The FFL Herald Vol 2.1      08/19/97
The Voice Of Unreason

Owned and Operated under the Auspices of the UB Rednecks Franchise
(This is a Predraft Edition)
<--Our newly dedicated reporters practicing CYA -->



THIS REPORTER:
Joe Does It Again
By showing well deserved respect to the creator and former dictator (I mean editor) of this fine publication, THIS REPORTER will remain to be the exceptional, insane genius, that beer gazeling nitwit, the owner and operator of the TANSTAAFL franchise : JOE. We'll publish tidbits from Joez mad creations from last years Herald, so he will not be forgotten.
Joe then took the podium to state that this new job pays him so much money that he could by the talents which would propel TANSTAAFL to the top of the FFL.
Joez nonexistent wife and 3.1 children then joined him at the podium beaming with pride in their hero. Joez wife (Arial), a buxom blondie, called out loudly for any supporters to come up on stage and 45 jock straps were hurled at her feet, TSBTT (Joez sun) was wildly amused [after all he's only .8]. Joez first child, Farquar, then took the microphone to state publicly that "his daddy could beat your daddy" and the entire nonexistent crowd went crazy. Joe later told me that all this was unrehearsed and he did not know his family would be there.



THAT REPORTER
That reporter is the new editor in chef (##@% "Oh..! Great Cugly..Mugly %@##) of the Herald. The fonts may stay the same, but the language could change (one can never know..!!)


THEM OTHER REPORTERS
It's Official     By Arial
We had a few owners of some unnamed FFL teams that volunteered to contribute to the Herald, but never did show up for work. It would be odd to start the season with a strike, maybe it's just the UPS affect. After all one Redneck family man can not do the work of a single drunk.


Treasurer Denied     By Arial
This part of the Herald will be reserved for the Comiss to give us weekly detailed financial reports after all last years coffee can will not do this year. Isn't anybody else curious?


THIS YEAR'S FFL TEAMS, OWNERS, NAMES and LOGOS
( In Draft order )
[01] Dave Mc."DominantX"
[02] Paul N.N/A
[03] Kiss S. Holdin' back
[04] Bob K./Ray D."Vipers"
[05] Mike S.Name will come from Team
[06] Matt C.Depends on vacation..??
[07] Sean ?."Angry Amebas"
[08] Ernie F."Pocono Pounders"
[09] Mike G."THE TERMINATORS"
[10] Gus V."Culture Shock"
[11] John De."Flaming Dingos"
[12] Csaba L."U.B. Rednecks"



Rimma's Place 
Boy doneyewish.!!!




THE RUMORMONGER:
A Man OF Destiny     by Sylvia
The lines are etched deep around John Elway's eyes, more visible than ever in his leathery skin. There is gray in his short sideburns and tamales. When he walks he moves slowly and gingerly, as if he just got off a horse. Fourteen years of NFL battle scars are apparent in Elway's 37-year-old face, his droopy and tired eyes, his aching body -- 14 years of euphoria, frustration, anger, satisfaction, and bitterness.
Just a HINT for you beginners!!!!



Heard about the league..     by Julia
Now, what I heard going around the league was..

Sincerely,
Anonymous reporter



THE LEADERS:
FFL BMS Pool COMBINED

THE MATCHUPS: Week 0 {odds by Jimmy the Greek, a, happy to be here, dead guy}
[Pre-Play]



OWNER COMMENTS (Where Trash Talk Rules): Week 0
The Editorial staff strongly recommend, that you submit your comments on time..!!
Don't ask me what time that is ..... YOU @#%@@ .....
Just make sure to be on time. There, now U know !!THE EDITOR



Fresh from DeVire:
Pocono Pounders Founder, Owner, GM, CEO, CFO, Trainer, Coach, Doctor and all around GOFER (or is it golfer..??) Ernie F. (we need to stay Anonymous just yet) had a well advertised press conference promptly 3:00PM on Monday 08/18/97.
The Owner made an unexpected statement in the first sentence of his speech to the press....! Everybody was shocked, ....as they say: "YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP" (who the hell are they, and Y should I care what do they say..??? Beats me..) The GM has stated, (and I quote:) 'The Pocono Pounders have offered a contract to the most valuable player in the NFL ....!! This offer knows no boundaries, our checkbook, harts and zipper is open to this HOUMONGUS athlete. We will do everything to draft this exceptional talent, the quarterback of quarterback's. The Pocono Pounders are willing to go to any lengths to acquire Dave Brown.'
Editors note: For the 8th pick, he should be happy with Brown.!!
Hearing the Owner make this statement, the Coach shook his head, stated (and I quote:) 'I never heard such a foolish thing, Brown is a bumm and I hate that guy; I'm a JETS fan.'
Editors note: Now, that IS a sorry statement ....!!
The Coach further stated, (and I quote:) 'I didn't think, I didn't think, ...... what was I thinking...???? Anyway, I don't want to work for such an irresponsible franchise. I QUIT..!!!!'
The Owner accepted the Coach's resignation and the press conference ended peacefully. An hour later however police used teargass and rubber bullets to break up a major brawl between the fans for and against the Brown Contract.


LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: (duh!)
From: DMG@USCCMAIL
To: CL(a)voicenet.com
Subject: Newsletter chat
Date: Mon, 18 Aug 1997 08:28:33 -0500
Just a little bit for the Herald.

It seems that on Friday morning, that Bob K. and Gus V. stole a draft cheat sheet from the Fantasy Football Weekly newspaper in the Concourse. They were to cheap to spend the $4.95 for the paper.



From: KS@USCCMAIL
To: CL(a)voicenet.com
Subject: ffl team #3
Date: Tue, 19 Aug 1997 13:08:07 -0500
Csaba - if you can include this in your rag - er - paper. Thanks
8/1/97 various sourced reputed to be reliable have informed us that the owner of the "Bonzo Boyz" known as Keiths, in an attempt to reshape his team, is going on a sabbatical in order to rethink his drafting strategy this year.
8/11/97 PRESS RELEASE!
Keiths having returned to New Jersey, has announced that the team formerly known as the Bonzo Boyz will be moving to a new city this year and will take on a NEW NAME. Details will follow...
8/12/97 rumors circulate that Keiths has literature that he believes will give him a superior advantage in the upcoming draft picks...
8/14/97 Keiths picks #3 in draft sequence. Still refuses to disclose name of team.
8/18/97 Keiths is reportedly in an upbeat mood for the draft just three days away... Certain unnamed and nonexistent other owners are nervously waiting to find out what his first pick will be, and what the new name of his team will be.
8/19/97 PRESS RELEASE!
The new team name is to be The Big Galoots (official name is The Big Galoot Car Washers of E. W.). Owner Keiths says: don't blame me - I foolishly had my kids help pick out the name. A logo is currently under development and may be ready by the next issue.



Any future letters may be sent to the editor at:
    [email protected]
And soon at our new webpage at http\\www.lunatics.com which is currently under negotiation.


STUFF:
Cyber Tips To Help You win BIG 
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