In The News:

It may sound corny and trite, but we stand on the threshold of a new millenium. Historically, this has brought about waves of paranoia and social irresponsibility. I am just as excited as every one else about the turning of the calendar, but that is no reason to go off and do something stupid like.....bomb a building. No, that's not a typo. With the approaching New Year, there have been a rash of bomb threats. This goes a little beyond the old string of fire crackers tied to unsuspecting doorknobs. They are talking about several pounds of plastic explosive on the main structural supports of some of the worlds most important places of business, including the capitols of several countries.

Now, I have always been a fan of bringing in the New Year with a bang, but that bang doesn't have to comply with the magnitude of the event. Some people just have to learn that there is a difference between good old fashioned American fun and random acts of extreme violence. So, for the good of mankind, I have prepared a short list to help you determine if your New Year's plans go...shall we say... beyond the bounds of good taste.

Lighting fireworks and hearing them go "POP"......Good

Lighting your brother on fire to hear him scream..BAD

Getting drunk and throwing up on the steps of your house.....Good

Getting socially indignant and throwing grenades on the steps of the White House...BAD

Being the designated driver for your rowdy friends....Good

Being the designated driver for Lybian terrorists.....BAD

Wearing a lampshade and counting down the New Year on your watch.....Good

Wearing a Kevlar helmet and counting down the New Year on your home made pipe bomb...BAD

Gathering around a clock tower with two thousand people with lots of champaigne...Good

Climbing up a clock tower and taking out two thousand people with lots of ammo....BAD

Follow these simple steps, and you are sure to have a safe and happy NEW YEAR.

So let it be posted, so let it be done.