The FFL Herald Vol 2.11          11/6/97
The Voice Of FlimFlam!

Owned and Operated under the Joint Auspices of the UB REDNECKS/BIG GALOOTS Franchises
(Week #10 - Halloween Candy Hangover week!)
<--Our politically INcorrect, mudslinging reporters!-->
EVENING EDITION
Editors Apology - Production Problems Today!

Pounders Win High Score!
UB's Miss By A Nose
Legends, Lizzzards Continue to Lead!
THIS REPORTER


In this issue:

THAT REPORTER
The Possum Adventure Continues


That Reporter - from somewhere in Louisiana.
Approaching what seems to be a small island, there is a sunken boat in the harbor, a few buildings and pathways on the island, a Rocket Ship!!??, a clock tower, and some other items. Quickly I determine that this is the island of MYST, and unless I want to remain there for months on end unable to proceed further in the game, I decide to shove off and continue to look for real land.
Finally the coastline does appear! After landing I find a small town and find out that I am in Louisiana, home of Brett Favre, shrimp gumbo, crawdaddies, and cajun cookin'. Being very hungry, I stop in the local cafe for a lunch and chow down a large bowl of 'jambalaya'. Afterwards I find out that it was really the bait for the crab traps! Ooops! Gus told me to eat it!
Amazingly I had stopped at Brett Favre's Bar & Grill Cafe. Brett of course is on the road with his team but his buddy (named Buddy) is running the place - or so we all thought. After asking a few questions it was revealed that Brett actually is running the cafe, and Buddy is taking his place on the Packers. When the Packers are in trouble the real Brett steps in.
Dave, maybe THAT is why you had trouble early in the season!
After promising not to reveal any more about the switcheroo, I head off towards the mighty Mississippi to find the hound dog I have been after for so many weeks. So long all you 'Cay-zhunes'!

next week - Meet Me in Mobile




                Re-Org Announces:

"MY NAME IS RE-ORG THE TERRIBLE, AND I'M REALLY MAD!"
"SOMEHOW FAIR ELLEN HAS ESCAPED THRU A SECRET PASSAGE BACK TO BUILDING 3.
I SHALL THROW MY CURSE AT EACH TEAM UNTIL SHE RETURNETH! "
ROAAWRRRR!

EDITORIAL PAGE

THEM OTHER REPORTERS

The Boner of the Week     By CYCHA Reporter
        I know that this column is supposed to be dedicated to the BMS FFL, but I must go outside the FFL.
This week's BONER OF THE WEEK, and possibly BONER OF THE YEAR, is awarded to Keith S. This week's BONER goes to Keith for his stylish foot trend that he display on Monday morning. It seems that Keith got dressed in the dark, he placed a BLACK SHOE on his right foot and a BROWN SHOE on his left foot. Don't worry Keith, this cowardly yellow chicken-hearted anonymous reporter was present a few years ago when another league member, who will go unnamed, wore the same color shoes, but two different styles.

Back to the BMS FFL:
Runner Up's:



       CYCHAR (Cowardly Yellow Chicken-hearted Anonymous Reporter)

Pounders Flatten Americas Team     By Connie
       Thanks to outstanding performances by Frerotte, Chris Carter, and the GB defense, Ernie earns high score this week in the battle of the 'politically corrects'. Since Ernie's title is higher than Paul's, of course he had to win. Ernie says 'Thanks to the Jets for going into overtime so I could get that final field goal and beat Csaba for high score! Reminds me of the old days at the beginning of the season'.

Boo Is Eaten Up     By Frank
       Whilst dining in the cafeteria last week, I found Boo. Let me explain: The ice cream wrapper had the title 'BOO' on it. When informed of this, Csaba ate the ice cream.

Overachieving Rookie     By Darlene
       Keiths backup and unknown running back backup, Fred Lane (originally known as Joe Lane) scores for Carolina three times for a total of 23 pints! Apparently he's still unknown to everyone. The commish hisself said to Keiths 'Didn't you drop him a while ago?' Keith replied 'Hmmm - maybe I should play him next week'. Is this just a flash in the pan or the sign of true talent? We shall see.


UBs cheered     By Sylvia
        Dad, stop flirting with the babysitter and burp me, dammit! Oh, go have a smoke!

Rimma's Place 

Rimma's spacecraft is approaching earch orbit. Here is the latest message from her:
"Moscow Control, Moscow Control, Nearing Earth Orbit. Passed large black monolith some time back. According to computer instructions programmed by Billy-Bob, laser unit has shot the object full of holes. Looks kind of like Swiss cheese now! Cosmonaut Rimma out."


