I don't really know at what point I realized I was gay. The signs were clearly there as a teenager and even before that, but I had been taught that homosexuality was a choice, and since I hadn't made that choice, I didn't consider myself to be gay. I lusted after guys when I was in high school (and even before then), but I still didn't consider myself gay. It was until I was 22 that I stopped denying my feelings and accepted the fact that I am gay.

When did you come out of the closet

I came out to myself (and accepted who I was) in March of 1999. I came out to my friends on the internet that same month. I came out to friends at school between May and August. And I finally came out to my parents in August of 1999. Going from accepting the fact that I'm gay, to coming out, didn't take me a long time. When I was confident with who I was, I knew I couldn't lie to others about it for very long.

Are you gay or bisexual? I've heard conflicting stories.

For all practical matters I'm gay. I'm not interested in a having a relationship with a woman. The idea of sex with a woman does not appeal to me. But technically I'm probably on the far-right edge of bisexuality. Probably for every 20 men that I have had a crush on, I could name a woman that I've had a crush on. So, on the Kinsey scale I'm probably a 5. Which is to say, I'm mainly attracted to men, but there is some rare opposite-gender attraction as well. Having said that, I have no intention of having a relationship with a woman at all. I'm just happier in relationships with other men.

Have you had a boyfriend?

No. I came out to myself (accepted the fact that I was gay) in March of this year. Since then I've been coming out to more and more people. I'm now finally totally out of the closet, and am comfortable with who I am, and so now I can start looking seriously for a relationship with another guy. I'm not looking real hard right now, but I'm certainly keeping the doors open. So, I'm single, but seeking.

Have you had a girlfried?

Yes. I dated a great woman in college for about 6 months, but it didn't work out. I thought that by dating women, my attraction towards men would go away, but it didn't. I found out it doesn't work that way. My attraction towards men increased even while I was dating this girl. There was nothing wrong with her, but I was gay and in denial, and things couldn't and didn't work out.

Have you had sex with a guy?

No. I'm still a virgin. Before I accepted the fact that I was gay I never would have considered having sex with another man. Now that I'm out, I'm just waiting to find the right guy for me. I'm big on relationships. The idea of sex with strangers turns me off.

Have you had sex with women?

Nope. First of all sex with women does not excite me. Secondly, I've haven't been in a relationship with a woman long enough to consider having sex. I have no intention of having sex with a woman in my lifetime.

How do you know you're gay if you've never had sex with a guy?

Attraction. I'm turned on by men. I'm not turned on by women. It's that simple. If a cute guy and a cute girl walk by, my eyes follow the guy.

What do you look for in a guy?

Someone who's compassionate and caring. A good personality. Someone who's looking for a relationship and not just sex. Someone who's good looking, but not conceited. A swimmer's body, and a poet's heart. Someone who enjoys walks in the park. Someone I could see myself waking up with every morning.

Do you know what God thinks about homosexuality?

No I don't. I don't know the mind of God. I do know what the Bible says about homosexuality. I also realize that scholars are debated over what those verses mean. There are many gay Christians and certainly many gay theists. I do believe God created me as a homosexual man. I do not believe God condemns me for being a homosexual man. Yet, I don't know the mind of God.

Do you want to get married and have kids?

Absolutely. I would love to marry a wonderful man and raise children of our own. Of course it is illegal for gay couples to get married and it is illegal for gay couples to adopt children, but I pray the laws change by the time I find the right man. (Some of you may be surprised at this answer because 2 years ago I would have answered "no." That was because the thought of being married to a woman was not something I looked forward to.)

You caught me at a tough time. Right now, I'd probably have to say no. I've always been pluralistic. Right now, I'm in a deep questioning stage. The question central to Christianity is "Do you believe Jesus is God?" I'm not convinced that he was anything more than a good man.

Were you a Christian?

Yes, I gave my life to Christ at the age of 16 after hearing a tv evangelist speak of the dangers of hell and the joys of knowing God. Serious questions arose years later after more and more study of the Bible. May of 1999 was when I had to be honest and say that I'm not sure I can call myself a Christian anymore.

What caused your religious doubts?

The Bible. Seeing God order "his nation" to murder and plunder other nations did not ring true to me. The ethnocentricity and sexism in the Bible caused serious doubts as to its inspiration.

What do you think of the Bible?

I think it has potential for good and potential for bad. There is wisdom hidden in it's verses. There is also racism, sexism, and bigotry hidden within it's verses. I believe it was writen by man and that the faults and beliefs of those writers are evident in everything they wrote. I believe they wrote about God as they understood God, not necessarily as God really is. I don't believe God played any part in the writing of the Bible, rather God is simply the subject of the Bible.

