RICHARD DAMIENSON'S MANAGERS NOTES

Since doing my creative writing night classes I have discovered how wondrous, intrinsically beautiful, resplendent yet paradoxical facial hair can be. Upon the daily dawn, the glorious elegance of the sun casts a light upon our daily lives. To shave allows those golden cornflakeish rays shine on rosy cheeks, clean chins and smooth necks.

Shaving gives your face a new beginning on a daily basis. Yet the intrinsic paradox of my face is the moustache. Shaving requires a certain rustic discipline of which I relish, to get a close shave you have to take risks. The primitive sight of crimson blood streaming down a foam frothed Adams apple is an omnipresent possibility. A safe, sure, strong and steady hand is what is needed in the pursuit of facial excellence.

Damien Ponders on having a shave.

Football management is like shaving, at a stroke it could all go wrong. In life just as each rising morning, you take risks, in football management too. On reflection in my deepest conscious self I feel that the moustache represents the solidity in my intrinsicity, a part of the team that only requires an occasional refinement, a trim here and there. Unlike the remaining tundra of my face it does not require daily attention nor is it a daily game of chance. In the further reaches of my en-suite lavatory lie a petite arsenal of razors, the less numerous the razors, the higher the risk of damage to ones self. Lets contrast the situation of Shamrock rovers and that of my en-suite lavatory. My en-suite lavatory has only so many razors, Rovers this Millennium year have only so many players, so as injuries and suspensions arise, it becomes more likely that a not so sharp razor will manifest itself. In the coming years with our new palatial home in Tallaght, we will be in the relishingly enviable position of purchasing many new razors. Thus to some degree lessening the risk of being slain. Who knows I may in time feel confident enough to lose the moustache. If you see me with a beard?.........  

Written By: Alan K.

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Football really is a funny auld game, full of irony and contradictions, especially among fans. One just has to look at the treatment opposing players and managers receive from fans. The biggest irony comes when somebody the fans worship suddenly becomes the most hated scumbag on the face of this earth (and vice versa) who will be taunted by fans about his personal life and playing skills for the duration of a match.

Over the years players who have been heroes at their club (Rovers had their fair share) have left that club to go and play for or manage an arch rival or another club, Stephen Geoghan, Pat Fenlon, Alan Byrne, Derek Swan, Paul Osam, Paul Whelan, & Graham Lawlor have all made the change from one Dublin rival to another. Im sure we all remember cheering for Stephen Geoghan when he wore the Hoops in '94 when we last won the league, Now it is a different story, poor old Geogo gets a venomous reception from all Rovers fans (Mainly due to his Judas antics) about mobile phones, child mollesting etc. Another player who was a figure of hate for Rovers fans was Alan Byrne when he was with the Knackers but when he played for Rovers in '94 he was the subject of praise from the fans, Yet one season later he's at Shelbourne being called a money grabber (and rightly so!). Managers are no different, we have hurled abuse at our own managers when they are not performing, and at opposing managers for being whingey auld cunts! (did somebody say Fat Dolan?). Our own beloved Damien Richardson isnt above this sort of abuse either, when he was in charge of Cork City and later Shelbourne he was hardly popular amongst Hoops fans, and if you were to mention that he would later become our manager most people would have told you to fuck off! And stop being an eijit, in fact most people saw him in the same eyes as we see Fat Dolan today. Anyway enough with my rambling, Tarantula has dug into the depths of his burrow to find an article from Shamrock Rovers Fanzine "Hooped on a Feeling" back in 1996. This article sees our manager "Rico" in a somewhat different light of today's fans.

WANKER OF THE MONTH

Damien Richardson

In each issue of Hooped on a Feeling we are going to award a certain League of Ireland personality with the ultimate accolade of "wanker of the month". Each recipient will be judged on their efforts of making an arse of themselves in the weeks leading up to each particular issue. This months award goes to Shelbourne's very own master of contradiction and epitomy of sportsmanship. Ladies and gentlemen i give you Damien Richardson.

