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They insist that your panties would be much safer with
them in the cab of the truck.
Great price? Check.
Friendly? Check.
Careful with the China? Check.
Asked for your new address? Uh, oh.
Most of your belongings arrive successfully in Los Angeles. Your collection of private home videos made with the wife shows up several weeks later -- on the internet.
Mime Movers is a great concept, but those invisible boxes don't seem to work very well.
The first load they took was your entertainment center, home computer, and jewelry. That was two weeks ago.
While emove.com's stock might have doubled in value since it went public, mentioning a moving van causes some confusion.
The phone number on their business card connects you to the Crime Stoppers hotline.
They don't use peanuts to pack your fine crystal -- they use peanut butter.
Nothing gets broken during the loading and unloading, but you see more crack than a DEA agent.
They assure you that your stuff will get from NY to LA before you do -- assuming there's not much traffic in the Panama Canal.
Upon arrival at your new home, you notice that the driver's new uniform looks an awful lot like your wife's old wedding dress.
They offer a "Bordello rate" if you allow them to make use of your bed during transport.
The "moving company" consists of your mother and a homemade raft.
After you call Big Top Movers, a Volkswagen Beetle shows up and 13 clowns reeking of elephant dung climb out.
When you ask them to be careful with your antique stools, they assure you that they work gently overnight.
Insists that Swiss cheese, not Styrofoam, makes the best packing material, and proceeds to wrap china in individual slices.
Before moving the furniture, they remove all the drawers -- *their* drawers.
As advertised, Big 'Uns Movers showed up in thongs and had large breasts -- you just didn't expect 250-lb. men with Lynyrd Skynyrd tattoos on their asses.
Their slogan: "100% satisfaction or your silverware back!"
Attention to detail is a good thing, but the guys at Anal Retentive Moving Co. insist on un-packing, inspecting and then re-packing every box.
They keep flicking ashes in Grandma's urn.
The guys from One Glove Movers show up wearing surgical masks and proceed to carry each item in one gloved hand while they hold their crotches and moonwalk to the truck.
The first question they ask: "Paper or plastic?"
"Starving Students" were booked solid, and "Thirsty Fratboys" didn't seem like such a bad idea at the time.
Bus Fare from Sing Sing Prison: $5.75
Used moving van: $500
Watching a dot.com millionaire smile as you to cart off all his valuables: priceless.
Driver tells you, "She'll make point five past light speed. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
An hour after the truck pulls away, all your stuff is listed on eBay.
You realize they've been a little too thorough when your nightstand is listed on the inventory as "porno stand."
Reassembling your king-sized bed resulted in lopsided twin beds and a chin-up bar.
The box marked "TV" is barking.
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