The Ol' Mighty Tiki God!

By Darion Bonnet

One sunny day in L.A., the Tiki God was walking on the beach. He saw a very attractive woman on the sand, so he went over to introduce himself. "I am the Ol' Mighty Tiki God, I am the Ol' Mighty Tiki God, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, Tiki, ahhh!!!" "Ahhhhh!!" the woman screamed, as she took her things and ran as fast as she could. The Tiki God then walked a little more and saw two guys throwing a frisbee. One guy threw it over the other guy's head and it hit the Tiki God. "I am the Ol' Mighty Tiki God! Why do you throw objects at me!?! I will put a Tiki curse on you!!" "Hey man, it's not Halloween yet. Just give us the frisbee." The Tiki God then slammed his Tiki God face down in the sand, on the frisbee. When he stood up, the frisbee was gone. "What's wrong with you?!?" said one of the guys. "Are you retarded or something?" "I am the Ol' Mighty Tiki God!" said the Tiki God again. "Hey, man, you can warship your face some place else, but we just want our frisbee back, OK?" The Tiki God didn't respond, and he turned around and started walking away. "Come back here, you big wood stump!" one of the guys yelled, and ran after him. The guy tried to hit the Tiki God, but when he did, his hand got covered in vasoline. "Ahh!! This guy is really messed up. Let's get out of here!!!" "HA-HA-HA, Tiki God showed him." the Tiki God said.

Later, the Tiki God was in his red convertible driving along the coast when he saw these guys in this really cool low rider with a booming stereo system. "Hey log cabin, want to race to the intersection?" "I am the Ol' Mighty Tiki God!! I will win, you punks!" "OK then, let's see your turtle car go!" So the Tiki God and the cool guys went down to the intersection waiting for the green light. "You're going down, fool." said the cool driver. The light turned green, and the Tiki God chanted. "Tiki, tiki, TIKI GOD!!!!!"

*BA-BOOM!*

 The low rider's tires went flat in a second. "Ha-ha-ha!" the Tiki God said. "You're going down, old man!" the cool driver said.

So the Tiki God went on his way going to "Congo Drum Music Co." to get some cool music for the road. "Hello sir, what can I get you today?" "I am the Ol' Mighty Tiki God! Give me music!!" "OK sir, what kind?" "I want music!" the Tiki God said. "OK, I'll point to a CD, and you tell me if you want it or not, OK?" "Yes, yes, music!" "OK, how about Sam's Greatest Drum Hits?" "Yes!" the Tiki God said. "OK, how about The Strikers with 'nothing but drums.'" "I want all of them!" "All 83, sir?" the Music store guy said. "Yes!!!!!!!!!!" the Tiki God said. "OK, that will come out to be $243.75, sir. The 8% tax is already included, sir." The Tiki God knocked over the pile of CD's on the floor, stomped on them, and when he stood up, they were all gone. "Sir, you have to pay first," the music guy said. The Tiki God then jumped up on the counter, and stomped down. When he stood up, there were four cocoanuts and five dollars on the counter. Then he ran off. "Hey! Get back here, cocoanuts are not accepted!"

Later on, the Tiki God went to the 'Flamingo' Restaurant, the most popular classical diner in the world. "Good afternoon, sir. May I take you to your seat?" "I am the Ol' Mighty Tiki God!!" Everyone in the restaurant looked at the Tiki God. "Excuse me sir, but you will have to be a little more quiet at the wonderful Flamingo Restaurant." The guy took the Tiki God to a booth and gave him a menu. "Would you like something to drink?" "Me Tiki God, I want a coconut!" "OK sir, coming right up." The Tiki God looked at the menu and wanted to have the grilled flamingo with blood juice on the side. It was his favorite dish there. "OK sir, what would you like?" "Me Tiki God, I want flamingo!!!" "Oh, excellent choice, sir. One of my favorites, too." The Tiki God waited. Then his cocoanut with brandy, vodka, and cocoanut juice came. "Give me a straw!" the Tiki God said. The Tiki God took a sip, then another sip, then a gulp. Then he chugged the whole thing down. "Your flamingo, sir." The Tiki God wolfed down the flamingo in a second, and slurped the blood sauce like a drink.

