| Disturbing quote: "This is Jen, but we call her Jen Tan for short." --Frank Not as bad, but still pretty odd. I think all things pertaining to me are disturbing. *sigh* Made it on Ali's Page--all the way on the end. Hey, it's something. *sigh* I had one more good thing to say, but I forgot it. Oh wait, this is something different but it works: I got over 5 people out in Dodgeball today!!! Yippie!!! That totally boosted my ego, and people are calling me mvp of gym (even tho some of the girls sorta say it contemptuously cause I don't deserve to be praised so, but I know it's true, so I don't mind). It's nice. People know my name. That's enough for me. Better than not existing altogether. At least I didn't get hit in the face with the ball while I'm dancing back onto the court. But then again, I don't know where the foul line is... (YES I DO!! I just choose to ignore it when it suits me...) Katie oughta get blogback. Even if it's just me that's replying *grin*. I'll do it everyday. Gives me a chance to sound intelligent. Oh I remember now--I always thought "Ubi" was that sweet purple crap that you guys like to eat--waaay too much sugar for me, lol. So it kinda confused me when it said "Dreamin' of Ubi" but I sorta ignored it because it's a weird person anyway. :) But now I confirmed it's not purple goo, it's alright now. I kinda guessed but had no clue why.... Guess you don't need to fit things to logic. "You believe that's the cause. That's good enough for me. Your theory was shaky to begin with. Why do you try forcing things into your Elene logic? That's what causes you so many problems with you, your god, and your religion." --Sephrenia I wish I had a cool styric name like Sephrenia or Aphrael. I'll name my cat(s) that. O.o |
| Lol -- everyone's coming up with a blog, so why even bother with seperate blogs? We should have one giant super-blog. (I was joking. Don't worry. Don't even think about it.) "Don't even think about it." I have to remember: ....where did all that come from???? Must be the cold that's making me upset. Right--don't meddle. I'll try to remember that. |
| Gosh, I must have the most boring long-ass posts in the world. Just a little comparing with other blogs to see my "competition". I'm a styric, it's in my blood. :P I know it's wrong--thoughts are supposed to come from you, and when you compare puritiy, all sorts of trouble can brew up. Best not do it. But I do whine and complain too much. I have to curb that. And it's not the first time my post was so long it was unreadable. Good somniactic treatment tho. Nitie nite. Lists are efficient. I'll try a list this time: |
| I completely forgot about secret santa. Well, not forgot--I know about it, but all the normal reactions that come with knowing it don't register. It's like those cartoon characters who hover for a couple seconds before plunging to earth. I still have to get something for my second recipient. I don't even know how I'll get there--no ride. And I'm so happy because Katie has a blog now: My humdrum existance :) Now I know the joy that is shameless advertising. :) |
| I don't know. I'm regressing. No one knows. I wish they did. They might be able to save me, depending on how I take the advice. But there is no advice, there is no help, there is no knowledge. I'm so sad. Partially because I'm turning, and also because of the me outside this, the still sane me watching the mad me taking over. I feel like a general watching his army being butchered and being able to do nothing about it. There's just simply not enough for me to do. There's loads of crap of stuff I don't want to do, but none that can keep me here. I'll go mad, I swear it. Ridalin. What a funny name. I can't afford it. I also can't afford to tell them I need it, or soon will. I'll stick it out to the end, and when they find out, it'll be too late. Or at least late enough for sane me not to know. The things I'll do for a hug right now--a real one. Doesn't have to be a huge hug, or a deep one, it could be the cheapest cheesiest hug in all of mankind, but as long as the person means it to be that way. I'm scared. I used to think I never knew what the word meant. Now I know better. Anyway, I have math homework and a Macbeth lines test to study for. I wish Joe were online. Then he can humor me with his seemingly effortless speech while I struggle to come up with every single sentence. Gives me something to do. 1) I'm lazy. I don't like work as it is. And the rest is just being unreasonable--bitchy. I've been turning more bitter, up to the point where I can see it. Mother's acting different around me. She's not yet afraid of me yet, but keep my behavior up and she will. Then dad'll take certain steps to stop or knock me off. After that, who know's what hell'll happen. I'm at home, so there's a certain way I think. Same goes for school, only I absolutely hate how I think at school. How can I help it? I can't. Work is usually limited to being the most efficient heartless robot I can be only for the opportunity to swamp myself in more work. I get a handsome "salary", so I guess it's all worth it. Hell, so far it's the greatest state of mind to be in compared to the other 2. I wonder if I should ask if anyone went to see JC. Prolly not, and when I get to chem lec or religion Sue 'n Ally'll be all over it, so why bother with my help? 5) I'm also not needed, no matter how much they lie about it. Melancholia's a form of madness. --Sephrenia, Little Mother of the Pandion Order. |
