In a recent edition of the Romford "Yellow Advertiser", an amazing person spotted an amazing thing. Ours and your favourite website, currently being looked at by you, have finally been recognised to the people that matter. The teachers. The article headlined 'School is horrified at spoofed website' is a wonderful exclamation of what we are all about. As it seems that we are upsetting staff at St. Edwards, it is obvious that a lot of people are due a thank you, that's approximately 220 people, and they are you. Somehow you little wonders have manged to spread the good news around far enough for teachers and journalists to know all that's good.

Reading quotes from Mr Drew like "I would be much happier if the site did not exist" and "If the person responsible is determined, they can do anything to anyone" makes it all worth it.

But what's this we see towards the end? Trying to make the school sound better than it is are we? A reputation for good exam results? (We get them not you!!) And wait for it..........spiritual and pastoral developements of its pupils. Hands up who feels spiritually and pastorally developed? Anybody? No? Didn't think so. With bull like that Mr Drew, try MP not headteacher!!

But, as it seems, the school hole from hell seems to be turning down half their applications? I beg you, if you are in Year 6 or below at school, read the website, read the guestbook, this is what people really think. Don't get sucked in by the smart front. Nobody likes it, and all we are doing is telling it how it really is!!

You can read the article by clicking................here

KEEPING YOUR BALLS

Set the picture. You are happily playing a good game of basketball, football or slapball, when Stallard comes monkeying round the corner. Your ball gets confiscated. For what reason? Are you breaking the 11th commandment "Thou shalt not carry out irregular breathing patterns in front of Stallard"?  The chances are that your ball has been confiscated for absolutely no reason what so ever. Now do you ever wonder what happens to your ball for that two months of being missing? Let me tell you something, we have had our top spies investigationg this very question. They have managed to narrow it down to approximately three things. Anything not repeated less than ten times has not been included.

1. He takes them all to a car boot sale. All takings go towards his current living residence. Old people's home.

2. Blackmails you saying "I'll give it back when you get in the shower!!" (I shudder at the thought of more showers in front of him. Surely there must be a rule about watching young boys running into the shower!!)

3. Seeming as Stallard really isn't any good at anything, my theory on the third option is that he takes them out of pure jealousy. Its a case of anything you can do, I can't do better I'm afraid.

My advice is, careful where you play, and try to get a shower without him looking.

This is the section for all those depressed or unhappy for any reason. mr eales clearly is te most miserable man around so we've asked him why?

this week: a history of dead pets.

"When i was young, many moons ago, we could never afford pets so all i could play with were dead ones that other people no longer wanted. i used to act as a pet undertaker. when i found out a house who's pet had just died, i would break in at night and dig up its grave. my favourite pet must have jerry the gerbil. it was one big ball of fluff and i would roll him around the living room all day.

however, this gave me the taste for death and i moved on to killing people's pets for the sheer enjoyment of it. i once beat a cat to death with its own shoes.

i feel that my obsession with death might be part of the reason that i am so miserable.

Today's top tip from the horny woodman:

"When combing your hair in the morning, I find that urine samples from cats really put that extra bit of volume into the hair. To look your best, like me, a small teaspoon full can make all the difference."

That's all for today, any more and you will be bordering the 'Divine Attractiveness' that he claims to have.

1. PANTS FIRST, TROUSERS SECOND.

2. SPIRITUAL AND PASTORAL DEVELOPEMENT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. I JUST HAVEN'T GOT ROUND TO IT YET.

3. AGE IS A VERY HIGH PRICE TO PAY FOR MATURITY

every now and then, a new poll will appear in this section. we want to know what you think on a variety of topical issues. the first question is:

do you think that stallard is too old to be a pe teacher?

send in your answers on an email to

[email protected]

all emails will be considered anonymous, becasue remember, if there is a name.....then there is no game.