rambling written during crushes

what now?

 what now? they say surely
you must be over it by now?
what do they know?
what now? others have forced me to 
make the break i dreaded
the break from you.  how?
what now? i must mask 
my true feelings to fit in to
a world i don't belong in?
what now? to pray for an end
to it all before they poison even
you against me?
what now?

sunshine

sunshine, like you, takes away the pain

but when you leave, as i know you must

the pain returns like the rain

afterwards

i walk along the beach at sunrise
my memories walk at my side
memories of you
the only memories worth having
the most vivid
when we last were here
we walked along the waters edge
together, wavesw lapping our ankles
we both cried
salt water flowing into salt water
you held me
i cried more
you told me it would all be ok
it's not ok though 
is it
you've gone and there's nothing left
salt water flows from my eyes
the sea seems to be made up of tears
our tears
only my tears now
a seagull swoops overhead
like a free spirit
your spirit is free now
i miss you so much
yet i didn't want you to go on in pain
i don't want to go on in pain

bridge

when i'm alone

i'll never be lonely

for in my heart

i know you care

if it came down to it

we'd do anything for each other

well...i know i would

don't leave me

don't ever leave me

stick with me

like i stick with you

we are the two halves of a bridge

they should try to live my lifeour friendship is the cornerstone

holding us both together

we'd both collapse without it

if only you knew

if only you knew
yet i can't tell you
if you're one i'm the other
you knowing would do no good
it would only make it worse
if only you knew
how every touch reaches me
but if you knew you may
stop.  touching at all
it would make it worse
if only you knew
how i dream of holding you
what i dream of us together
but you must never know
it would only make it worse

move on

i know you don't care

so it's time to move on

to find someone else

who'll return my trust

although i'll never forget you

the second you call

i'll come running back

like i always do

return for another beating

copyright 1995, mandy



take me home...