| Yes Shakespeare is over!!!! I am so incredibly happy--no more boring, painstaking, humiliating, horrifying, terrible rehearsals and shows!!! Yippie! I think this was Ally's strongest night--Brutus really kicked ass and was really mean and grouchy tonight. Sue was a little weak, but for what's she been doing straight through, I still think she was the strongest overall. Liz Mele rocks as Caesar with her "royal airs" nasal voice and Rachel's good for the parts given to Casca. I saw Joe, Mike, and Joe in the audience. There were probably more that I missed. I should've waved. Said hi. I planned to at the end of the show, but by then they were trying to hunt down Gen, Sue, and Ally, so who'm I to interfere? Anyway, I wanted to say congrats to Ally at least, b/c she wasn't surrounded by dominating people at the time. I could've in the gym, but Konnyu was next to her, and I kinda zipped by. I even got to go on stage--what a night. I didn't do anything though, except gonging and tromboning. I think it's pretty boring, but everyone's all hyped up about their parts, so.... Anyway, Joe's name got called up last. I think that was his high-point. He loves getting recognition, and he was really upity about how he deserved everything and everything. Then Gordon started talking about Funny Girl, and I'm like "Oh shit" right now. I terrified. What'll happen when he finds out I can't play it? That I'm not Ray, nor anywhere near Lisa's caliber (sad as it may seem). Maybe freshmean or even soph year, but now it's just too late. My gift's receding, despite all degrading attempts to salvage it. Frank and Joe are a real pain in the ass sometimes. This is the third night and they still haven't gotten over that "missing the gong" incident, which, mind you, happened over a week ago! They threatened to take it to the concert, but I plan to act all indifferent and maybe a little hurt and maybe they'll drop it. If Mr. D decides to play along and no one reacts to it--since half the band if comprised of new (sucky) people, I'm hoping that's the case. If not, I have a long year (or 2) ahead of me. Now to do some homework. Math. *sigh |
| Okay -- I'm combing the Sparhawk novels for quotes that I'm too tired to understand. Maybe now would be a good time to pick up a good scifi book. I just need rest to be able to understand the crap I want to. Maybe Frank's right: I demand to do something, and then turn around, refuse that job, and demand something higher. "Quit yer bitchin'". I wish this would all just stop and go away. I'll never live out that gong incident. Never. Ever. In a million years. It's one thing to know something, it's quite another to hear it being bluntly thrown into your face. Geez. What a sucky yet fun day. Oy... Nitie Nite. Naptime. Peace out. Sayonara. Tzai tzien. Oh sege na. Ciao. Bye. |
| Tonight I guess this seals me as a part in the in crowd. I don't want to be filled with the prejudices of other groups, though their deception is highly attractive to me, and it'd be easy to claim stupidity and shrug it off. I say this because there are two almost important people in my life that are nice within themselves but turn into some kind of monsters when they're with their groups. In fact that happens with lots of people; guess I don't care about them as much. Anyway--I'm becoming nice friends with Melissa, Steven (and his chica), Orama, Joe and the whole bunch. I'm making pretty sure to expell one of these airs I carry around--insurance, you see. So I put on the most empty-headed look on my face, raise my voice to the highest octaves I can carry, and smiled until my cheeks hurt, and even giggled like I didn't know what they were talking about. Cheery. I think they liked me, but just the right amount. Melidere: Why, milord, I have no idea what you're talking about. That wasn't an exact quote--I tried paraphrasing the scraps I could salvage. But I totally sympathize with Melidere's attitude, if not her personality. I do it almost every day, and it's killing me. Oh well. So far it hasn't, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. lol. David Eddings makes the greatest quotes I've ever seen. There's one from The Sapphire Rose with Ulath telling Sparhawk how blowing into a girl's ear makes her follow one around, all while Sephrenia's making strangling noises in the back. lol. |
