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LOVE

JIMMY

James’s Journal

Love is beautiful.

Love shines her warm light even into the heart of someone as miserable as myself. Love brings me immortal hopes in my gloomiest days.

Love.

Love is Anne.

Love is the beauty, and Anne is the beauty, and Anne is love.

Anne’s imperfectly beautiful personality and appearance radiates warmth into my pathetic soul, making me realise that I am alive, that there is still a pulse beating in my body, that I still have a pure feeling that shines brightly despite my ugly mind and body. I am ugly. I look ugly, I have ugly thoughts, and I have ugly personality. Therefore I am ugly. What I can say though is that my feeling towards Anne is beautiful, because it is so pure. I recognise her physical beauty, but I do not long to possess and exploit her flesh and bones. I do recognise some faults in her personality, but I believe in her pure, clean soul.

But that’s why I cannot love her.

I, as an ugly creature, a sick joke of God, cannot possibly have right to love such a beauty as Anne. Even if I could love her, it is only my forbidden poor dream to wish that my feeling towards Anne would be mutually met. I don’t know why I wish that Anne would feel the same way towards me. I know it won’t happen. Why the hell would anybody have such a beautiful feeling as love for me? Beside that… if I really loved Anne as I say, if it was true that I simply admire her beautiful soul without any desire to possess her in anyway, why would I ever wish that she would love me too? I feel like I am dirtying the name of love by saying that I love Anne… but there is this undeniable feeling inside me and I don’t know how else to call it but love.

Jenny was sitting in an Irish pub. Her two friends that came with her had already left to go home, but Jenny had decided that she would stay around for another hour to enjoy her solitude. Her watch said that it was a quarter past twelve, already a new day. She threw a glance at her half-full glass of gin-tonic. Rather big ice cubes looked so pretty reflecting and refracting the candle light on her table. It has been a fun night. Jenny and her friends had really good time. Sophie, one of Jenny’s friends, got hooked up with a very cute looking guy called Bob. Jenny didn’t really like him much, but she had to agree with Sophie that he was a good looking guy. Bob told them lots of jokes, some funny and some rather vulgar. Jenny had no problem with dirty jokes, but it was just that Bob wasn’t only telling vulgar jokes, but he himself seemed to be rather vulgar. By the end of night Bob and Sophie were already french kissing and Jenny didn’t miss Bob’s hand crawling under Sophie’s black leather mini-skirt. Sophie was a pretty girl with very out going character. She could always get a guy when she wanted to, and so could Jenny according to Sophie and Gina – Jenny’s other friend. But Jenny wasn’t sure. She knew she looked pretty and she knew that there were some guys out there who claim that they are in love with her. Jenny didn’t believe them though. She always dreamt of a real love, and Jenny’s idea of real love was not exactly what Jenny knew to be the feelings of her admirers – animalistic lust for her body. Jenny frowned in disgust, as she thought about all these guys jacking off while imagining herself naked. ‘Animals…’, she thought. Why couldn’t she find someone who shared same idea about love as her? A guy, who loved her soul, was what she was looking for. She was already seventeen years old and hasn’t had a boy friend yet. Jenny sighed at the thought. The world was just full of too many jerks.

"How are you doin’ babe?", a male voice interrupted Jenny’s train of thoughts.

Jenny looked up and saw a tall guy with long brown hair standing in front of her.

"Not bad.", she replied and looked down at her now a quarter-full glass again.

"Looking for some company maybe? You look kinda lonely to me.", the guy said with a grin on his face.

"No thanks. I enjoy being alone"

"I bet you wouldn’t after having my company", the guy laughed after saying that and held one of Jenny’s hand with his two hands.

"Don’t be so shy, girl"

"Could you please let go of my hand?", Jenny felt her heart beating as she said those words.

"I’m afraid I can’t", the guy answered with a chuckle.

"Leave her alone", another voice appeared from behind the man.

"What’s your problem, dude?", the guy holding Jenny’s hand replied with annoyed voice.

"C’mon, she doesn’t want you.", there was a cute looking blonde guy standing next to the tall guy now.

"What you mean she doesn’t want me? She’s just shy"

"C’mon. If a girl doesn’t want you, she doesn’t want you."

The tall guy then said something between his teeth and walked away, giving a rather friendly slap on the blonde guy’s shoulder.

"Thank you", said Jenny to the blonde.

"I’m sorry about my friend"

"He’s your friend?"

"Yeah, sort of… my name’s Abe", and he extended his hand to Jenny.

"My name’s Jenny", said Jenny with a bright smile and shook Abe’s hand.

"I love you, Aaron"

"I love you, Kate"

Kate and Aaron then hugged each other. They’ve been walking around the park near a lake and were now sitting on a bench facing the lake. Aaron brought his face closer to Kate and Kate gently kissed him on the lips. They both closed their eyes and let their tongue meet and love each other in the way they always do.