Dear Chubby

Dear Chubby,
        My husband spends all his time on the pc. It's for some stupid work thing which makes no sense to me called 'The Herald'. He's keeping a strange sleeping schedule, staying up late nights and all. Could he be messing around on one of those perverted internet sites having Cyber Sex? If he is, I'll cut it off! (the computer, that is). Suggestions?
        signed,
       The Wife

Dear The Wife,
       I suggest you let your husband work as much as possible on this project. Sounds like he is a frustrated writer and he needs the satisfaction and enjoyment that his computer gives to him. You might try putting on a cheerleading outfit. I'm sure at the end of the season everything will work out, and in the meantime you should join a support group. There are some on the internet if you want to try, but it means you will have to USE the computer and kick your husband off of it. On second thought, just enjoy your time by yourself and treat yourself to an International Coffee.
            Chubby

        TRIVIA CHALLENGE:             Hmmm...


this week: "Meet the Flintstones"
(rules PRIZE = a somewhat shiny quarter from Keith for the earliest person with the most answers correct. A dollar if you're the first to get all of them correct Deadline: end of the day Monday 11/10).
  • What was the original name of 'The Flintstones'?
  • Where did Bam Bam first appear?
  • What is Fred's job?
  • Who is Fred's boss?
  • What club are Fred and Barney members of?
  • What is the title of the leader of the club?
  • In the movie, who played Fred, Barney, and Betty?
  • Who sang the theme song in the movie?
  • What town do the Flintstones live in?
  • What happened in the episode where Barney worked with Fred after Barney lost his job?
  • What movie is playing at the Drive-In?
  • What is the name of the man from outer space who helps Fred & Barney?
  • What cartoon family do the Flintstones meet in a TV special?
  • What happens when Fred puts the cat out for the night?
  • What kind of burgers does Fred like?
  • 16.(Extry Creddy) What is Barney's job?


    • last week: "Paul's M*A*S*H,, Movies, and The Duke"





  • Who gave Radar his final exam for his High School Diploma?
                    Col Blake
                    Hawkeye & Trapper
                    Col. Potter
                    Fr. Mulcahey
  • What happened to Frank after leaving the 4077th?
                    was promoted to Lt Colonel
                    was discharged with a section 8
                    was transferred to Tokyo General
                    Left the army for private practice
  • What four characters lived in the Swamp during the first season?
                    Hawkeye, Trapper, Frank, Spearchucker
                    Hawkeye, Frank, Cowboy, Trapper
                    Hawkeye, Trapper, Ugly John, Frank
                    Hawkeye, Trapper, Frank, Radar
  • What was the name of Radar's dog?
                    Rick
                    Trooper
                    Black Beauty
                    Ranger
  • What was John Wayne's first big movie?     The Big Trail
  • What is John Wayne's full real name?     Marion Morrison
  • Where did John Wayne go to college?     USC
  • Who was Steve Martin's costar in 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels'?     Michael Caine
  • Who played the part of Uncle Ernie in the movie version of the rock opera Tommy?     Keith Moon
  • What was the name of Stanly's dog in The Mask?     Mylo
    •




            (rules PRIZE determined by Paul! for the earliest person with the most answers correct.
    Deadline: end of the day Monday 11/3). LOOKS LIKE DAVE GETS THE QUARTER THIS WEEK



    "Purely Subjective and Sure to be Controversial Ratings of the Week" (tm):
    look for one of your players here!

    Dud of the Week: Scott Mitchell
                Runners-up: Elvis Grbac, Dan Marino, Emmitt & Co

    Star of the Week: Fred Lane (had to do it, guys)
          Runners-up: Warren Moon, Bert Emanuel, Gus Frerotte



    THE NEW AND IMPROVED RUMORMONGER:
    Dedicated to the rumors and gossip that inquiring minds want to stick their noses into.
            Csaba is afraid to move 'cause his team is winning so well.
            Eagles will never win another game.
            From Rimma's History Corner last week:
                    Is Sobaka doody anything like Howdy Doody?
    THE COFFEE CAN TREASURE HUNT (formerly The Rumormonger):
    X Marks the Spot     by Kristin

    Kristin has reported the following:
    The treasure is in our Jack O Lantern. No, wait, that's where I hid Dad's car keys!


