Round 4:

 Pitch: Too hard just in front of goal.

Lights: On

Prickles: At least one bastard behind the southern fence

Match Report:
Well, the game started off in unusual fashion. I was still at home. But thanks to Eroy (who acted upon persistent nagging from Mezza), I had hopped in the car and was about to head to the ground. The whistle blew and I was immediately on the attack - out of the driveway and a hard right. At the ground, I'm led to believe that Rob beat 25 men and slotted home in the first 5 minutes. He was later to attempt the same feat. {Postscript- What really happened was that Ray tore down the left…chipped in a cross that was so good it beat everyone, Mezza vollyed it back to Rob who slotted it home}

Meanwhile, all lights were red even the green ones. But eventually Dave arrived at the ground after suffering a nasty injury from the aforementioned prickle. With the game barely as old as some of the spectators, the drought which had come to be known as Merrick was over. About to be nicknamed Sahara, Mezza latched on to a great through ball from Rob I think (so he told me but he could've been lying) and slammed home. There was more relief on Mezza's face than you'd find in a toilet after a near bladder explosion. Nonetheless, not only was Mezza's drought broken, but it was about to rain goals for Rangers.

As you can guess from the team names, Thistle and Rangers, this was a derby. But it was a game of one half. With an intermission. Rangers dominated and it wasn't long before John slid in for his first and Rangers third. This time from a lovely pass from Mr Birthday Boy, Ray.

Thistle did get one back after rounding Eroy but all in all the defence was solid as a very solid thing. Rock perhaps. But not one of those easily chipped rocks. More like those big boulders. Other highlights or at least lights of some description were a Dave lob which bounced over the bar and Rob mesmerising everyone with a run which was so easy he stopped in front of goal said "bugger the shot", I'm going to beat some more. But Dave stopped this nonsense by blasting higher than Cheech and Chong.

Intermission came and went much like one of the Thistle players. After a tackle on Mez which even in league was head high, their player made another rash challenge and was shown the red card. "Screw you guys I'm going home" must have been what he said as he attempted to take the ball with him. Playing against ten men for the second week in a row, Rangers lifted with five second half goals. Three from John including an absolute cracker with the outside of his left from 25 yards out. Worst pass you've seen. Rob set the scene in the second half with a searing header.

Ray chipped in with a goal to celebrate his thirtieth birthday. But it was a dominant performance all over the park. Andy was running riot down the left. And Chris and Russ had more ball than Ted's zipper in "There's Something About Mary".

The full time whistle put an end to proceedings as it usually does. Well, except for the beer drinking. The full time whistle starts that off.

Quote of the week:
Marko: "Someone in the crowd over there must know Mezza. They shouted 'Run Merrick'"
Dave: "They must know him really well"

Team: Eroy, Jimmy, Andy, Russ, Froggi, Pete, Harry, Nick, John, Rob, Marko, Chris, Mezza, Ray, Dave.