KIOSK IN CHAOS - SUNDAY SEPT 22nd

SOUTHDOWN RANGER 3 SPORTING CLUB KIOSK 1

WARNING DONKEYS AHEAD

If Sporting Club Kiosk were a famous personality they would be Monica Lewinsky. Destined to be famous but fat wheezy and when it comes down to eat she really just sucks. If Sporting Club Kiosk were a brand they would be Wash & Go, high expectations to begin with but unable to sustain a decent lead in the face of even limited opposition. If Sporting Club Kiosk were a football team they would be Sporting Club Kiosk, first to score, plainly the better side, losers by full time.

EXCUSES

What on earth possesed Kiosk to throw away the lead in such a slapdash manner. Many pundits have their personal opinions. Which will be explained graphically below.
THE THIN PICH THEORY
There are those that believe the home pitch was too narrow. This theory expands in the following way. Because of the distinctive playing nature of the Sporting Club Kiosk team, a thin pich will not allow for the mid-field (Jam packed with jostling mid pitch dynamos) to break free and display their creative accumen. Because the pitch was consecutively too narrow, this prevented both the well ordered defense and the pacey strike force from breaking free with the ball and tearing down the pitch with the wind in their hair. Because the white lines around the pitch were too thin, the ball that should rightly have gone out of play/stayed in play and worked against us. And because the pitch sloped in a north-south direction and was orientated at 78 degrees to the magnetic pole, the ball curved mid flight causing loss of pace/too much speed, lack of accuracy and other infuriating quantum mechanical distractions.
The Validity of this theory is classified as 45%
ZAID ALQASSAB MISSING THEORY
It is actually true that Zaid Alqassab was not playing for the Sporting Club on Sunday 20th September around 10.30--12.15 in the vicinity of Wandsworth Common. It is also true that if you had to define the pivotal role which he plays for the team it would have to be 'defender'. One can't deny that SCK let in 3 goals and this was not in part to do with sloppy defending. Whether or not Zaid would have got in the way of that or any other attempt on the home goal is one we may question but may never answer. If pushed for an answer though the most likely response would have to be NO, it might have been much worse.
The Validity of this theory is 1%
NO SHOTS ON GOAL THEORY
It has not been missed by this sharp eyed commentator that there were no shots on the opposition goal during any of the minutes of normal play. Peter Haden did however shoot and score during warm up which the strikers like to count as a moral victory if nothing more. The 3-1 scoreline does actually flatter Sporting Club implying in whatever small way that shots were thundering in and the opposition were lucky to parry them away majestically. This is clearly not true and may account for the loss of game more than any other factor. In 270 minutes of play the 2 'not so good strikers' have scored 1 goal between them. In a league which expects an entry point of 10-8 1 goal is simply never going to be adequate.
The Validity of this theory is 99%
THE RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY THEORY
There should always be one of these. In Sorting Club Kiosks case the right wing has been blamed through lack of consistancy. Who should one pass to? Not knowing who will be there from one week to the next makes for confusion and mis-understanding. Will it be Enrico, Stuart, Jon, Mick, Nick ,Paddy or Dave? Practicing as a team makes this theory less of a threat but substitutions on the flank are always dangerous.
Validity of this theory is 56.6%
IN SUMMING UP
Sporting Club need to keep focused not just for the first 10 but for the next 10 and the ensuing 25 in a minimum of the first 2 halves. If they can do this in combination with a goal tally that continues to match the best recorded by the opposition plus 1 then they have a chance of winning. Perhaps it is these simple maths which confuse the SCK boys. I personally blame lack of pace on the pitch for the second half of both the last 2 games. These boys are heavy and need speed up front when the opposition is flagging.
KEY HIGHLIGHTS
JC brought down for a penalty.
It wasn't a penalty in practice but the crowd went home with the picture firmly embedded in their minds of a spectacular penalty that never was, blasted gloriously high and wide of the crossbar.
Defense parting like the red sea.
Wayne Sleep would have been proud of the noncey but balletic manner in which the defense let the opposition run right past them. Carefully pointing out the undefended net in case they missed their criminally easy attack on goal.