You have no visible source of income, but you live like a prince.

Your girlfriend is underage, a succubus, or both.

You raid her jewelry all the time, but you wouldn't touch any of her clothes.

She dumped you at the mall because you were taking too long.

...and you kept shopping anyway.

You've never had sex because you won't have anything to do with body fluids.

Other people have dust mites...you have roses of varying kinds. 

Physicists study your hair to figure out how it gets in your face when you look directly into the wind.

You're single but need a three bedroom apartment: one bedroom for you, one bedroom for your wardrobe, and one bedroom for your ego...

...but you never actually sleep there, because you never actually sleep.

The regional sales manager for Hot Topic has your number on speed dial,

You can call yourself bishounen if you didn't adopt your exotic pet, it just kind of appeared one day.

You only look like you're wearing lipstick.

Chris Carter keeps raiding your diary for new material.

You don't use public bathrooms because you hate to share a mirror with someone.

Your Holy Trinity is Versace, Sasson and Wilde.

Your sexual orientation is a mystery, even to yourself.

You consider "Thus Spoke Zarastrutha" light reading.

You rent Fellini films for a good throaty chuckle.

Gloomy music follows you wherever you go, and you've been trying to figure out how to make it stop.

You'd give Imelda Marcos footwear tips, but every pair of shoes you've ever tried on was uncomfortable.

You write to Miss Manners explaining your exceptions.

The closest you've ever come to a direct answer is, "Mmm...".

You achieve a doe-eyed look just by trying to have an emotion, or just thinking deeply.

You keep a plastic surgeon's number on speed-dial, just in case.

You've looked into Rogaine because your hair only goes down to your waist.

You've worn press-ons since middle school.

You got a tattoo and one ear pierce at age 10, and convinced your mother that you'd grow into them.

You leave a dramatic pause after everything you say to allow unexplained atmospheric phenomena to happen (lightning bolt, gust of wind, rain squall, etc.)

See-through bangs? You're bishounen.

Your health insurance has a clause that exempts claims resulting from your meeting another bishounen.

High school girls squeal, "I'll do anything for you!" and you tell them "Take a number and sit down."

...they do, and you keep them waiting for an hour and a half while you glance through Cosmo for makeup tips.