| I'm impressed. Thanks for everyone's emails. They don't change anything btw, so don't worry about me maddenly shifting my personality. Everything proceeds as if nothing changed. |
| And I just find out that we're not celebrating xmas this year b/c everyone has no job. |
| Yes! A text counter script that does what I tell it to and no crappy links! It's funny how I get into the strangest fights for the strangest reasons. I can easily stretch the fight up to over a month over something as silly as sending an email (and I've done it before just to see where it'd've gone) but I'm just too tired to keep up a good arguement on my half. Or eating, or wearing clothes. It seems that she likes to pick fights for the most minute insignificant reasons, like she's looking for something to argue about. I wish I could be more patient with these people. It's one thing to deserve something, it's quite another to take what you have. Then people get to compliment you not only on your qualities, but how you take what you have rather than demand what you deserve. Today I'll be leaving unreasonably early for JC. Joey's picking me up, and he shows up at like 5 to 5:30. So that's when I have to get ready. I sorta hoped mom would be out of the house all day. It's hard to keep the veneer of seeming indifferently uncaring internally rambling about punctually getting ready at the same time. That was a mouthful. ... I always claim I can never like a popular band. But I really like weezer. For no reason. I like them. They sound good and I can understand the lyrics. People don't understand how foreigners think. I think in a different language, in fact, I think in several. While some might see that as an advantage, I've never really thought of myself as "being home" simply because I don't have one. At the same time I have many more than others do. I just don't know mine as well as you know yours. Recently I've been catching myself thinking more and more in american, and that's something I definitely do not want to happen. Skor! S-K-O-R-exclamation point! ... I'm already picking up bad habits on my own. I don't need expert instruction on how to do it. |
| ~ Warning: Long and pointless post ~ Shadowmancer7: God, how long does it take you to reply to an email? That last one was like a month ago. Anyway, I still haven't started Dragonsong yet, and it looks like I never will. You won't be seeing your book for a long time, let's just hope I don't lose it. Anyway, anymore news will be in that email I sent you. Problems that cool things cause: I got my mp3 player. It's a nice sony one, and it doesn't bounce and jump and skip a lot, or so they'll have me believe. Never mind that, I'm just ecstatic now, so as long as this is within my reach I'll be happy. Wish I could bring it to school, but seeing as I can't do something as easy as read a book in school without people pestering me, what good is a kid-magnet mp3 player? I feel like the sticky tape you use to catch flies. Of Flies & Things: About flies--there was one in my room for the past 3 days and I never got around to killing it. I tried to use a nifty trick my friend taught me, but I didn't have the right kind of aerosol hairspray--only the environmental watery kind--so it didn't work as well. Then I tried to use lemon-flavored disinfectant because that was aerosol. Didn't work, either didn't stick at all or the trick doesn't work at all... I finally settled the old-fashioned way of using a stack of paper to smack him against the wall. I'm a stickler for tradition, I guess. Julius Caesar--again: Still feel awful about not being able to do more in JC. I mean, I'm supposed to know music, or that's the role I was led to believe that I hold. *cringe* Mr. Konnyu's words still sting me even up to a week from that last rehearsal. Geez. I didn't even want to hit the triangle or gong the end. And I might've screwed up Brutus's death by not hitting hard enough. That reminds me: I have to tell them about the dumb girl who made Brutus's death scene into a joke with her empty-headed look. Time for that later. Mine own antisocial I wish someone would im me. Just to say hi for no reason. They don't even have to stay a while, and can stop the struggling conversation whenever they felt like it. Guess it's my demeanor that kills it. No one wants to say hi to a "block, stone, and senseless thing". Some do. Katie does. But I have to concede that she really isn't as ideal as a conversationalist for me as I'd like. Mr. Alfonzo was at opening night. I didn't say hi to him. I think he knew who I was when I blurred by and half-expected me to say hi, but after the first time I didn't say anything I think he got the idea. I wish I could be one of those people who