O.J.'s Revenge
By Darion
It was a clear, sunny day atO.J.'s hideout in Seattle. He was watching the 12:00 news while sitting in his all-leatherrecliner chair. He stood up halfawake in his all-fur nightgown andwent down the hall to get a MountainDew. He was living in a small butexpensive house, which he bought forjust under a million dollars. He had a nice Dodge Viper and a B.M.W. in the garage. He went into his glass and marble kitchen and opened the refridgerator. A cool splash of air ran a chill through his spine. He got a nice, cold, soothing Mountain Dew, and closed the fridge door. He carefully opened the can so he wouldn't chip a nail. He wanted to go out of town for a day to play golf. He looked out of his porch and looked over the great city of Seattle. He went back inside to put
on his golfing pants and his shirt. *SIP!* "Ah, that hit the spot,"O.J. said. He threw away the Mountain Dew can and turned off the T.V. Just then, he heard some sirens off in the distance. O.J. ignored them, turned off all of the lights,and got his golf clubs. The sirens got closer, closer,and then........ (Tempting, huh?)That's when he heard the mega-phone: "O.J. Simpson, this is the Seattle police! Come out with your hands up, a Diet-Pepsi... and somethingwith coconut in it." "Holy $#@t!!! How the hell did they find me?!?" O.J. rushed into the garage and got his keys from the key-holder-thing. O.J. had a great decision to make- the Viperor the B.M.W.? "O.J., we know you're in there!" O.J. was thinking hard now. "Well, the Viper has the power,but the B.M.W. has the class. The B.M.W." O.J. jumped into his B.M.W.and slammed the stick in reverse.*CRASH!!!*
O.J. smashed through his carved-outwood garage door. "Nooooooooo!" O.J. yelled, realizing the cash gone to waste. He spun around and went over the lawn, through his plastic sheep-herd, and out into the street. "After him!!" The police catapulted to their cars and were on a close chase behind O.J. O.J. had another problem: what music to play? He hadmany CD's in his car, but which one? The cops already were close behind him. He closed his eyes and picked one, "Classical Thunder". He liked that one and pushed it in the CD player. The police were in their cars,jeeps, vans, trucks, motorcycles,and even horses, chasing after him. Helicoptors were hovering over the B.M.W. O.J. was hungry, so he pulled outa banana and some orange juice. O.J. made a quick dash for the interstate turn off, but there was a duck crossing with its young. O.J. was finishing his banana while zig-zaging throughall the intersections and gas stations and Kwik -E- Marts. Good thing he had a full tank. A cop on a horse made a dash for the B.M.W. going at about 40mph. O.J. saw the cop, took the last bite of his banana, and threw the banana peel out the window. The horse then slipped on it, and the cop flew off and landed in a tar pit, with the horse sliding into him. O.J. laughed and took a sip of his orange juice. The helicoptor was high above because of the trees. Suddenly, the helicoptor went intoa spin, and then took a nose dive toward the ground. The pilot jumped out just in time. As the helicoptor crashed into a Radio Shack, the pilot landed on a K-Mart. O.J. was now heading to the bad part of Seattle, where all gangs,rappers, and minorities hang out. O.J. stopped on the street and told a black guy to get all his buddies and beat up the cops. Of course, the guy said yes to O.J. Everybody loved O.J. there, so the gangs got ready with their beer bottles, guns,and rocks and waited for the cops.O.J. drove happily down the street, finishing his orange juice, and waited for the cops. The cops were right behind O.J. when... "LET'S GET THEM!!!!!!"All the gangs from about 3 miles crammed into 6 blocks and started to thrash the cops. O.J. started to laugh. "Kill them!!" a gang member yelled. The cops started to throw tear gas and started to shoot gun sat them. Everyone was having a major battle for the freedom of O.J., and they loved it. One guy had a chainsaw and chainsawed a cop and his horse, but then he was ran over by a bulldozer. The police were over powered by thousands of gangs. The police had no choice but to call th army. Within 20 minutes, helicopters, tanks, planes, armored cars, and troops with guns marched down the streets. It was a free for-all war against the police because of O.J. Simpson. O.J., while watching, pulled out another glass of orange juice from his mini carry-along freezer. Tear gas was flying every where.An army double-engine helicoptor dropped water and honey on the gangs.It helped a little. One of the tanks ran full speed, plowed over the gangs and headed towards O.J. "Oh God!!!" O.J. said to himself. He put down the orange juice in his cup holder and started for the freeway.
Soon after, all the gang members surrendered. O.J. zig-zagged on the highway and looked for an enterance. Then he saw an exit for the Space Needle. He had an idea. O.J. backed up and headed for the city. He followed the monorail to the Space Needle, parked his car in a handi-cap space, and started for the Needle. The tank couldn't go as fast as the B.M.W., so it slowed up to 20mph. Just below the Space Needle wasa mini-amusement park. O.J. went to the video arcade and got some quarters. He played "John Bobbit: Before& After". See, you have to take the knife away from Larena before she... you know, and then you have to kill her. Anyway... Next, O.J. wanted to go on the roller coaster called "The X!!!!!". It was the same as"The Hurricane!!!!!", but O.J. didn't have any tickets. So he just went up to the ticket guy. "Hey, you're O.J. Simpson!" the ticket guy said. "Yes I am. Can I get on?" "Sure thing Mr. Simpson." So O.J. went on and had a great time.When he got off, he got a nice, big,cold cup of orange juice at the "Club-O- Juices", and headed for the bottom of the Space Needle. There was one last elevator going up. He yelled at the guy, saying, "My kid is up there!!!" "Hey, you're O.J. Simpson." the elevator guy said. "Yes, thank you. So can I please get up there?" "Sure thing Mr. Simpson!" "Is there an echo around here?" O.J. thought. Half way up, he gulped down his orange juice. The elevator stopped, and he got off. Up on top of the Needle, some construction was being done with chainsaws and stuff. O.J. tried to sneak around and get up in the Needle, but every one tried to stop to say hi. O.J. finally got to the door, leading up to the top. He went up the wooden steps and reached the top. There were about ten guys up there putting some weird weather box with this new lightning rod. "Hey, you're O.J. Simpson! I loved your movies, and great job being not-guilty." "Thanks, umm, you guys, Pamela Anderson Lee is down stairs looking for some guys like you to pose with her in a swim-suit calendar." The 10 workers dropped all their materials and ran down the stairs with their tongues hanging out, screaming like wolves. O.J. stumbled to get a really good chainsaw, and then he saw it- The New Turbo Monster 30-foot Chainsaw that will carve, saw, and operate in a second. It only weighed about 25 pounds, so O.J. picked it up and lugged it to the side. He saw a harness and some rope,so he put the harness on and tied the rope to the harness really tight. O.J. looked down and saw a cup of "Sunny Delight" orange juice. So he took it, had a sip, and put it in his pocket. The police meanwhile had to rent dump trucks to transport all the gangs. The police were now on their way to look for O.J. The tank meanwhile ran into a telephone pole, and caused a gas truck (full of orange juice) to explode. Orange juice was spilled down town.
The construction men were downstairs in the Space Needle getting drunk off of orange juice, vodka, and martinies.
O.J. could now here the police coming for him. O.J. laughed at the idea of his. O.J. strapped the chainsaw to his all leather belt and looped the rope to the lightning rod. O.J. Simpson lowered himself down the Space Needle. He peeked inside to see if anyone was watching, but they were all doing the "Macarena."He quickly lowered himself to wherehe could cut away.