Butt-Man!
By "Ren"
It was just an average 6:00a.m.
morning in New York City, when Wilson
Rumpelstein, a proctologist, woke up
for work. Nobody knew that he was
Butt-Man, the super hero who had a
super-butt, who saved people as a
part-time-job.
When he arrived at his office,
he had many patients. He gave a
couple enemas, pulled forbiddin objects
out of peoples' butts, did feces
examinations, the usual day at work.
After work, he went home and
started watching TV on his favorite
toilet seat. Then a special news
report came on:
"A woman is on top of her house,
threatening to jump... on a plunger
handle! Will the police rescue her
in time before she suffers the ultimate
pain?"
Wilson stood up. "I cannot tell
a lie," he said, "for if my name isn't
Wilson Rumpelstein, I shall save that
young lady! This looks like a job
for...BUTT-MAN!!!!"
With those words, he magically
transformed into Butt-Man, the caped
crusader with super human butt powers.
He quickly jumped out the window,
and with amazing fart strength, he
flew full speed to the scene of the
crime.
Police were trying to convince
the lady not to jump when Butt-Man
arrived. "I'll handle this," said
Butt-Man, as he took the mega-phone.
"Hey lady," Butt-Man said in the
mega-phone, "you don't deserve this
fate! You can still live a good life."
"Oh, I have too many problems!
I have to be my own therapist, and
no boys want to go out with me because
I'm fat & ugly!"
"Hey! The only problem you have
is a severe case of cranial-rectumitis.
And besides, it's not like
you're going to jail or anything...
you'll only stay in a mental
home for the rest of your life,
and eat creamed corn with
my favorite side dish: Brown
Boston Baked Beans!"
"Beans???"
"Aaaahhh!!!!! I'm afraid
of beans!! I'm gonna end
it all!!"
After that comment, she jumped.
With Butt-Man's quick thinking, he
emitted one of his most potent farts.
This turned the plunger handle into
saw-dust, and the lady landed safely
on the lawn. She looked baffled.
Butt-Man turned to thank the
noble police officers, but his toxic
gas had knocked them out.
He flew home, took off his uniform,
and went to lay down in his bedroom-bathroom.
He fell asleep...
He dreamed that some evil
pairs of underwear broke in the city
bank. They went in the safe and
started to loot all the money. It
was dark, and nobody was around. The
clock on the wall said 12 o'clock
midnight...
He woke up with a fart!
It was dark, and his clock said
11:55p.m. "This is a sign!"
he yelled.
Wilson went to the city bank,
arriving at about 12 o'clock midnight.
He looked inside, and saw some evil
pairs of underwear looting all the
money!
He called 911 on the pay-phone.
"911 Emergency. What's wrong?"
"Put the commissioner on the phone!
I'm at the city bank!! Some evil pairs
of underwear are looting all the
money!!!" *click* "Hello?
Hell-ooooo!" He was on his
own.
"I cannot tell a lie," he said, "for
blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-
BUTT-MAN!!!!" He transformed into Butt-Man,
and burst into the bank.
"Halt!" he yelled. "You're dealing with
Butt-Man here!" The underwears began to run
off. "Stop, in the name of the bung!" he yelled,
as he chased after them. He took a leap of faith,
and landed on the underwears with his fat butt.
The police came in later to examine for
clues. They wanted Butt-Man to leave, but he
stayed anyway. They were about to give up,
when Butt-Man noticed a name engraved in a pair
of underwear. It was Buttworth Weisenheimer,
the richest man in the city, and founder of
the underwear company.