Kate and Aaron have been together for two months now. Their relationship has been very deep and passionate. Kate loved Aaron with all her heart and so did Aaron. Neither of them could think of having a ‘good time’ without each other. Since they got together they’ve been literally inseparable. When they couldn’t meet, they talked on the phone. When one of them had to go away for couple of days, both of them longed for each other more than a prisoner longs for freedom. When they were together, both of them felt strong electricity flowing in their body and there were feathers floating everywhere under the fluffy pink sky. It was the deepest and the sweetest love they’ve ever experienced in eighteen years of their lives.

James saw Kate and Aaron kissing from fifty metres away. James knew he was already ten minutes late but he didn’t really care, because he knew that Kate and Aaron wouldn’t even have noticed if he didn’t come to meet them. When James approached them he stood about two metres away from the lovers and began to stare at the calm lake. He didn’t want to interrupt. About three minutes later Kate opened her eyes and saw James through corner of her eyes. She smiled briefly and went on with kissing. Aaron hadn’t even noticed yet that James was there already. After another two minutes Kate pulled back from Aaron and greeted James. It was only then that Aaron noticed James.

"Hey, James. What’s up. I didn’t know that you are here already", said Aaron.

"I’m about fifteen minutes late", said James with indifferent voice.

"Oh, are you?", Aaron said and looked at Kate. They exchanged a smile and kissed again for couple of seconds.

"I’m so glad that we are all out here again. We haven’t done this for such a long time!", said Kate with a rather exaggerated tone. James thought Kate’s head was like a hot red balloon filled with helium, and when she spoke, it was that hot helium coming out and making sound.

"Two months, it’s been", said James with indifferent tone.

"Oh, my god", Kate squealed and rolled her eyes.

"So what are we going to do now?", she continued.

"Boat ride?", James suggested with still monotonous voice.

"Yeah. That’s a great idea", Aaron said and looked at Kate. They kissed again for a short time.

"You know Aaron. Me and James used to go on the boat ride whenever we came here. It’s kinda cold today but it had always been so nice when we used to come here in last fall", Kate said with her sweet voice, not forgetting to extend ‘so’ to ‘sooo’ as she always did.

"Yeah", said James in a dull voice while remembering all the time he spent with Kate before.

"But now I’m her boy friend", said Aaron firmly. He then smiled. Kate looked at him and smiled too. They kissed again for a bit longer this time.

Five minutes later three of them were sitting in a pedal-boat on the lake. Aaron and Kate were pedalling together in the front and James was sitting at the backseat. Kate was on the stirring wheel. James remembered that Kate always liked to stir.

"Did you hear about the terrorist bombing, James?", asked Aaron.

"Yeah, I did", James replied with an more enthusiastic tone.

"That’s so terrible, Aaron, isn’t it? Why do people always kill each other?", Kate said with a whiny voice.

"Honey, unfortunately there are some crazy people in this world", Aaron replied.

"I don’t think I can call them crazy", James said.

"What?! Don’t tell me you agree with some terrorists killing innocent people!", Aaron exclaimed.

"Sometimes that is the only way that a minority group can use to fight for their right", James said firmly.

"You won’t say that if one of your family was killed from the terrorist bombing", Aaron said to James.

"There is no need to bring my irrational personal feelings into a rational social problem"

"You’re fucking nuts", Aaron said and chuckled.

"Stop arguing. You guys always argue", Kate jumped into the conversation.

"I don’t think people’s carelessness would improve our society", said James, slightly annoyed.

"But don’t you see that things will never get better? Our society has never been worse or better than it is now, and it will never be any worse or better in future, because when something gets better, something else will always get worse", Kate said, feeling smart for what she thought. For a brief moment, James depicted himself jumping out of boat and drowning himself to death. He couldn’t swim.

"Why do we live then?", asked James with a tired voice.

"To enjoy", replied Kate and smiled with Aaron. James smiled a different smile as Aaron and Kate kissed again.

"I’m sooo cool~!", said Kate.

For a brief moment James depicted himself slapping Kate upside her head. Kate and Aaron stopped pedalling and began to french kiss each other. James saw Aaron’s hand feeling Kate’s ass. Kate’s hand was now rubbing Aaron’s crutch through his jeans. James just realised that only a minute ago, both of them were talking about how horrible it was that people died from a terrorist bombing. James drifted away into his imagination as Kate was now sticking her hand inside Aaron’s jeans to give him a hand job. In his imagination there were thousands of people whose skins were being peeled off by a rusty razor blade. Kate and Aaron were among those people but they weren’t being peeled off. However, in that bloody mess of people, Aaron was fucking Kate from behind – doggie style. James could clearly see the smile of pleasure in their faces among the thousands of bloody faces screaming in pain. James woke up from his day dreaming as the moaning sound of Kate and Aaron got louder. Aaron was now fingering Kate as he was getting a hand job. Their breath got faster in a synchronised rhythm and soon both of them were panting like a pair of dogs. Suddenly there was a break in their rhythm and the only sound left was deep sighs of pleasure from the lovers.

