Since the dawn of thinking man, humans have come to the age-old dragons for advice. I've assembled a collection of "Frequently Added Quips"--helpful comments scattered throughout conversations with answer-seeking humans. We're oft accused of being long-winded and vague, but I hope to help dispel this with DidgyFAQs.

1. Never date anyone with red, glowing eyes.

2. If someone asks you to hold something and then disappears, it's okay to put it down after 10 minutes, unless it may explode or bite you.

3. Never plant your river-fruit in the winter.

4. When attempting borrowing money, it is improper to lick the person.

5. When meeting your intended's parents for the first time, it is also improper to lick them.

6. Come to think of it, licking people is generally improper altogether, unless it has been expressly requested.

7. When polishing your rings, don't use your spouse's toothbrush (also: cleaning around the toilet, brushing a pet's teeth, etc.).

8. Let sleeping dogs lie, unless they're snoring, then toss a handful of pennies onto them and laugh when they jump.

9. Always wash your fruits and veggies before you eat them; you never know when a leper may have picked them.

10. If there's a hole in your gas tank, you can't hop under and weld it shut.

11. Don't ask a woman when she's due unless you're DARN sure she's pregnant in the first place.

12. Never try to vaccuum spilled Sweet-Tarts--they are lethal at 100 mph.

13. Look both ways before you cross the street, and also before telling politically incorrect jokes.

14. Don't lick popsicle sticks--you'll get splinters in your tongue.

15. Don't park under mulberry trees in the summer. If the berries don't get your car, the birds certainly will. Eew.

16. When bathing a cat, wear platemail.

17. When bathing a dog: strip, grab your shampoo, and hop on in; you'll be soaked when you're done, anyway.

18. Sticking beans up your nose might be fun, but it's hell getting them out again.

19. "Light duty" scrubbies can still scratch things.

20. If the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence, remember that growing things love water...it could be a swamp.

21. Join the war against earwigs.

22. Don't plant a tree within 20-30' of your house, unless you like branches on your roof or roots in your basement.

23. When attaching the step-up plate to your pop-up camper, don't jump up and down on it to make sure it's on right. This also goes for portable tree stands.

24. Take a walk in the rain.

25. Sniff a pretty flower.

26. Don't sniff a pretty flower if there is a bug in it, or it'll be crawling around your sinuses.

27. Wait until tomorrow to vaccuum, but do the dishes tonight.

28. Be a mercenary shopper--save those few extra bucks to have some fun, because food bring few long-lasting memories.

29. On the delicacy of calves tongue: "I'd never eat something that'd already been in something else's mouth."

30. Go barefoot more often, but check first for glass, fire ants, and thistles.

31. Don't mind those few stray dandelions; they're kind of pretty in their own way.

32. If you're out of dish soap, shampoo works in a pinch.

33. If you're unsure of the sex, try "He's a beautiful baby, isn't she?"

34. Roll down a hill.

35. Don't date anyone who has hit on your mother.

36. Kittens are cute, but remember that they metamorphis into cats.

37. If you hit an animal on the road, don't try to pick it up or you might get a set of teeth in your arm.

38. With twist ties (or duct tape), you can rule the world.

39. Suck your backwash off the can before returning it to the person who offered it to you. Make a loud slurping noise as you do this so s/he notices and appreciates your thoughtfulness.

40. Never hunt anything you don't intend to eat; run real fast from anything intent on eating YOU.

41. If an unsavory person hits on you at a bar, act crazy and that should scare him/her away. Eating a napkin is a good start.

42. Swim often.

43. Eat many pies.

44. Don't eat cow pies.

45. If faced with telling the truth or a white lie, tell the truth, but make her/him laugh and it'll comfort the person a bit.

46. Laugh often, and laugh hard.

47. When you catch a fish with big teeth, let your fishing partner get the hook out. Bwaa-haaa-haa!

48. Don't attempt to drink pop if you feel an impending sneeze.

49. If your new boss asks how you like it here, don't roll your eyes.

50. When feeding a baby red dragon, use a flame-retardant burping cloth.