Joke Book
Every club has a rival club. POSH fans are known for not really liking the
C**bridgeshire neighbours who play in Yellow and black. (any guesses who?)
C**mbridge forward latches on to pass from defence --->
<--- Click on photo
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were exploring deepest, darkest Africa when they came across a huge river. They were just wondering how they would get across when a leprechaun appeared on the riverbank, "If you can get across this river without being eaten by the crocodiles" he said, "I'll give you my pot of gold..."
"No problem" says the Englishman. He gets halfway across before being swallowed by an enormous crocodile. The Scotsman goes next but almost as soon as he touches the water, a croc. gets him.
Finally it's the Irishman's turn. Before diving in, he gets out a permanent marker and writes "C**bridge United for the league and cup double 1997-98!" on his shirt. He then dives in and swims all the way across, no problem. "That's amazing" says the leprechaun, "How on earth did writing "C**bridge United for the league and cup double 1997-98!" stop the crocodiles from eating you?" "Well", says the Irishman, "C**mbridge United for the league and cup double 1997-98? Not even a crocodile can swallow that..."
C**mbridge United new home (allegedly) --->
<--- Click on photo
A new yellow and black Oxo cube is about to be introduced. It'll be called "laughing stock".
C**mbridge sign new defender
click here
A man is driving his car quite erratically, and the Police stop him. The officer says that he will have to be breathalysed at which point he pulls out a card saying that he suffers from bad asthma so can't do that.
The officer then says that he will have to go down to the station and give a blood sample,
at which point the man brings out a card saying that he is a haemophiliac so can't give blood.
At this the officer says that he will have to have a urine sample, at which the man brings out a card
which says, 'This man is a C**mbridge United supporter....'
Roy McFarland goes into a taxidermist in Peterborough; "I'd like a stuffed bird for C**bridge United"
he says. "Sorry sir, we don't do swaps" came the reply!
Why do NASA send their astronauts to train at the Abbey Stadium?
It's the only place in the world with no atmosphere!
Q. Why did the C**bridge keeper quit from a pilots job?
A. Because he isn't very good in the air.
This section is dedicated to those nice people at Man Utd. :-)
Q: How many Man. Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 540,001. That's one to change it, 40,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit! In fact, it could be argued 540,002, as someone will have to compare the light bulb to George Best.
The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out
"Man.Utd are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
Q: How many Man Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who cares? As long as the light bulb is changed every 3 months, costs 30 quid and comes in a different colour.
Fire brigade phones Ferguson in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr Ferguson sir, Old Trafford is on fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Alex.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
Roy Mc Farland and Alex Ferguson are getting interviewed at the end of last season and the interviewer turns to Alex:"So Alex, after a few disastrous results in the last couple of weeks where do you see Utd's season going from here?" "Well, as I said at the start of the season, our main aim is to win the European Champions Cup and I still think we're in with a good chance!" Interviewer turns to Mc Farland: "So then Roy, what do you think of United's prospects then?" "Well I'm hoping that we'll go up as champions and probably win the FA Cup, then take the Premiership by storm in a couple of years, with a possible Grand Slam of all major domestic trophies!" The interviewer is a bit shocked and turns round to Mc Farland and says:
"You're not serious, surely?" "Well Alex bloody started it!!"
One day, a man was walking along the beach and came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. The man was ecstatic. "But there's a catch," the Genie continued. "What catch?" asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously. The Genie replied, "For each of your wishes, every Man United supporter in the world will receive double what you asked for." "Hey, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man. "What is your first wish?" asked the Genie. "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!" Poof! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "Now, every Man United supporter in the world has been given two Ferraris," said the Genie. "What is your next wish?" "I could really use a million dollars..." replied the man, and Poof! One million dollars appeared at his feet. "Now, every Man United supporter in the world is two million dollars richer," the Genie reminded the man. "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got my million," replied the man."And what is your final wish?" asked the Genie. The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
There was a Man. Utd. fan with a really crappy seat at Old Trafford. Looking with his binoculars he spotted an empty seat on the half way line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big United fan."
The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask you why you didn't give
the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
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