"I love you", James heard them whisper at the same time.

Josh was sitting at the back row of math classroom. The monotonous voice of math teacher was penetrating into his one ear and was coming out through his other ear. Josh was bored of the math class, or rather, Josh had other things in his mind than math that he was supposed to be learning. Josh was starring at the back of James sitting in front of him. James was scribbling something in a frantic speed but Josh knew James wasn’t doing anything that has to do with math. For a brief moment Josh felt jealous because he knew that James was writing poems about Anne, a girl in the other class, who would be having geography at the moment. The feeling of jealousy didn’t last for long. Josh was soon feeling rather sad. He was such a good friend of James and they both know that there isn’t any other person that understood James better than Josh. For Josh it seemed just so natural that him and James would become a lover. But James was in love with Anne, madly, and Josh couldn’t yet tell James about the way he felt about him. Josh knew that James wasn’t a homosexual, and he was always scared that James would freak out and abandon him when he finds out that Josh was a gay. Josh couldn’t understand though. Why should sexuality play a role in love? Josh knew the way James loved Anne. James was in love with Anne’s soul as he told Josh so many times before. But in Josh’s eyes, James was in love with Josh’s soul too. Josh knew that at least he was in love with James’ soul, and Josh realised everyday how beautiful person James is, inside and outside. Josh knew that James loved him too. But why? Why couldn’t they become lovers? If what James say about Anne is true, that his love is nothing but a pure admiration of Anne’s beautiful soul, that he has no sexual desire towards Anne’s beautiful body, then why couldn’t he say that he loves Josh, who he claims to be his soul mate, whose soul that he loves without having any sexual desire towards his body? In Josh’s eyes it was the true love. Perhaps it was under the influence of James that Josh began to believe true love to be detached from physical desires. But then, according to the definition of love stated by James himself, wasn’t James clearly in true love with Josh? Josh was sad that James couldn’t see that. Despite his claims, James didn’t seem to have overcome what he call ‘animalistic sexual drive’, because if he did really over come ‘animalistic sexual drive’ he would admit that he is truly in love with Josh, whose difference with Anne is only his sexuality. But Josh still believed in James. Josh believed that James was someone who understood what true love is. It wasn’t ‘animalistic sexual drive’ that James didn’t overcome, it was social conventionality that James didn’t overcome yet. It is the damned society who made love between two boys seem to be something unacceptable. Yup, that’s what it is. James only needs some time to see things more clearly, and until then, Josh will stay faithful to James with his love. James suddenly turned back and looked at Josh. Josh felt that James was radiating comforting warmth in his invisible way. Josh knew that’s what James thinks Anne does to him. Josh understood. This is a real love. James was so sweet in Josh’s eyes and suddenly Josh felt a strong urge to just hug James and give him a kiss. Bang. Josh banged his head on the desk. ‘How did I dare to have such a thought about James. What a shame…’, thought Josh, now feeling pain in his forehead. It didn’t take long for him to realise that the whole class, including his James, was starring at him in amazement.

"Don’t fall asleep", said the math teacher with a chuckle and the whole class began to laugh. Josh felt embarrassed and his face blushed. James didn’t laugh out loud. He was just smiling instead.

"Keep on breathing", said James to Josh and winked. Then he turned around again to write some more poems about Anne. James is such an adorable guy.

Jenny was listening to music in her bedroom, thinking about the previous night. It was just like a dream, or maybe a sweet fairy tale. First came a villain who threatened the princess, then came the prince to rescue the princess… and then? They both lived together happily ever after. The last part didn’t happen yet but Jenny had a good feeling that something great would develop between her and Abe. After Abe got rid of his jerky friend, they sat together and talked for couple of hours over the dimming candlelight. Abe bought some sweet tasting cocktails and they shared it. Jenny thought it was so romantic to share a cocktail with such a great guy over a candle lit table. Abe didn’t try to do anything to Jenny that all the ordinary boys tried to do, such as trying to hold her hands or kiss her. He didn’t even ask if she had a boyfriend or not. He didn’t attempt to get her drunk. He didn’t stare at her breasts. He only looked into her eyes and talked in the sweetest tone Jenny has ever heard. They didn’t even dance. They just sat there whole night, face to face, and talked about this and that and those. It hasn’t even been a day since she saw him last – first actually, and she couldn’t wait till tomorrow when they were supposed to meet again at the park by the lake.

"James, please help me out", Aaron said with a despair on his face. James and Aaron were sitting in a Chinese restaurant, having just finished their lunch and now sipping their coke.