    Quote of the Week     by Kathryn

    Kathryn has a slight cold this week, which made her say the following:
    'You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose!'
    Where does she learn such things?!
    ed note: Kristin's and Kathryn's columns are official transcripts of actual conversations with DAD

    Heard about the league..     by Eva, Nikki, & Sylvia
    Now, what I heard going around the league was..
    UB Rednecks:
    (singing) 'There's a Bad Moon on the right!'
    Big Galoots:
    Elway throws now that he was benched! Maybe you'll get the go next week.
    Angry Amoebas:
    Stumbled again!
    Vipers:
    Vote for your local Viper on Tuesday!
    Dingos:
    There goes my winning streak
    Lizzzards:
    I like being number one
    America's Team:
    Lost to Ernie? Oh, well, at least I won't get 'fired' like Dave and Keith
    Legends:
    No, I like being number one!
    Pocono Pounders:
    Finally, justice is served.
    Culture Shock:
    Where did our team go, anyway? Are they all on byes?
    Slashers:
    No, they were all trick-or-treating with our team.
    Terminators:
    I would have won, but everyone kept MOVING.

            Sincerely,
            Anonymous reporter


    THE GAMES: Week 10
        Stats are INcorrect 'cause Paul was watching one too many 'South Park' shows.

       

    This week's results (bullet denotes correct guess - er - prediction):
    *Lizzzards lick Amoebas Lizzzards 35, Amoebas 27
    *<Galoots lasso Culture Galoots 49, Culture 18
    Terminators make surprise ending to Legends movieLegends 39, Terminators 28
    *Pounders win election over Americas Team Pounders 77, Americas Team 46
    *Dingos' treat is Slashers' trick Dingos 43, Slashers 20
    *Rednecks use Vipers for bolo necktie Rednecks 75, Vipers 41

        (Jiminy was 5 for 6, pretty darn good!)
    Weekly high score goes to (drum roll please): ERNIE!

    THE MATCHUPS: Week 11 {odds by Jimmy the Greek cricket, a statistically dead bug}

    odds that stats will be available next week: 99 to 1 with the trifecta paying $1,530.40

    Our humble predictions:
    Amoebas infect Vipers
    Galoots horse-whip Slashers
    Lizzzards tickle Legends
    Pounders help Culture's diving act
    America's Team beats up former boss Terminators
    Rednecks confuse Dingos for Boo but beat them anyway
    odds that these picks are correct: 0 to 0

    OWNER COMMENTS (Where Trash Talk Rules): Week 10
    Very little trash was received from our TIDY coaches this week:
    Galoots to Culture (lineup listing):
    Here's the lineup to turn the Culture into Vulgar Slobs!

            NOTE THE SURPRISE STARTING QB - Elway has been benched (as has Jake
            Reed). I need a guy who throws/catches passes! (I'm setting myself up
            for Boner of the Week if this doesn't work!)

    Culture replies with their lineup;
    Galoots to Culture:
    I hear Allen is hurt.

    Just kidding - only his feelings are hurt 'cause he knows the Culture will lose

    Culture to Galoots:
    Well, just in case, i did check out the on-line injury list to make sure we were going to be OK. I'm sure we're going to beat you with just Sunday's players, and the guys playing mon nite will only be upping our point total!
    ________________________________________________________________________
    From the Commish:

    Well, fixed, the stats are. $10 richer, the Pounders are, conflatulations to Ernie.

    Treasurer's report: There is $590 in the kitty right now, and kitty isnt happy about it God damn it. So it seems that there will be over $500 in the kitty when it comes time to divide up the winnings. subtract 7 more weeks of $10 winners, Olaf's retainer fee and the $40 currently owed by teams which shall remain galoots, I mean slashers, I mean nameless.





    The Editorial staff strongly recommend, that you submit your comments on time..!!
    Don't ask me what time that is ..... YOU @#%@@..... Just make sure to be on time.
    There, now U know !!    THE EDITOR


    The following message from our absentee editor:
    I'm at my support group meeting right now but please leave a message at the creep - um, beep (it's a Halloween joke, dammit).



    Any future letters may be sent to the editor when his pc is fixed sometime this year (or editor 2 whenever he installs his pc after finishing his deck) at: [email protected] OR [email protected])
    And soon at our new webpage at http\\www.lunatics.com which is currently under negotiation.


    STUFF:
     Cyber Tips To Help You win BIG 

    If you need advice from Rimma, she has moved to a new History Corner!
    We are sponsoring a new movie:
    'We Know What You Did Last FFL Season'
    Ernie says: 'I may not win often, but when I do I win the $10.00!'



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