THIS REPORTER
THAT REPORTER
The Possum Adventure Continues
That Reporter - from Havana, Cuba.
After being blown off course by a tropical storm and dodging the sharks which have been following me, I had the misfortune to be picked up by a Cuban patrol boat. After arriving at the naval station and explaining that I was a reporter, I was driven by jeep to an oceanside retreat surrounded by security fences and guard patrols.
Once inside, I was sent to a veranda where an old bearded man in olive drab fatigues was waiting for me. It was Fidel himself! 'Buenos Dias, yanquii', he began. 'I hear that you are a reporter from Los Estados Unidos. Well, I have a story for you to report'. Being a consciencous reporter, I agreed.
'You know, it is a good thing that you were not in an airplane or else we would have had to shoot you down. Anyway, I wish to talk to you about an economic proposition. Since we do not have formal relations with your pais (country), I must resort to such things.' He then offered me a cool rum drink and continued.
'As you know, the Russians have been of no use to us in recent years, what with the 'Mission Rimma' mess and all. Our economy needs help from America, but of course politically that is not possible yet. What I am looking for is a private enterprise to bring money to us, and I heard that you were selling a FFL team to Ted Turner.'
After explaining to Castro that the FFL may or may not have teams for sale from week to week depending on the mood of the owners, and that he probably was too late for The Vipers, and that Turner had refused any deals, we came to an agreement.
'Very well, Senor Reporter, since no teams are available at this time, I will give you my card which has my private phone number on it, and my email id: [email protected]'. Call me if there is any change in the situation, and by the way, we are also looking for year 2000 programmers! Here are some complimentary cigars for Ray and Csaba. Adios, amigo'.
I was taken back to my boat and directed towards the Gulf coast. With all the excitement, I had forgotten to ask about Boo. Hopefully that mutt can't swim and is still back in the states.
next week - How Do I Steer This Thing, Anyway?
THEM OTHER REPORTERS
The Boner of the Week
By CYCH Anonymous Reporter
The Boner of the Week is awarded to half of the Slashers, Matt. Not for losing to the Shock, but for his bitchin' and moaning after the fact, he cries of collusion between owners and for spending $5 bucks on Ty Detmer. Also for his picking ability which left him having half his team on byes this week.
Runner-ups go to UB Rednecks for not starting Emmitt who finally scored and to the Galoots for picking the WRONG receivers to play.
Cowardly Yellow Chicken-hearted Anonymous Reporter
'Lowly' Culture beates up on Slashers
By Connie
Legends Regain First
By Darlene
Vipers Winning Streak Snapped
By Chris
Classroom Discipline Still a Problem
By Mrs. Strictruler
UBs cheered
By Sylvia
Rimma's Place
Yes, Matt is steamed! And guess who has to put up with him? Look at his point totals, will you? Of course, he made most of them last week! I hear that Gus and Ellen are quietly (!) gloating.
The Legends regain first place by points thanks to the Galoots and the collapse of Elway & Co. Of course, The Lizzzards are coming on strong too. Rachel says: 'Rah, rah, sis boom bah! Yeeeeah, Lizzzards!'
The Vipers had their impressive two game winning streak snapped as now the Terminators are on their own two game winning streak. Bob says 'I knew it was too good to be true, but with all those top teams falling around us, we're still in the thick of it. Anyway, everyone's out to get Gus & Ellen now'.
Ray says 'Where are those Cuban cigars, anyway?'
Mr. Chiarolanzio, you must stop writing those naughty words. You may put all the asterisks and other things you want in them, we know what the words really are. This is only a warning, since you did try to mend your ways. If you don't shape up, you will have to stay after school or go to the principal, Mr. Bigbutt. (Remember, principal is spelled with a p-a-l, not p-l-e, because he is your pal).
And that goes for the rest of you little urchins, you naughty little boys! And NO tamagochis are allowed in school!
Hi, Dad, I drank all your 'shine. Now I gotta pass out. Barfffff!!! Zzzzzzzzzzz.
Rimma's spacecraft has landed on Mars, sometimes known as the 'Forbidden Planet'. Here is the latest message from her:
"Moscow Control, Moscow Control, Have Landed On Mars. One Small Step for Rimma, One Giant Step for Proletariat. See Signs of Past Civilization Called 'Krull' on this 'Forbidden Planet'. (Looks like we beat Disney here!)
Dave has nicknamed me Rocketeer Rimma. Damn imperialist swine!
Now searching for signs of Leslie Nielsen and the Krull computer.
Cosmonaut Rimma out."
Dear Chubby
Dear Chubby will not appear this week either. He's shootin' squirrels and other varmints to put in the smokehouse to stock up for the winter.
Heard about the league..
by Julia, Nikki, & Sylvia
Now, what I heard going around the league was..
UB Rednecks:
Thanks a lot, Emmitt!
Big Galoots:
Fred Barnett released from Dolphins! Whoa!
Angry Amoebas:
We're knocking on the door...
Vipers:
Viperville Express, leaving on track 2.
Dingos:
Dingleberry, you say???
Lizzzards:
Elvis and Napoleon carried the day.