"I know what happened. Kate called me last night crying"

"I knew she told you. You and her are such good friends, just like me and you" As James heard Aaron saying these words, he began to wonder how little time Aaron spent with him after he got together with Kate.

"Yes. Just like you and me", James replied, now wondering how little time James spent with Kate after she got together with Aaron. True friends they are, he thought and smiled a bitter smile inside.

"You know, it was a terrible mistake. For an exception, I was in the Irish pub without Kate but with a couple of my guy friends and there she was, this hot blonde chick with tank tops and a mini skirt. Then the guys began to make bets and I was in it before I knew it. So the bet was who could score on this chick and I being my typical self couldn’t help but jump in and win the bet. So we made out for a while and all that and guess what, this chick was a sister of Kate’s friend boom, Kate finds out about it the next day, calls me on the phone crying, swearing at me calling me names and all that crap. I knew I was bad but I began to get all annoyed ‘cause she was bitching too seriously so I yelled at her and she said we’re finished and just hung up"

"So it’s been two days now?"

"Yes"

"And you didn’t cal l her back or talk to her in school?"

"No. I wanted to talk to her about it face to face and she’s been avoiding me in school"

"There isn’t much to do. Just go to her and say you’re sorry and all that"

"I know I know. But I want you to talk to her and say that I’m really regretting what I did and make sure that she understands it was only a bet and I still love her and all that"

"I guess I could do that"

"Thank you buddy. You’re my best buddy ever"

They both stared at the table for a while and didn’t say a word. James didn’t want to think about the issue himself. He knew Aaron is not a kind of guy who could stay on one girl, and Kate is kind of a girl who loves only one guy at a time and believes that the lovers should fuck only each other. James didn’t want to think about what happened and what will happen because he knew that thinking about them will only make him hate Kate and Aaron even more now. He was just going to do what he was told to do, say things that he didn’t believe in and settle the matter. He was too tired to care about them and he knew there was no need to worry. They’re going to get together again and fuck away like two dogs in heat and everything will be as before.

"I’ll see her today then", said James.

"Jenny", Jenny heard Abe shouting out her name and waving his hand to her. She replied with a smile and walked towards the bench by the lake that Abe was sitting on.

"Hi, Abe"

"Want to go for a boat ride?"

"Sure"

The boat ride was nice. When they were talking on the boat Jenny felt like she had known him for years and that it was a sick joke of God that they haven’t met any earlier in their life. Abe was as charming as she could imagine a guy can be and everything seemed pink and fluffy when she was with him. After the boat ride they walked around the lake and the more time Jenny spent with Abe the more she was becoming aware of the feeling that was growing inside her. It sounded crazy to her, but she was in love with this guy that she’d met only two days before.

Kate stopped sobbing in James’ arms shortly and now she was lying on a couch while James was massaging her head, cracking a couple of jokes to lift her mood. She was feeling a lot better now and said that she trusts Aaron and realises that he still loves her and that she still loves him. She called him a five minutes ago and he was already on his way to her house. When they heard the bell ring Kate jumped up and ran to the door. Not a second after the two lovers were hugging each other again, kissing each other again, feeling each other’s body again – madly in love. James stood up and said that he had some work to do home and left. Neither of the lovers heard what he said, and neither of them knew that he left. Still exploring each other’s mouth with their tongues the lovers moved down to the living room, jumped on the couch and began to rip each other’s clothe off like mad beasts. Aaron was rubbing her nipples with his thumbs while Kate was thrusting her pelvis onto his groin. Rubbing his dick hidden in the boxers with her flesh under the silk material. Aaron pulled down his boxers and began to move his hips to rub his dick on her pussy in a frantic speed. He could feel her silk panty getting wet as he speeded up his rubbing. He was now squeezing her breasts and biting into her soft neck. Her hands were gripping his ass and her nails were digging into his skin. Aaron couldn’t stand it any longer so he pulled Kate’s panty down to her thighs and shoved his dick into her wet pussy. She was trying to open her legs wider but she couldn’t because her pink underwear was holding her thighs together, stretching as much as it could before ripping. Her thigh muscles were getting tense and her grips on his ass were getting stronger and her nails were digging deeper. Aaron was using all his strength to pump her pussy tight and lose. He could feel her ass bounce like a rubber ball on the couch each time he thrust his dick. They were both closing their eyes and were moaning or screaming. Aaron’s chest was squeezing Kate’s breasts and her erect nipples were tickling his heart. The room was filled with sound of two lovers screaming and a wet flesh moving in and out of another wet flesh. And then he came into her as both of them were running out of breath from screaming and humping. The cum was dripping out of her pussy, rolling down to her ass and wetting the couch. All of their muscles were getting tense and their bodies were shaking from the tension. When the moment passed away they were lying on the couch, Kate in Aaron’s arms and Aaron’s dick still in Kate’s pussy and her pink silk panty still holding her thighs together. The only sound left in the room was two lovers breathing heavily and the two lovers whispering ‘I love you’ into each other’s ear.