could randomly say hi for no reason. It'd make this a hellova lot easier on me. Uh oh, Jen's been reading Reading another DE series--Elenium/Tamuli. I seem to be addicted to those works, and they don't seem as redundant as the Planet Garion series. Can't stand redundancy... Anyway. I sorta skimmed and bounced around (to good parts I'd say, but the whole work is one huge good part, it was pretty random). I like Aphrael, but she seems more human that divine, especially with all those limitations of hers. Whatever makes a good story. Funny how Sparhawk--Anakha--ended up with more power than her, and then gave it back. Bhelliom's not a heartless freak afterall, and even has somewhat a sense of humor. Sephrenia didn't seem like the same person after coupling, and neither did Kalten. They're still both cool, but cheapened in their repectful powerful domains. The Kalten-Sephrenia scene we're he's using his dumbness to shield himself from her "wounding words" was great. He knows that she doesn't mean it, so pays no heed to it, and plunges on talking about stupid things until she pours out with all this rage about how she did unspeakable regretful things to Vanion. Meanwhile, this guy's here saying not to scratch herself because "[he] found out how sharp they were a little while ago" (he has scratches all over his face right now). Then she finally decides to apologize for her behavior and they get to save the world. I still think Ehlana's the most useless character in the whole series, which is odd considering the whole purpose of the first set was to save and restore her to her rightful position. But look, the condition of the Elene throne was fine when they killed Annias and his consorts. They could've left it at that, but then all the corrupt church clergy and high lords'll take over and all will go to hell unless they save Ehlana. But after they save her, competant people who never even needed the queen start popping up all over the place, esp. Dolamant. Where the hell was he hiding when they needed his help? There's just no consistancy, but I guess you need convincing inconsistancy to work out a good story that no one predicts. Ha. Anyway, Xantia as the anti-Sephrenia didn't work to well. I liked her character, and would've adored it had they either placed her in a different world (novel) or designed her so she wasn't the anti-Sephrenia. All that did was make her look like an Angel when Sephy's being a bitch about how they killed her family, blah blah blah... Overall a nice series, but Talen lost his edge, and sadly so did Aphrael. Ehlana became a cumbersome piece in the story, and Sephrenia caused more problems in the Tamuli than she helped with (unlike the Elenium where she was absolutely vital). Vanion got cooler, and it's a draw between E-Vanion or T-Vanion, simply because of his lack of mention in the Elenium. I'm sure he would've been cool had DE included him more. Anyway, he's reasonable compared to Sephy, so I'm not complaining. Emperor S---something was another Ehlana, and I think existing only to contrast their different politics and ways of running a country. That's what I liked the most--the diversity and how people could live with it. If you're prejudiced, fine. If you're gonna fight for unity, don't mush them together in a rush, and for god's sake, don't mess things up by offending both parties at the same time. Stragen was only fun for his speeches--I wish I could copy or memorize some of them to deliver to some choicy people I meet, but they're too long. Short for how much truth they hold, though. I wish Ulath was more important, I really do. I like his personality. Same with Tynian. lol. I wish he had the same problem Berit has, except he knows how great he looks, and Berit's like a clueless rock standing there wondering why there're girls fawning over him. I don't wish for another series, but I wish they unwrit this and replace it with a more thought-out one. They were lucky with Planet Garion where they had 10-12 books to explain the depth of the world, and worldy matters weren't that important, even disdained when compared to important matters of "the other world". lol. I'm so weird, I actually like this stuff. So it's hard talking about worldy matters. But I like the direction he takes it in, and I wish he'd devote more time to it. I really oughta get a copy of High Hunt or The Losers, but I haven't even tried yet, simply b/c there's so much more other stuff to do. Ugh, what a mess. Father: Take it one step at a time. That didn't really happen. Just felt right putting it there. In the end, everything I typed was a load of crap, wasn't it? |