*BURP* *BELCH*

The people looked at the Tiki God with a sour face. "What a disgusting & awful person!" one woman said. The Tiki God heard the lady, got up, walked over to her, and belched the biggest belch he could ever make right in her face. "Ahhh!" the woman cried and fell to the crowed. Her husband stood up and said, "You @*%$#!!" The lady's husband hit the Tiki God. "Ahhh! My hand, it's broken!!" "Ha-ha-ha!" the Tiki God laughed.

*BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!!!!!!*

 The Tiki God pounded the woman's husband like a drum, knocking him out. "Sir, pay your bill and get out!!" the waiter said. The Tiki God did not like the man at all. "You tell Tiki God to get out?!?! You have disrupted my people and me! You must feel pain!!!"

*PUNCH!!!*

 The Tiki God gave the waiter a Monster-Tiki-God-Punch to the face, and the waiter fell to the ground. Everyone in the restaurant started to panic and call 911. The Tiki God saw the people on the phone and ran out of the restaurant. He jumped in his car and sped away.

Later, the Tiki God heard his name on the car radio, so he turned the volume up louder. "The so called MTV Tiki God is now at large for assault on four counts and robbery. If you have any information on where he is, please call the L.A.P.D." The Tiki God slammed on the brakes and scrambled out of his car. "TIIIIIIIIIII-KIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" The Tiki God yelled out a Monster-Tiki-God-Whine that could be heard miles away, and he stomped so hard that the ground shook. "TIKI,TIKI,TIKI!"

*BOOM,BOOM,BOOM!!*

"TI-KI,TII-KII-KI-KI-KI-I-I-III!!!!" Once he caught his breath, he said to himself out loud, "I will now go on a rampage before I get caught!!"

The Tiki God got back in his car and headed back for the city of L.A. He put "The Jungle Congo-drums of Africa" on full blast in his car. People started throwing rocks and bottles at the Tiki God because of the loud music, but he didn't care. He was headed for the pier. When the Tiki God got to the pier, near the beach, he put his foot to the gas. He smashed through the fence and crushed through the gate. He was doing 90mph on the pier as police were running after him. The Tiki God turned off the Congo Music CD so the people wouldn't hear him. On that day, hundreds of people were on the pier. The Tiki God first ran over a 3-year old boy who was looking at the "Victoria Secret" Store. The kid flew over 100 feet on impact and into the wooden ice cream at the Ice Cream Store. The Tiki God was going even faster, running over people in the dozens. They would go up over the car, be ran over, or knocked hundreds of feet in the air. By now, police cars made a block at the enterence and called for medical care for the hundreds of people. The Tiki God was having a blast. He was getting revenge for the people calling him names and doing mean things to him. His car stopped after hitting a popcorn stand. People had lined the street, trying to help the injured and the dead. The Tiki God jumped out, got a grenade out of his trunk, and threw it in the car. He quickly got all of his music and ran away. Ten seconds later...

*BAM!!!!!*

More people flew in the air, over the stores, and into the water. The Tiki God then robbed the near by bank. Then he stole a parked 96' Mustange, and started to head back onto the pier. The police were coming after him at full force. The Tiki God did not care for the police. He ran over the people again. The police cars were headed right for him. The Tiki God also knew if he also headed for them, they would move. He was right. He ran over some more people and then ran head on into a police car. "Ah! Tiki God crashed. The police must die!" the Tiki God said. The Tiki God got out of his car and started to run at the police, yelling to scare them away. The police then started throwing tear-gas bombs at the Tiki God. The Tiki God started to run slower, slower, slower, then he fell to the hard asphalt. "We got him!!!" The police and people cheered. The police lifted the stumped Tiki God up and dragged him to a police car. "This guy is too big," an officer said. "Quick, use that Dodge Ram to get him to the station!" another officer said. So they did. When they got to the station, the Tiki God wouldn't fit in any cell or holding pen. So, the police could only think of one thing, to take him back to the MTV Beach House. They knew it could be easy for him to get loose, so... They would make a cage for him, and if he went out, he would have to be shackled to something, strong.

So the Tiki God is on parole for the rest of his life, and he is now living like he was before.

The End!

(The bad part of this story was that 327 people were killed, 87 hurt, and one guy got two black eyes.)