This room smells like fish. Somebody has been making love.

James was walking around the lake by the park all alone. He briefly thought about Aaron and Kate and knew what they would be doing by then. They would be ‘making love’. Something quite different than what he feels for Anne, James thought. He was then thinking about Anne and only Anne. When he saw a girl and a boy walking together on the other side of the lake he wished with all his heart that it were him and Anne walking together. Only to be able to spend a day with her by this lake, and letting her know how he felt and telling her how beautiful she is would be the greatest experience in the history of mankind.

"See that guy over there. He’s all alone", Abe said with a sympathetic tone.

"Yes, indeed, and he’s looking at us", Jenny nodded.

"How lucky I am to be accompanied by such a beauty that people stop and stare at us"

"How lucky am I then?"

They both smiled and continued their way to Abe’s house near by. They were going to watch some romantic movie at his place and have dinner together. Abe was eighteen and was living alone. He said he was taking a year off before he moves to another town to start his college and was living alone until then.

Jenny was already loving the movie although it wasn’t even a half way through. Abe was sitting beside her on the couch holding a bowl of pop corn, occasionally shoving some into Jenny’s mouth and making her giggle. Then came the sex scene in the movie. The main guy and the girl have finally confessed their love to each other and ended up on guy’s bed under the dim red light. Slow music was flowing and the only sound that filled the room was the sound of the lovers moaning. It was then that Jenny felt Abe’s face approaching and kissing her cheek. It was just a kiss on the cheek, but it was such a sensation that it made her shiver. She then turned to face Abe and saw his reassuring smile. She had never kissed before and she knew now was the time, and with someone that she truly loved at that. Abe’s lips met Jenny’s lips and things stayed like that for a couple of seconds. Then she found Abe’s tongue gently opening her lips and making its way into Jenny’s untouched tongue. It was such a shock, a pleasant and electrifying sensation that she had never felt before. The whole world seemed to be spinning around them to her and she felt like she was in nirvana. Abe’s hand then began to rub her thigh slowly through the stocking. Jenny was feeling his warm palm on her thigh and was sensing a sort of discomfort growing inside her stomach. She felt his fingers coming under the stocking and pulling it down close to her knees and his now hot palm rubbing her thigh harder than before. She began to twitch and grap Abe by his shoulders and tried to push him away but he didn’t give in. Instead he pressed her down on the couch and went on with kissing. Jenny was getting scared and broke off the kiss. Abe then stared into her eyes and said with his comforting voice that it’s all okay. Jenny told him that she really loved him and all but she just didn’t want to do it now, and the sex can wait for a while until they get closer. Abe frowned and asked her until when, and Jenny replied ‘in about three month’. Abe chuckled loudly and said things that tore her heart apart.

"What the fuck were you thinking? That I want to marry you and live with you? How dumb can you be? You’re prettier than you’re smart. Ever since I saw you all I wanted to do was fuck your brain out"