My God, where do I start. Here we have a man who cannot take defeat in any kind of dignified manner whatsoever. When his team of world beaters (Har,Har) are gubbed, there has to be something or someone to blame. Y'see Shelbourne are never beaten by a better team, it's always the fault of the referee, the pitch, the weather, the Rovers fans or quite possibly the state of political unrest in Chechnya. Let me take you back to a famous April Sunday in 1994. Whilst Rovers fans celebrated our 15^th (yes 15^th, Boh's, Pat's and Shel's) league title in the "Horse Show House", good ol' "Dayo" was on the radio telling all, who were silly enough to listen, that the second best team that were in the country had won the league that day. Not for him the usual "well, we did our best, we came second, better look next year etc.", no way, his Cork side should have won the league. Even though we finished seven points clear of Cork, recorded two victories and one draw from our four matches against them, and scored a whopping eight goals to three in said matches, Cork were a better side. This was an early sign of the mans complete bolloxology. He was at it again last season after we beat Shels 2-1 at Tolka to put any pay to any chance they had of winning the league. This time he was on the telly so we could see him foaming at the mouth as he spurted out more rubbish. The first Rovers goal had seen the ball go out of play, while the second one was never a penalty according to Richardson. Now when Derek Treacy hooked the ball back for Mark Reid to head our first, the ball might have looked like it had gone out of play, but no-one could tell for sure. You certainly couldnt tell from sitting in a dugout at the halfway line, and even though the T.V. cameras had shown that the ball had just about stayed in, he was sure that it had gone out. Even any Shels fans will tell you that when Henry McKop upended Sean Francis it was a blatant penalty. But Richardson was fuming and he stated that "decisions like that left a bad taste in his mouth", what an arsehole. He then proceeded in slagging off Rovers fans involving a Shelbourne steward at the end of the match. According to Damien "the home club have a duty to protect the home official at the end of a game". Protect them from who Damien? Yourself and Olly Byrne of course. Why oh why would Rovers fans want to have a go at a referee who has just awarded them a last-minute penalty? What in fact happened was, that Olly Byrne charged at the refand hwen Hoops fans started to take the piss out of him, heavy handed stewards got involved and a ruck ensued. Your stewards, Mr. Richardson were protecting the ref from a Shelbourne director and not Shamrock Rovers fans.

Moving on to August of this year and another embarrassing Shelbourne defeat in Europe caused by, you've guessed it the referee. David Campbell was sent off and Richardson states in all the papers that "I'll never criticise another League of Ireland player again". Roll-on Shelbournes next competitive match against Rovers and Greg Costello is red carded for lashing out at Pat Fenlon. Cue Damien Richardson and Ollie Byrne running onto the pitch at the referee. The guy's a comedian. More worrying is the news that Richardson is the only League of Ireland manager who sees nothing wrong with Wimbledon moving to Dublin as revealed in "the Title" (1/9/96). Is he having us all on or is he a complete idiot? I know what i think.

So there we have it. In true "girly show" style Damien Richardson, you horribly moustached, rubbish talking, bad losing, referee bashing, piece of turd you are undoubtedly "The Wanker of the Month!".

(This article was plagiarised from "Hooped on a feeling" issue No.1 (1996)

So there it is folks a rather scathing attack on our beloved manager "Rico", well maybe we know where the program notes come from now! I think this article would suit the likes of Fat Dolan in todays terms (Aaaggh! Does that mean he will become our manager in the future? Hail Fat!!! - Ed). This article points out just how quickly fans attitudes can change. Damien Richardson is the best manager Rovers have had in a long while, and I hope he stays with us for the long term, he's just what this club needs to lift it back up to the Glory days and make it the best club in Ireland. It just goes to show that we the Rovers faithful are in fact the masters of contradiction and bolloxology (Damien your not alone!) Maybe we'll get to write program notes just like his someday? (What College did he go to??? - Ed).

Written By:THE TARANTULA

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