Do you believe in God?

Yes. You can call me a theist or an agnostic. Either way, I believe there is a God. I do not claim to know God, nor can I speak on God's behalf on any matter. I believe that God must be holy, just, righteous, pure, and loving. I don't believe in a God of anger, wrath, or jealousy.

Do you believe in Heaven, Hell, or the Afterlife?

I have no authority to answer that question. I do not know and I have no way of knowing. Yet I sincerely doubt there is a heaven or a hell.

What do you think of other religions?

I believe religion is mans way of understanding God. Each person is different, and each person will understand God differently. This is wisdom at the core of all religious thought, because all religous thought seeks to understand the divine. Yet religion is based on man's ideas and should never be considered sacred, true, or absolute. I believe God must smile at the various ways we attempt to understand God.

Do you attend church?

Yes, when I wake up in time I attend Central Reconciling United Methodist Church in South Bend, Indiana. When I was in Anderson I attended Living Water Worship Center. I don't agree with either church in regards to religous matter. Central UMC is a gay-friendly liberal church. LWWC is a pentecostal conservative gay-ignoring church. Both are good churches and I enjoy attending there. Though I may not consider myself Christian at the moment, I enjoy thinking about the spiritual matters presented in church, and I believe the encouragement found in sermons is helpful regardless of spiritual belief.

In January of 1999 I decided I wanted to give up all meat and all dairy products. By February I had successfully stopped eating meat and I had considerably cut back on dairy products. By March I was almost totally vegan. I'm still not 100% vegan. I don't always worry about the ingredients of certain things I might order. If I'm making something myself I won't use dairy products, but if I'm eating out I don't usually ask "did they use eggs, butter, or milk to make this bread?" I still fall prey to ranch dressing even though it is made with milk. I never was big on salad, and ranch is still the only salad dressing I can stand, so I haven't found a replacement for it yet. Basically I cut out as much animal products from my diet as possible, but I'm not always 100% successful at it.

What things won't you eat?

I don't eat animal products. No meat. No milk. No eggs. No honey. And nothing made with any of that. No butter, ice cream, milk or yogurt. But there are animal-free replacements for most of that. Then there are of course things I don't like to eat, but I'll try most things. I'm not a big fan of oriental food.

Then what do you eat?

Pastas, vegetables, fruits, potato products, vegan replacements (veggie burgers, soy milk, vegan pepperoni, vegan cheese, etc). Lots of different vegetarian dishes--vegetarian pizza, chili, corn dogs, lasagna. Lots of stuff. My favorite is still spaghetti.

I working with a local Americorp program. I work at the South Bend Center for the Homeless at the front desk from 3 to 11 pm Sunday through Thursdays. Right now I'm in training.

[9/21/99] Where did you go to school?

I graduated from Elkhart Memorial High School in May of 1995 and headed for Anderson University the following August. I graduated from Anderson University in August of 1999. I majored in computer science and minored in writing. But my passion remains with social work.

What do you like to do for fun?

Watch movies, read books, chat online, talk to friends. I enjoy swing dancing, walks in the park, nature, big cities, secluded woods.

[9/21/99] What kinds of books/movies do you like?

I enjoy reading books and watching movies where the characters are some type of a minority. I enjoy gay-oriented books and films. I also enjoy books and movies that portray the african-american experience. I read a lot of non-fiction, but enjoy fiction as well. My favorite fiction author is Toni Morrison. My favorite nonfiction author is Brian McNaught.

Do you like any sports?

I'm not big on sports. But my favorite baseball team is the Seattle Mariners. I enjoy watching Tennis, but that's about it. I like to bowl, shoot pool, and play table tennis, but I wouldn't consider any of them to be sports.

[9/21/99] Are you into politices?

Yes, very much. I love politics. The ability to facilitate change for the better of society is something I take very seriously. Politically I'm a liberal. I believe standing up for the rights of minorities and those who have no or little political voice.

[9/21/99] Who would you vote for if the presidential election were held today?

My vote would probably go towards former senator Bill Bradley. His political beliefs most closely match my own. He is supportive of the gay rights movement. He supports more gun control, better public education, programs to reduce poverty and homelessness, and a lot more. If I had to guess who will win the election I would guess George W. Bush. I would never vote for Bush because of his anti-gay stances. I would vote for Al Gore only if he takes a firmer stance on gay rights and revokes his support for animal testing.