Jenny tried to get up while screaming but Abe slapped her across the face three times. Her cheeks were burning red now and she burst out into tears. Abe just laughed and pinned her down on the couch. He held her wrists for a minute or two while she was struggling to free herself, occasionally slapping her face. After a while she seemed to be given up the fight. He then held her by the hair and dragged her across the house into his bedroom, and threw her on his bed. She was still weeping but there was no sign of any strength left in her eyes. Abe grinned and jumped on the bed. He felt Jenny’s smooth legs from her ankle to her soft thigh. His hand crawled under her tight black skirt and his palm rested on the hot mound covered in cotton. Abe used his other hand to open the buttons of Jenny’s white blouse and used his tongue to taste her white lacey bra. His hand was now pulling her head back by her hair as he began to slowly lick the little white flower decoration on her bra between two cups. His nose was rubbing between her breasts and the hand in her skirt was now rubbing the cotton panty too while Jenny’s both hands were hanging lose. Abe’s tongue was now licking her left nipple through the bra in a circular motion and his hand came out of the skirt to open its zipper on the side. His fingers went under her white cotton panty just under her hipbones. Abe pulled down her panty in a very slow motion as Jenny’s whole body seemed to be trembling – only for a briefest moment. The panty was now stuck by her ankles and Abe’s right hand was free to roam around her pelvis and slowly make its way down to her pussy while his left hand went around her hips to feel the crack of her ass. Jenny didn’t have a single thought in her head when she felt his finger rub her baby skin above her pussy with her soft brown pubic hair. No sensation that she felt when she was kissing only a moment ago. This could have been all nice, an experience to remember and a memory to treasure. To think about what was happening brought her sorrow and unbearable heartache and she began to weep out loud, but all she got in return was another round of slaps on her face and angry voice of Abe telling her to shut the fuck up. Abe continued to do his business. He licked his fingers on the left hand wet and moved them down her ass again. After travelling down the crack between her bare ass cheek his wet middle finger was rubbing her tight asshole in a circular motion, trying to throb into her ass in a spiral movement. Abe was mumbling between his teeth while grinning, saying something like ‘Man, you’re tight’. The pain was unbearable when his middle finger went into her tight pink asshole down to the first joint. He then rested his finger there for a moment and moved his attention to her pussy. He opened her pussy lips with his index finger and the ring finger while his middle finger searched for the opening, squeezing her clitoris without a care every now and then. She didn’t have courage to scream out the pain so she cried instead. Abe was getting slightly annoyed by the fact that she was all dry. So he took off his right hand from her pussy and licked it wet too just to continue his mission. Finally his middle finger was entering her tight tight pussy that’s never been entered before. What Abe felt was an ecstasy, what Jenny felt was a growing discomfort in her stomach. The both middle fingers continued their digging mission and pain was simply getting bigger without a limit. Jenny couldn’t hold back any more and went on to a fit of screaming, which only seemed to excite Abe even more. The next few hours are just a vague, but yet unforgettable memory for Jenny. All of Abe’s fingers had their chance to travel into Jenny’s asshole and vagina as deep as they could go. There have been a forced blowjob and a choking deep throating, painful biting and nibbling of nipples and squeezing of tits, ass cheek burning palm spanking and ass pumping that made her feel like she was going to explode. Abe fucked her everywhere, in her face, in her ass, between her tits, between her knees, as though he wanted to drive every single bit of virginity out of her body. Finally he tore her hymen open and filled her invaded vagina with hot milky cum. After everything was done she was told that the whole process was filmed, and the film will be given to his friend, who will release it on the internet as soon as anything lawful happens to Abe. He also promised Jenny that he will personally hunt her to the edge of the world and push her down the cliff if she even thinks about telling on him to anyone. When she got dressed and was leaving the house without a word and no more tears to shed, Abe threw her a dime and said she could come back anytime she wanted to get some more, and burst out laughing. Jenny left him and the dime behind and walked out of the hell she had seen. Her ass and her pussy were so sore that she could barely walk, and when she was walking along the lake by the park she decided to get on the boat and never to set her foot on the ground again. Not even an hour later the cops were closing the black plastic bag that held a drowned girl.

10.

James’s Journal

‘I read a news today oh boy’. A girl was raped and drowned herself in the lake. ‘The crowd of people stood and stared/ they’ve seen her face before’, no one was really sure if she was just one of us. I’d love to kill you all.

That was it. I had no doubt that the girl I saw across the lake was the girl found dead in the lake. There were two pictures on today’s morning newspaper. One of them was her facial photo where she was smiling brightly and the other one was an enlarged picture of her pale face just before it vanished into the black plastic bag of the police. One minute alive, the next minute dead. It was like seeing someone dead and alive at the same time. For a moment I thought it was just like what being in love was like. Being alive and dead at the same time because of that love, which takes over the control over one’s self. This whole thing seemed to have some sort of deeper meaning to me. There was a girl - alive, and there was a sexual intercourse, and there she was again – dead. It’s like how I always imagined love to be. The true love dies once the physical bodies get involved, and the outcome is nothing but a flesh without a soul. At least that’s what I’ve learned from Kate and Aaron’s relationship. To me, what they call love, seemed to be nothing but playful experiments with each other’s flesh and bones. Sure they said that their sexual relationship was purely driven by their deep feelings for each other, but how could the foolish creatures like us distinguish a physical sensation from spiritual presence of emotion? Is absence of physical desires the only way to build a spiritual love? If love is an emotion, then it should remain as an emotion. If the feeling of love is enhanced or confirmed by physical activities such as sex, then love is no longer a tool to enhance one’s physical sensation. I don’t know. Everything is so fucking fucked up.

Anyway, I’ve already sent a postage mail under an anonymous name to the police office on my way to school this morning, describing the man I saw with Jenny as best as I could, giving them the approximate time I saw them and the direction they went together. I don’t know what would happen from now on, but all I know is that to everybody in this world this incident is nothing but just a little part of ‘a day in the life’. Jenny will be quickly forgotten and after a week nobody would be talking about it anymore and her existence in this world would be vanished – just like the true love had vanished in this world.

11.

