Keese's Korner - week 3
presented by The CyberCops precinct headquarters
Week 2:
High score goes to The Crunch (breakfast of champions)!
Congratulations.
This week's rule change: Special teams only score
'offensive' points (excludes recovered fumbles/ints, which
go to the defense) because the stats don't distinguish
between fumbles/ints recovered by defense and those
recovered by special teams.
I personally think the 'program' is a little 'offensive', don't you?
Hey, as long as my special team keeps producing points, it's fine with me.
Keese's trash talk with the Princess reaches new lows. Looks like a true
season rivalry. Mr Vega remains silent (smart boy).
Shock 'forgets' or 'mistakenly' doesn't play Steve Young, missing out on many
points and still wins. Will this error come back to haunt them in the playoffs???
Savage Squirrels scoring coup AGAIN with Seattle defense.
Sick Call:
More and more quarterbacks hurt. Scott Mitchell, however, just has his
feelings hurt by being demoted to THIRD STRING! At last count, 11 out of 30 starting
quarterbacks (according to sports broadcast) have been injured (though some
have come back). Get me a bandaid, nurse.
Sneaky Keese:
Accused of being 'oooh, sneaky' after making trade with Mr Skinner this week.
From one of our readers:
An unofficial report from the UB Rednecks camp:
The Rednecks were so disgruntled with the Slushies
for not sending in their week's line-up that we had no
choice but to WHOP 'EM in the 2nd round!
- anonymous
From another reader :
Headline : THE SHARKS TO MAKE PLAYOFFS WHEN PIGS FLY!
- anonymous team owner.
Below is actual video of a swooping swine, thereby guaranteeing a playoff
berth for The Sharks.
Say What?
Speaking of The UB Rednecks, seems Phyllis and Csaba are having trouble
communicating. Must be that Billy-Bob is becoming more of a
Hungarian-Redneck-Amish type now that he's spending too much time
in Hershey. Or, could be that the chocolate is just going to his head.
Cartman says:
Ohhhhhh, rainBOWS!
Cartman on Dolphins :
A)Dolphins are stupid
B)Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonaise.
Cyber Cops guest cop of the week:
ROBOCOP!
OK, folks, you asked for it (well, no, you didn't, but here it is anyway)
I Have A Dream:
The following is a true, actual dream I had, except that I woke up and had to
finish it with a made-for-TV movie ending:
This should also be a Good Test for all you wanna-be shrinks out there. I already analyzed some of it and a lot of this refers to things at the stores I was at that day, nothing more. Remember, I'm NOT perverted or anything, just ask my intern.
My character is being played by Jim Carrey
I'm going to this new trendy California-style restaurant where you can have
dinner and also do a workout and have saunas, etc. As I go in I want to have a
shower first, but instead I have to go to a table for dinner instead. I complain to
a woman who also doesn't like this situation. When I am seated, I notice they have a
black and white movie running (kind of like at Ground Round). I remark that it's
the same movie of stampeding cattle that was played at a restaurant called
'Lorenzo's'. I am told that this is that same restaurant with a new owner.
Except they made a mistake and are running the movie backwards! While being served dinner I find out about a plot that there are many top executives in the restaurant that are going to be mind controlled somehow and taken over by the guy who runs the restaurant. I run out and try to get help, along with two other guys who listen to me, but at the entrance we are blocked by the pretty receptionist who looks somewhat like Janet Jackson, and two other women. They try to come on to us and let us sit in their laps, but at the last minute I realize that her hot pink and orange lipstick is actually some kind of drug, so I run away, leaving those other two guys to their fate.
Running into another room which is something like an auditorium, I see all
the top HMO executives fallen asleep (being mind controlled, no doubt). Seeing a bin of
those fake lemons and limes which contain lemon and lime juice, I start throwing
them at these guys yelling, 'Get up, get up, you have to get out of here'. Then I
run up to the front of the room, throw open a door to the control room, and find out
that it is actually a bathroom (occupied)' . 'Hey get out of here' the guy says.
'oops, sorry' I say.
and then...
I woke up,
Although I will finish the story anyway. You can add your own ending if you
want. I go to the door next to this one and open it and inside is the evil Rosanne!
'You won't get away with this' I said. 'why are you doing this anyway?'. 'To get free face lifts, of course' she replies. 'You'll never take me alive', and she jumps out the window.
Down below, the police gather and look down at the crumpled body. Her real face looks just like the Joker at the end of the Batman movie!
(cue evil Rosanne laugh heh heh heh heh heh)
THE END!!!!
ps Rosanne, good luck on your new TV talk show, feel free to invite me.
Due to the length of my psychotic dream, trash talk will be posponed until
next week.
Get your lineups in, folks, before Saturday midnight, and your
add/drop/changes by Thursday noon. And hey, let's be careful out there.
KEESE