America's Team:
YOUR'E a dingleberry, John!
Legends:
Bam Morris released from jail! Whoa!
Pocono Pounders:
Aaaagh! This is getting monotonous.
Culture Shock:
Notice that the frying pan is just over the Slasher's head!
Slashers:
Oh, we're SOOO cranky this week. Just LOOK at the point totals, will you?
Terminators:
Hey, guys, guess who gets $10.00 this week? (Yes, I do, Paul)
Sincerely,
Anonymous reporter
THE GAMES: Week 8
Stats are actually correct except for Dave's cause Paul is happy this week. (Hey, Paul, don't worry, be happy, and lose to the Galoots next week)
This week's results (bullet denotes correct guess - er - prediction):
| Amoebas oozed by Pounders | Amoebas 36, Pounders 15 | |
| * | Galoots 'looted by Legends | Legends 54, Galoots 25 |
| * | Americas Team takes Dingos to dog pound | Americas 59, Dingos 34 |
| Vipers continue to amaze, stop Terminators | Terminators 60, Vipers 45 | |
| Culture gets Slashed | Culture 53, Slashers 43 | |
| * | Lizzzards crawl all over Rednecks, send them to Ostrich Farm. | Lizzzards 46, UB's 14 |
| Amoebas slimed by Terminators |
| Galoots railroad Americas Team |
| Legends roll, flatten Pounders |
| Dingos choke the Culture, but... |
| Rednecks dull the Slashers |
| Vipers over Lizzzards by a snake-eye (1 point) |
| odds that these picks are correct: 0 to 0 |
OWNER COMMENTS (Where
Trash Talk Rules): Week 8 - FREE SONG THIS WEEK:
Slashers to Galoots after their loss:
I told you to pick up T.Brown and 'PLAY' him. Here's a little tidbit for the stinkin herald:
"It's pretty pathetic when you lead the league in points and are in 8th place!! And then you got the sly stinkin Lyle Lovett Lizards in collusion with Culture Club...and Boy George, I mean Boy Gus! Here's their take on Karma Chameleon, you guys all know that song, right? I'm sure you all have the album!
Ellen (Chorus)"Carma carma carma carma carma Chameleon ...you come and go you come and goooahooo....
Levit Liz: you can beat the slashers if I give you eddie george..he runs and scores he runs and scooores..
Boy Gus: "Every day is like survival...Dave..., you're my lover ..not my rival....."
Ellen (Chorus)"Carma carma carma carma carma Chameleon ...you come and go you come and goooahooo....winning can be easy when you come and trade me guys, they run and score , they run and score...
Signed, Kenny!
Keiths response:
oops - I thought you said SIT him. Anyway, your letter will appear in it's *edited* form as you requested., including your new HIT song!
ed note - you don't want to see the *original* note. Also, now I am afraid to go to sleep tonight, as I may have nightmares about this song!
______________________________________________________________________
NEXT - after cc-ing Paul on the scores against Mike S, we tried some trash-to-trash.
Galoots:
Good morning, Mr Winner(Mike)!
I am officially conceding this weeks game (this is getting to be a habit). I needed a big passing game from Elway but instead he gives to Davis! And to top it all, they lost the game!!
Of course, TDs were scored by 2 of my backup WRs, Troy Brown and Bert Emanuel. Matt's trade of Jefferson to me did absolutely nothing! I'll be busy consoling myself with The Herald and planning my attack on Paul next week as Elway recovers.
Keiths
Americas Team:
Attack? I'm hurt. You dont want to beat me do ya? I know you dont, not deep down.
Galoots:
OK, Paul, have it your way. I'll just play my best guys and we'll see who wins. (reminder - New England just LOST to the Jets and now play the cheeseheads!)
My fearless, but not flawless, predictions:
Elway will pass for at least 3 tds as they finally get a break
Murrell will have a nice week off (lucky you)
Charles Way will score against Blake and those lowly Bengals
Levens will run for 2 tds - ok, ok, just one td.
my motley assortment of WRs will score at least 2 tds - WHO will I pick - even I don't know yet.
Sharpe will finally run one in, since Emmitt finally did too.
Jacksonville will continually stall at the 35 yard line allowing Hollis to kick lots of 45 yard field goals.
StLou defense might make one sack on KC!
Be afraid! Be very afraid!
Americas Team:
Denver just LOST to Oakland. I think the Jets have a better record then the Raiders.
I only need Bledsoe to throw a couple TDs. He did it in the Superbowl and a few weeks ago too.
Elway's arm looked a little worn yesterday dont you think?
Galoots:
Shoulda won. Also shoulda been in the Superbowl. I think Elway did look good, it's just that his receievers were covered well, so sure, he did look a little tired at the end but the did attempt a comeback.
Let's see - Denver vs. Buffalo, NE vs. Green Bay.
Which one would YOU pick to win???
I fearlessly predict: (Denver 45 Buffalo 20) (Green Bay 34 NE 26)
Anyway, I'll pick the RIGHT WRs this week!
Americas Team:
Even with NE getting 26, someone scores a TD or two right? NE can lose all they want, as long as some TDs are tossed.
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