this with my spiritual life. Things have gotten so cluttered in my mind that I don't know what I believe, let alone why. So I need to clear it all out and start with the basic question "Do I believe in God?" Right now I'm uncertain. If you wonder how I got to this point you can find the answer within the Bible in the book of Numbers chapter 31. There are lots of passages similar to this, but this one does a good job of explaining where I get caught up on the idea of God. This book, The Bible, and every other holy scripture known, the Koran, the Book of Mormon, etc, all portray God committing evil acts. In Numbers 31 God commands his followers to steal, murder, and rape. I don't believe God was the one commanding his followers to do these things, I think Moses gave the command apart from God's will and simply attributed those commands to God. But if Moses was successful at making God out to be a theif, murderer, and a rapist, then what other attributes of God has man painted. How much of any Holy Book can I take for truth. And what reasons outside of "The Bible Says" do I have for believing in God. My mind contemplates all of this, but right now my mind is cluttered that contemplation requires the skills of a defensive driver in arcade racing game--there's so many distractions and obstacles to dodge. I think it will be more effiction to clean out all of the distractions rather than learn to drive around them. So, this week, this month, this, this is my desire. Format Spirituality ("Are you sure?" Yes), Begin Rebuild.
Wednesday, September 8th, 1999 - Work and Play
Today was a good day. I started out the day with an interview with
the Elkhart Envirocorp concerning their VISTA neighborhood-support
position. I was also called by AIDS Ministries of South Bend, they recieved my Americorp Application from South Bend Americorp, and they are looking to hire someone for a computer technician position. I am so psyched. I have an interview with them on Monday. Then while I was gone, the Center for the Homeless of South Bend called, they also recieved by application for the south bend Americorp, and they want to interview with me tomorrow afternoon--they have several positions. It's so exciting, both are awesome organizations and I would be honored to work with either one. I really don't know which I would rather have, I know I would really enjoy working at either place. It's just so awesome, I'm psyched, I'm ready. I want to start. The interview with Elkhart Envirocorp went well, but I'm not sure it's what I'm looking for. The Center for the Homeless and AIDS Ministries positions both sound better. In fact, I can't think of anything I would rather do right now than to be working for one of those two ministries! Anyways, after the interview in Elkhart I ran home ate lunch (veggie burger and fries) and then ran to the gym. I love working out at the gym. Everyone is so much better (stronger) than me, but oh well. It's just a lot of fun. I noticed there are a lot of gay-pride rainbow flag stickers on the cars in the lot. An all-male gym, you know there's going to be a lot of gay men there. But that's not why I'm going, I just want to get in shape! After the gym I ran downtown to drop off some videos and then ran over to the toll road and east to Derek's house. I got to his house right on time amazingly, and we left for a 7:00 concert at a local church. Third Day was playing as well as a band called Switchfoot. Both of those are Christian rock groups. I loved Third Day's first album when it came out, and hearing the songs live was really cool. The sound system wasn't that good and sometimes you couldn't tell what they were saying, but it was still fun. It was interesting to see all those people who believe in God and who were worshipping him through this music. I've been wondering and asking lately why people believe in God. It interests me since I'm not sure if or why I believe in God. After the concert I took Derek to the video store (he's in a wheelchair and can't drive, so I take him around sometimes. It's fun though, he's in an electric chair and can navigate like an expert) and then after taking Derek home I went north to South Bend to rent a video. I was in the gay section of the video store and found an interesting man asking me if I wanted his number. He seemed nice, but of course I denied the invitation. But he did tell me which vids were must-see. And I finally got home about midnight, and now I'm just catching up on email. But I am excited about this interview tomorrow with the center for the homeless and just as excited about the interview monday with AIDS ministries. Really excited. I'm really hoping something good comes from them.