Pete was comforting Catherine, who’s been crying for hours in his arms now. No word could comfort her, and he knew exactly that no word could comfort him either. They’ve hurriedly started their way home last night from their business trip after the urgent call of the local police department. It was already past ten in the morning when they arrived in town, checked their daughter’s body and heard painful description from the bunch of cops about what happened and how they will do their best to find the ‘sick criminal’. When they returned home the only thing that was waiting for them was the morning newspaper with their now dead daughter’s pictures and a catchy headline on the front page accompanied by a colourful advertisement about a new bra that’ll make any girl look ‘hot and sexy’. Catherine didn’t think she had any more tears left to shed, but when she picked up the newspaper she was proven wrong, and her tears seemed to be ran out after another couple of hours. Now she was sobbing quietly in Pete’s arms on the couch in their living room. Pete was constantly whispering something into her ear but she could not make anything out of it. She was slowly regaining her control as Pete’s reassuringly strong arms were hugging her tight and his warm hand was rubbing her back up and down. Catherine looked up and saw the tears in Pete’s eyes and muttered about how much she loved her daughter. Pete replied with a sad tone, saying that he loved her so much too. Catherine gave a dry kiss on Pete’s cheek and Pete kissed on Catherine’s cheek back that was now wet with tears. Catherine then kissed Pete’s neck and felt his Adam’s apple with her lips as he sniffed the familiar scent of her shampoo from her hair. Pete’s palms were rubbing her back even more gently now and Catherine threw her arms around his neck now, looking up into his eyes again. Pete moved his lips closer to Catherine’s and they kissed with dry lips, but soon enough Catherine’s tongue was wetting each other’s lips and crawling into Pete’s mouth where his eager tongue welcomed her with passion. There were some exchange of saliva with love and more rubbing on the back. It didn’t take long until both of them were pressing on to each other’s hot body only in their underwear. With her slightly plump, but not fat tummy Catherine was rubbing Pete’s rock hard cock through his expansive red silk boxers while sucking on his nipples and feeling his strong shoulders. Pete was moving Catherine up and down holding her hips, plunging his fingers into the soft flesh around her waist. Catherine then took off her bra as Pete’s fingers were fondling her red string tanga between her shivering ass cheeks. All of their underwear was now off and Catherine wrapped Pete’s cock with her string tanga and began to milk it, increasing the speed of the movement at a constant pace. Very unexpectedly vast amount of cum exploded out of Pete’s cock, spurting all over Catherine’s naked body and hand. She grinned to Pete and licked herself clean as Pete moved her around to make her sit on her all four limbs with her ass sticking out in the air like a dog. Pete approached his face closer to ass from behind as thought trying to possess her inviting pinkish brown asshole with his eyes. Pete stuck his tongue out as far as he could and began to let it travel down her crack, from her tailbone to over her pussy lips, and then throbbing into her pussy to flick her enlarged clitoris. His tongue was continuingly repeating its journey from the tailbone, over the asshole and then to clitoris, back and forth, back and forth. His tongue then rested in her asshole making it softer with wetness of his spit, feeling the tiny wrinkles on her asshole with the sharp tip of his tongue. His tongue was like a horny snake, and every time the snake attacked her asshole Catherine’s body shivered in ecstasy and her head was plunging into the cushion of the couch making her screams of joy muffled. Her asshole repeated tightening and loosening as Pete slowly pumped her ass with his tongue. His free hands and their fingers were playing with her pussy now, massaging the pussy lips, fondling the clitoris and disappearing into the wet hole. Pete’s cock was growing large and hard again and as Catherine’s cunt was dripping its wet juice and her muffled scream was getting even louder, he just had to fuck the shit out of her ass. He pumped her ass hard and fast with his balls flapping on her ass, feeling the pain that only turned him on. Pete now mounted her like a dog with his one hand resting on her shoulder and the other hand pulling her head back by hair, making her scream and moan even louder. After several minutes of hard pumping Pete felt his balls boil and his cock burn as it shot out another vast amount of cum into Catherine’s ass. He slowly pulled out his softening dick covered in milky white and brown and rested next to Catherine who was now breathing heavily, whispering I love you.

This room smells like shit. Somebody’s been making love.

12.

It’s been about a week after the Jenny incident. Through the great help of James’ description of the man the cops were able to put a handcuff around the rapist’s wrists in less than three days after the incident. When James was sitting around at home flipping through some books Aaron called him up saying that he had something to show James which will blow his mind. James could assume what it was. Aaron was a keen collector of pornography and James had a genuine interest for pornography although it never really aroused him much, but nor was he ever disgusted by it. For James sex in pornography was a depiction of a purely animalistic behaviour coming from physical desires for human bodies. Pornography didn’t try to make sex appear romantic, but tried to keep it as raw and realistic as possible. There was no room for love to butt in when people were having sex on porn films, and James always thought it was the only true depiction of sex, unlike the romantic movies which James hate so much. So without a hesitation James went to Aaron’s house to find himself greeted by Aaron with full of grin on his face and a video cassette in his hand.

"This is a collector’s item dude. You’ve never seen anything this real – ‘cause it is real. It’s an illegal stuff buddy and it’s good. Sit back and enjoy", Aaron announced and put the cassette into VCR.

