Learning to Expect More

Breaking Away From Abuse.

 

Abuse is Learned. Just as Racism is Learned and Love is Learned. Abuse is precipitated by the environment within which a child grows up. If a child sees a parent abuse, that child will grow up accepting that being hurt is a way of life. That child will 9 times out of 10 go on to abuse their own children or become a victim of abuse themselves.Sexual, Physical, and Mental Abuse can be overcome and avoided. By beginning to end the pattern. If you are in an abusive situation, the best thing you can ever do for yourself and your children is to find the courage to break free.

 

I speak from experience. I know that when you are violated as a child you will become an adult who accepts that being treated as someone who has no rights is *normal*. I expected nothing more, though, like every other little girl I dreamed of *Prince Charming*. He would be nice to me and never hit, and never make me do anything I didn't want. He would shower me with love and never scream at me. He would never drink and never do drugs and never call me names.

 

I am nearly 29 years old now and just learning what it means to be in a stable and nurturing relationship. My previous relationship was with a man who could only show affection if he was high. Who would leave me alone for days at time, but not allow me to leave the house. He took my car, He took the keys, and He kept whatever money there was. He abused me mentally and physically and tore down every bit of self-esteem I had. He told me he would kill me and my family and our own child if I ever tried to leave him. He turned me from a vibrant 24 year old into a woman afraid to even wake up in the morning, who grew sicker as the day wore on and the hour of his arrival home from work approached. I felt less than human and I did not leave until the morning he rolled on top of our infant daughter to hit me.

 

As you all know at first they are so sorry, but eventually even the apologies dwindle down. An Abuser will break you down until you are apologizing to him for making him so angry that he *has* to hurt you.

 

I did not deserve that. You..do not..deserve that; but most of all. Our children deserve a future devoid of angry words, screaming, violence, and tears.

 

I honestly did not know what a real relationship means. I did not know how to have one. I was scared to death to begin again. I am still rebuilding a faith in myself that was completely gone. I still feel like a little girl lost in this womans body. But, I would not trade the last two years with my daughter for anything. She is happy and healthy and so secure and it gives me a joy untold daily to see a child I know would not exist had I not found the courage to leave.

 

I know how easy it seems for other people to say "Just leave". I have heard it many times. I still get questioned as to why I didn't leave sooner. I know that no-one, no matter how hard they try, can understand an abusive relationship, if they have not lived in one. I will swear to you, that although getting out is the scariest thing of all, it will be worth it. Though it may not seem like it, there are many people out here waiting to help you. To help you rebuild a new life.

 

I am including some links to places that can help you make those first few steps. When you are strong enough. But remember, from one who has been in your place, Every day that you stay in an abusive relationship is another day harder to break the cycle.

 

Remember that Love doesn't hurt.

Love does not leave you bloodied and bruised.

Love doesn't take away your self-esteem.

Love isn't good sex.

Love isn't "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again"

Love isn't living in fear.

Love isn't hearing your children sob in fright.

 

If you are being abused, you are not being Loved. There is no such thing as a battered woman who is cherished and uplifted. You deserve the best that life can offer. Your children deserve to know the peacefulness of a non-abusive living situation. You deserve to walk into your home and not fear that you will be hit or mentally abused. You deserve understanding and a chance to build a life for yourself that does not include people who know nothing but how to manipulate or gain control forcefully.

 

You can begin again. You are not alone. Even though it feels not another single soul understands your pain or your position. We do. I do. The hardest step you'll have ever to take is that First step, after that, you will find yourself running with the excitement of possibility to a new life. There will be bumps and you will have to work hard on believeing in *you*, but you will find a happier life.

 

Take the step.

 

 

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