Thursday, September 9th, 1999 - Job Offer #1
Today I had an interview with the South Bend Center for the Homeless. I've always had a strong burden for the homeless and for working to alleviate poverty, so I was excited to get a chance to talk with the Center for the Homeless. The lady who interviewed me gave a brief tour of the facilities and an overview of all the operations and programs. It sounds like such an excellent ministry. I would be honored to work there. But I'm very niave, and very unexperienced, and working there is a bit intimidating. Of all the positions they are looking to fill, I think working at the front desk sounds like what I would want to go for. It sounds like most taxing of all the jobs, because you are in charge of so much, but it would really make the Center's mission a reality for me. I would be in charge of checking everyone in and out, answering phones, entering data into computers, taking care of guests and vistors, aranging meetings, resolving conflicts between guests, just listening to people, and so much more. But if I didn't get overburned it would be an extremely rewarding position. Of course, since it's an Americorp position, I'm not going to be making much money. I'll get approximately $300 every other week. But I'm not doing it for the money. You won't get rich working with the homeless, but I can only imagine how blessed I'll be from working there. It may be hard, it may not pay much, it may be depressing, but it will be a rich experience. They've basically offered me the position if I want it. But I have an interview with AIDS Ministries of South Bend coming up Monday or so, and I want to listen to them as well. Both ministries sound so awesome that I am truly split as to which I desire to work with more. I guess we'll see.
Thursday, September 9th, 1999 - Jesus Is Late Again
At the end of last year I heard a television evangelist say that he predicted Jesus would come back on 9-9-99. Where the hell is Jesus?
The day is now over, it's midnight. And what about the computers? Why didn't they crash? Ugh, it's so depressing that the world isn't ending like so many people predicted. I guess we'll just have to wait until date #72 comes around--01/01/2000. Perhaps Jesus will be on time for the new year at least. [sarcasm mode off: I am tired of people saying Jesus is coming back soon. I see no reason to believe any of it. I don't think Jesus is coming back at all, let alone 9/9/99, 1/1/00 or any time soon.] But at least some good things came out of 9/9/99--the Backstreet Boys won MTV Viewer's Choice Award.
Saturday, September 11th, 1999 - High School Buzz
Today I drove down to New Haven for my cousin's graduation party. Nick Hirschey finished his last high school class over the summer. I'm so proud of him. He done did good--even though his teachers have given him shit for all four years. -- Anyways, it was good to see all of my family again. I didn't tell anyone there that I was gay--the opportunity/right-time never came up. I was asked if I had a girlfriend, when I was going to get a girlfriend, and when I was going to bring some girl up for them to approve of. I suppose if girl can equal guy that I'll bring up someone someday. I can't help that I'm single. Like most family reunions, it did get a little boring, especially since I was the only one there who wasn't drinking and drunk by 8. I left around 9:30 to return home because I didn't really feel like I fit in and prefer driving at night anyways. The under 20 crowd was all drinking in corner, the over 30 crowd was all drinking in the other corner, so not only was the only one not drinking, but I was basically the only person between 20 and 30 (Yes, my sister is 20, but I still consider her a teenager). Oh yeah, and my sister got her tongue pierced. Hmm, now all I can think of is that Chris Rock song "No Sex in the Champaigne Room" where he says "If a girl has a pierced tongue.. she'll probably suck your dick. If a guy has a pierced tongue.. he'll probably suck your dick." Ugh, I don't want to think about my sister in that way, gross, I want to imagine her as a perfect hard-to-get never-had-sex kid, not a pierced-tongue 20 year old, but oh well. Anyways, now I'm back home and bored as ever. It is so lame to be here on a Saturday night at midnight, alone. I would go out to a bar, but I'd be going alone. "1 is the loneliest number" is running through my head. How lame, I'm going to bed.
Sunday, September 12th, 1999 - Dreams of Death
Last night I dreamed that my dog got out of the house and was hit by a car and died. I woke up to find out that my dream was wrong. It wasn't my dog that got hit by a car, it was my cat. Oliver, our youngest and sweetest cat, was found by my mother today dead in the middle of the road a quarter mile from our house. He was torn into several pieces and my mother wasn't sure it was him, but she went back later to verify that it was our cat and to bury him.
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