| I'm reading everyone's blogs, and it seems they all have something important to say. I'd like to reply, and maybe I should've replied to Joe's blog, but now it seems to late. To do so when he first sent me the link would've been too early and presumptuous, and he already has his own group-gumi there to dump whatever support juice he needs. So who am I to interfere in matters that don't concern me, that I don't understand? That's called meddling, from the way I was brought up--heavy meddling, and to be avoided lest you become a bad person and rejected. But then again, I'm always rejected, so the idea shouldn't repel me, should it? It's like a Jen-repellant. Look. *waves drumsticks around as Jen cringes* --Frank |
| Wow. Mr. Konnyu must hate me, but if he did, he sure did a good job of hiding it. Not that I didn't do my own part to stay avoid him--practical measures, see. But I'm still terrified of him, and there's tomorrow and the next night to consider. He wanted to know why people were laughing at Brutus's death scene. I asked, and mom said it was because Cassius's death was so dignified looking (and the soldier who helped him), and the soldier who "aided" Brutus really sucked. Like she was thrown on stage and didn't know how she got there, just staring around at the edges of the theater. I have to remember to tell Joey to tell Mr. Konnyu, so that he can tell the girl to stop acting like a dope. Act like soldiers, don't make your voice sound all girly, and for god's sake, walk like a soldier. I didn't mess up, but then again, I didn't do much. I durst not touch the gong again, lest I screw up the ending bong. Oy geez, was I bored. At least I would've like parts I could handle, but if I can't handle a crash or a bong, what good am I for a normal part? That's their logic, or what I think of it. Blah. I'm just glad first night's over and people clapped, and the bowing music was good, and everyone liked it. Katie and Michelle even came up to the pit, even when Joey was making strangling noises and gesturing them to get out. lol. They even said I was really good, even when I know they're just being nice. I think I'm allergic to percussion instruments. I mean, I can't even bong the gong or crash the cymbal right. --Me. |
| Template test 1. |
| The layout's been bothering me for quite a while, and I was up to my usual "suck it up" ranting. Well, no, I won't suck it up, especially when I can easily change it. Referring to the quote on the side: No, I can't hit a cymbal. Not because it's not my job either, but I said that to stop you and to save myself from hours of ranting. I am a block, I am a stone, and god, I wish I were a senseless thing. But I'm not. I nearly toppled from that blow. I cared about toppling when it'd be a lot better not to. I cared. Why? All these questions unanswered, and I still feel uneasy about them. And damn Dreamweaver never opens to the window size I ask it to! Grr.... |
| My personality sucks. I'm screwed up in the head. And my previous entry wasn't finished btw. On the plus side I bought a new mp3 player. For myself. With my own money. With no one's permission. Oh dear, how'm I gonna keep this one up? I'm pretty sure mom's gonna have a fit when she finds out, but it's not even getting yelled at that's the problem. Winning an arguement with her is relatively easy, but it's not who wins that counts in our arguements. I'll forever be the one that doesn't listen, or the disobedient one, or the one who lacks character, or the reckless young one--the list goes on--to both my mom and dad. But it's my dad that really frightens me. I dunno why. I should know him better than anyone else. Better than my mom, even. I never really talked to him, and our usual exchange of words seem to be out of necessity. I'm sad from this, but not because of it. Confusing, huh? And he doesn't even beat me or anything, so I shouldn't be worried. Hardly even yells at me, but he glares whenever I'm around. Or maybe all the time, but I'm not around to see, am I? But I'm so afraid of him. I dunno why. I want to hate him, but I can't. I'm afraid of him, but I'm also afraid for myself, and if I got rid of that part of me, I'm sure I can do it--make the break. But I can't, not now at least. I think feeling a little something helped me. So it makes sense that if I feel more, I can make even more sense of what I've been lost in. Don't think, just feel. Anyway, to the nameless (and reckless) one who confronted me: Back to my mp3 player: Konnyu's rehearsal was horrible. 