APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompained by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

  1. NAME: Robert Bacon DATE OF BIRTH: September 28, 1974
  2. HEIGHT: 6’4"WEIGHT: 200lb IQ: I what? GPA: -1.2
  3. SOCIAL SECURITY # 867-5309 DRIVER'S LICENSE: Yes
  4. BOY SCOUT RANK: Last?
  5. HOME ADDRESS: My car
  6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? Last time I checked…..No.
  7. Number of years your parents have been married:-1.2


8. Do you own a van: No but you do.

a truck with oversized tires? Soon

a waterbed? Yes sur.


9. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button rings? A butt ring

tattoo? Yeah with your daughters name.


10. In 50 words or less, what does DONT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?: Don’t touch your water? I don’t get it.
(attach additional pages with response as needed)


11. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? 10-15….hours


12. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? Death


13. Church you attend: KFC (lutheran)


14. When would be the best time to interview you father, mother and pastor? When I’m dead.


15. Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers are strictly confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone ever)

 

  1. If I was ever shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is: Back of the leg.

    2.  

  2. If I was beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: skull

    3.  

  3. A woman's place is in the: arms of here loving…….FATHER.

    4.  

  4. The one thing I hope the application does not ask is: Experience or skills


E. When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is: (NOTE: if answer E

begins with a T or an A, discontinue and leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised). Ummm…… forearm


16. What do you want to be IF you grow up? A Pokemon.

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS FREE, AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED-HOT POKER, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Applicant's signature: Robert Bacon

(this means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for you interest. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not call or write. (You probably can't anyway.) If your application is rejected two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases will notify you(you might watch your back).