There was a girl and a guy in the movie. One couldn’t really see their faces at the beginning because the guy was blocking the view of her face with his back on the camera. There were some slapping on the face and some swearing from the guy.

"Hey, this looks real", James said, already getting interested in how they could have made it seem so real.

"Yes, buddy, because it is real"

"You mean that guy is really raping her?"

"That’s why I said it is an illegal stuff and a collector’s item. Now just watch"

About after five minutes into the film and the guy was beginning to lick the girl’s white lacey bra James could finally see the face of the girl, and he could recognise it at instant.

"Jenny"

"Yup. This is Jenny from our town", Aaron replied under his heavy breath.

Neither of them said a word after that. James watched Jenny lose her virginity and a true love dying within her eyes, while the man on the film that he helped to go to jail was enjoying every second of this exploitation of the young girl. When the movie stopped Aaron blurted out ‘man that was good’. James stood up, said that he had work to do at home and left.

"Josh, love is killing me", James blurted out.

"I know how you feel", Josh replied with a sad smile.

"Why is it so hard to love someone?"

"It’s because what you want is real love"

"What is a real love?"

"You told me what it is before, you know it yourself. A real love is a love detached from anything physical, a love based on pure emotions and spirit"

"Detached from anything physical… thanks for reminding me, Josh. I have stuff to do. Gotta go now. See ya", James stood up and placed his palm on Josh’s head while smiling.

"See ya", Josh smiled back.

As James was walking away from him, Josh couldn’t help but have a feeling that this was the last time he’ll ever see James, only to laugh inside about his own foolishness of having such a thought.

14.

Having left Josh and now walking to a phone booth near the park, everything was clear for James and his black semi-automatic that was resting in his inside pocket. James was a physical being and he couldn’t help it. In this world everything evolved around sex and he knew that he couldn’t carry on his true love in a world like this. Anne, too, was a physical being and bound to be involved in a sexual activity sometime, which is –no matter what- no different from what he watched at Aaron’s house about two hours ago. James, too, was a physical being and was bound to be involved in a sexual activity, which would mean the end of true love. There was only one way to carry on his love for Anne and protect her from being corrupted by this world filled with animalistic desires – to leave this world behind. James called up Anne on the phone booth near the lake and told her that he had something urgent to say, but not on the phone. Anne didn’t seem to know who he was and seemed to have some suspicions, so he had to explain that he was a guy from her school going to a different class and needed her help urgently. Anne was silent for a minute and said that she would be coming in half an hour. Forty minutes later the two untouched souls were sitting together in a boat, with James’s gun aimed at Anne’s head and Anne shivering in fear. James asked her if she was a virgin and she nodded yes and James told her then it was not too late, that they could both leave this world as virgins and live in their spiritual love for the eternity. Anne wasn’t convinced so she went on with crying. James never lost his patience and kept on explaining his logic to Anne. About two hours later the local police men found two lovers with a bullet each in their heads lying down on the boat. They had the happiest expression and brightest smile on their faces that anybody had ever seen in this world.

15.

According to the will signed under both James and Anne’s names the two lovers were cremated and the ashes were set free into the lake. When their joint funeral by the lake was finished and their acquaintances and family members were heading home in tears, Josh stood still and stared into the lake where the two souls of the lovers would be resting now. Aaron and Kate, sobbing, approached Josh from behind and gave him a hug each and left. Josh knew that within half an hour, Aaron and Kate will be fucking their souls out of their bodies. Josh saw the heaven’s gate opening for him and now everything was clear to him and the black semi-automatic resting in his inside pocket. Josh went home and locked his bed room door. Lying on his bed he took his clothes off and ran the cold barrel of the gun all over his body. Josh then flipped himself around to lay on his stomach. The tip of the cold gun cooling the crack of his ass gave him a feeling that he had never felt before when he masturbated using various other tools. He was absolutely sure that it wasn’t a physical sensation. He felt that he was spiritually connected to James through the gun that was kissing his asshole. There was no animalistic drive to shove the gun into his ass and fuck his brain out. Josh knew that if he shoved the gun into his ass and the bullet enters his body, it would be James’ soul that’s entering his body. Josh flipped around again and lifted his hips. Smiling with content he placed the tip of gun on his asshole and began to lower his ass slowly, feeling the cool metal object opening up his mind and bringing a new joy of life. He held the gun tightly on the bed with his hand and pumped his ass only by moving his hips up and down. His other hand went into milking motion on his dick. At last, when Josh felt the cum shoot out of his dick and the black semi-automatic digging into his ass as deep as it could go he saw James standing on the ceiling waving to him to come. Josh pulled the trigger again and again until the magazine was empty and the walls were being panted with his blood and guts. The emptier his body got, the happier Josh felt and the clearer the image of James became in his eyes. When he felt the last drop of blood escaping his body, Josh whispered.

I love you

This room smells like blood. Somebody’s been making love.