2 people in the pit. 2!!! When we need 8 instruments covered! And I screwed up Caesar's death in Act One, so Mr. Konnyu aimed all his fury and frustration at me, in a mass of yelling from his word-horde. Scared 10 years off my life--seriously, I really wouldn't be surprised if I died 10 years earlier than I was supposed to because of that. Looks like that offended him to no end, and I won't ever be asked to do his dirty work for him, ever! Yippie! On the minus side, now I'll get dirty looks from him everytime I pass him. Which is 2-3x everyday, from the before class and lunchtime. Honestly, I thought I would start dribbling tears, and I bit my cheek, and think it's infected now. Pretty deep bite--didn't think the wound would last this long. Anyway, I didn't do anything for Act Two. Probably b/c he wouldn't let me, and I'm too scared to do my part that I messed up the rehearsal before. Gosh, something's happening to me and I'm becoming less and less competant. Terrified now. Amanda and the other snare-boy was alright--better than me in fact. And I guess now she's the co-leader of the pit, and I'm the one who mops the floor after the mess. A janitor. And practicing bows, OMG, Inverno and Konnyu screaming at the cast: I hate bows! If by some chance you have something good, the bows ruin everything. C'mon rush rush! Bows are a part of your show! Anyway, I think I might've just earned some insurance for my previous wish. Or maybe even the whole wish. This worries me even more for the actual musical Funny Girl. I'm sooooo scared..... And I can't even play one song correctly yet. I wish I had more time, and that Mr. Dalton looked eye to eye with me on how I interpret music. Holes for all kinds of messes when people can't even understand the basic views of each other... Strange how I don't wish to feel better, but someone who understands. Gets it. I even like suffering, if someone just gets it. *sigh* Stop talking, you're wasting my oxygen. Am I? And I suppose I'm wasting the energy in this world by typing this? Okay then. |
| It's only 7 but it feels like 10. I haven't done any homework yet. And I have to replace Brandon's red tic tacs because I wolfed his all down. I'll never hear the end of that one. What a nice locker partner to have. I'm lucky to be surrounded by such nice people at my locker. I dunno. Just feel like giving a shoutout (or whisper) to Katie, Shawn, and Brandon. They prob don't even know. lol It's okey. Then I have to remember to hand in my CSAC cards and pick up my placemats. Then study for my math test which I have no clue about and show work for physics. I'll probably end up copying Mike or Joe's. I'm lucky to be around those two also. I'll drive myself mad. I'm sure it's not as bad as people say it is. Anyway, everyone who says that isn't crazy, so how'ld they know?
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| And all this time I thought she didn't like me. Not to sound aloof or anything--- I'm dying. Soon the me that was here before will be replaced by another me. It's all a progression of steps. In the most extreme interpretation, every decision or tendency to choose will change me, will be a step. I'm dying. The unflawed me. Replaced by a something I don't believe in. Rational thought doesn't require belief in anything. Our president is such a freak about little things like that. So's a huge chunk of our population--leading me to deduce that we deserve all this crap that's been happening to everyone...and more. They can take it, much more than this, this is chicken fodder to them. And they have less, and we have so much more. We deserve all this. Don't complain. In fact, feel lucky; we deserved worse. So I shouldn't complain. Or argue. Or devise this whole mess of a contraption to others (and myself) to make others believe my phantom "wisdom". Or intelligence, intellect, brightness, mind, wit, anything that I presently claim that I have. Who really knows if I actually did have it before? All I know is that I believed that I did. Thought I did. Now I wouldn't be surprised if someone walked up to me and told me no, for 3 reasons: Everything I say, think, breathe, do, is false or has the ability to be. It's pointless to hunt these things down, because of my involvement in them, they're automatically subjective, and therefore unreliable. Same goes for anyone else. All things are subjective. It's pointless. Don't you know, the only reason anything is anything, is because that's what we want it to be. A simple thought. Proving it to other people who refuse to see the damn thing obviously won't get it. Like gravity. Try explaining that to an alien that plugs his ears and argues everytime you open your mouth. That's sorta like what Christians are. Geez. A 4 year old can understand what I'm talking about. Why can't you? [ That's another thing. 4-year-olds are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. ] We even make excuses for that statement in brackets but I won't go into that right now. Anyway, they really are. They can understand and accept vague statements like that. They know when to say "I don't know", and are open to the possibility to sincerely and soothfully learn. They know nothing is impossible and yet, everything is. I'm not thinking straight. I prefer sharp short fits of madness to prolonged doubt. I hate this. Myself. |
| I'll advertise a little also. Strange how we all used to faggy purple template that's cool the first time we see it. I changed mine, as you can see *gestures at color change*. I'll include the link later. The network scares me. I want to earn its benefits. |
| I wish I had a faster printer. The ones that print a page a second, you know. Too bad I can't sign on to help out w/ physics (not that I'd be much help anyway...) and I'm not really looking forward to tonight's rehearsal. And I don't get math, I won't do the history definitions, I might bring them to rehearsal, I don't get math, I have to memorize those x-amount of lines for the retake. Duh. I hate this. She totally knew we were cheating. She glued her snout onto our faces and frickin went to the back "to grab a dictionary". To make things worse, all of us stared at her. Geez. We're telling her "don't give it to us tomorrow". This is what happens. We're not dumb, and we know our limits. Better than she does. Anyway. What a pain. Seems the only thing I've been proud of recently is gym. Pathetic. And it's the work of my group. Even worse. There's nothing I can do that I'm proud of myself. Nothing. It's always, "what kind of friends can you make" or "know how to look the part" or "be cool with the in crowd" and whatever. Geez. I haven't yet accomplished anything on my own. And whatever I have, isn't really worth anything. Valueless. Cheap. Those who I conquered or overtaken aren't really good subjects to overtake. Geez. What a day. "Oh happy day...." Yea. Off to rehearsal in 30 min. Bring physics, sparknotes, Hist def. Math'll have to screw itself for now. Hahaha. "I ran before I rose." That's hilarious. |
| The AnC soundtrack is eerie. I like it so far, as long as I haven't overplayed it yet. I esp. like Heaven and Earth, Against the Light, Scarlet version II, Cross my Heart, and everyone loves Scarlet. Of course you throw in Beat of the Moment and Skylarking for humor. The "survivor" rhythm is frighteningly catchy. I hope it's not just me, and yet for the sake of mankind, I do hope it's just me.... |
| I've decided on a course of action: Concentrate on the History and especially Physics Tests. Ignore the Latin test. There'll be a make-up anyway, and if not, who cares? Look into MacBeth and Math for Wed (the dressdown day btw). Either do the Math Hw now or at school. Remember to buy new plastic folders so they don't rip and fall out of my binder. --Do History....now. Caesar, Music(als), and other things Signing off. To study for history. Yeah. Oh, and all I need left is Ep 14 and my AnC set is complete to copy and sell. I'm so cheeky. I wish I never knew that this crap could sell so easily. :P It's money, no matter how you look at it. |
| Darn, don't you hate it when someone takes your name? Aol sn, alias, nickname, anything? I guess it's not mine really. And given by the blindies, so I guess that's really all my fault. Alas woe is me. (again). So I guess out with the not-so-old, in with the unpleasant stink of newly wrapped plastic, for a newly wrapped name. |
| Looks like aesthetics won over self-improvement. Away with embarrasing myself reading neverending week-old posts, and settling for nice short daily posting again. There's gotta be something good about that... |
| Regrets and Too-Late Head Smacks 1.) Yes, I finally have most of Ayashi no Ceres. Only four more ep to go. 2.) I have 4 major tests on Tuesday. 3.) I should have gone to the Cotillion. It'd've been nice to go with Mike, Joe, Sue, Ally, whoever, to another attempt at "movie night". 'Tseems that unimportant things tend to be the most important of all. 4.) I should've taken the good day off to study MacBeth and one of the subjects, most likely history's first 15 amendments. 5.) I don't know why I stressed over a favor I was doing for someone I didn't know. Online. Technical stuff. Capping subtitles for the AnC show. Geez, must've taken 10 years off my life. 6.) I could've fixed my blog (again) or fixed my friends (that looks like a tornado came and blew it up). Done something productive, something written, materialistic, as proof that I didn't waste my time [life]. Homework. Or learn, and show others, as proof written in their memories that I did something. 7.) Prevented this complaing. I definitely wish I'd done that. 8.) I feel ill. I drank lots of sprite and it didn't seem to help. 11.) Gosh, piano lessons really sucked today. I'm waiting for when she decides to give up on me. Hopefully next year, or even better, later of this one. I'm worried that I might give her a heart attack or something. She used to be so proud of me too. How many times do I have to mess up before I recognize failure? 'Tis said that perseverence and patience will get you anywhere, meaning: I hold out until I win, or die. Either release will be fine. They're both equal. The magnitude, the patience I put into it, was the same. == |